(ThyBlackMan.com) This article is for good men who want to do the right thing, men who want to be a part of their children’s lives in every way possible because you realize your children are actually a part of you. But if you are a man who is looking for loopholes to avoid your responsibilities, this article is not for you. That being said, please keep reading. You do not have time to get discouraged and you do not have time to get emotional. You have to research, think, plan and get ready. It may seem like the battle of your life, and it may be, but you can do it and your children must grow up knowing that you fought to be in their lives.
Fathers have rights, even when the father was not married to the mother at the time of the child’s birth. But if you do not know those rights, do NOT expect many attorneys to tell them to you. If you were not married to the mother, you need to research Legitimation. As a father or expectant father, you will likely have rights of visitation and rights of objection if she decides to put the baby up for adoption. But you have to fight for your rights to be honored. I will not promise you that you can avoid going through Hell and back, but your child is worth it and so are your rights.
Email me at Marque@ThyBlackMan.com for a FREE FATHER’S RIGHTS FACT SHEET!
Many attorneys will neither tell you nor practice standing for all of your rights. Do not expect the attorney to know everything nor to tell you everything nor to practice everything, but that’s another story. And the courts are not responsible for telling you your rights, document preparation helping you file or providing any other legal information. Courts must follow the law, whether they like you or not. But you must know those laws before you step into the court. You can actually file many of the documents an attorney might file for you and your county may have a department that even shows you sample documents. You can file objections, motions and even seek injunctions to block certain actions by the mother or her family. THERE IS HOPE AND YOU DO HAVE LEGAL OPTIONS, IN MOST CASES!
Prepare To Fight!
The first thing you have to do is your homework, your research on father’s rights in your state and/or the state where the baby was born. Start by using Google to search for your rights, court cases and state laws that affect your situation as closely as possible. There are also father’s rights organizations all over the country which can and will provide free material and resources. So get ready to read and learn. And you have to move fast. If the baby has not been born yet, do not think you have plenty of time to file whatever you need to file – you don’t. In some cases, you may even have to represent yourself. This means you are Pro Se. And people will often help you once they see you sincerely trying to help yourself. Remember that.
When do you trust or count on what the mother of your child tells you?
That is on a case by case basis so there is no absolute answer. But I can tell you this, stand for your rights, be prepared, know the related laws and file what you need to file – regardless of what she tells you. Sometimes the mom (unwed moms especially) is being influenced and advised by other people. Sometimes she is scared or facing her family who may threaten to disown her or put her out of the house. Sometimes the mother of your child may become angry once she sees you are dating someone else. What she told you or agreed to could easily change in the blink of an eye. That is why you must be legally prepared. Sweet talk and one on one moonlight promises do not hold up in court.
Find a father’s rights attorney.
Cordell and Cordell is a father’s rights law firm and they have offices everywhere. If you have a lot of questions, know that they do not work for free, but they are good. Otherwise you might want to buy a service like Legal Shield which allows you to speak to an attorney and ask all of your questions for as little as $20 a month. They will also read over your documents for you and advise you. Be careful who advises you. That is one reason you should do some of your own research. Some attorneys are very dishonest, some attorneys are excellent, some attorneys will neither practice all of your rights nor advise you of them. If you select an attorney, you will need to interview him or her first. And it would not hurt to do a little research on that attorney. Ask how many cases are there where he/she has represented the father. Ask about how many he/she has won. Ask if he/she prefers to represent the father or mother in most cases. Ask if he/she has daughters. Ask how he/she knows he/she can remain objective or in your corner.
You must file first, not simply answer her filing.
If and when you have to appear in court, it is much better to be the Plaintiff (the person who filed) than the Defendant/Respondent (the person who was filed against). Regardless of the fact that people are supposed to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, you and I both know that is often not the case at all. The person who is hauled into court to answer a complaint or charges is the one who many courts see as guilty already. But when you file first, you dispel or counteract that perception. You may be afraid to file and want to stay away from court because you are behind on child support, but your lack of filing will not likely prevent her from doing what she is going to do anyway. And if you take her (or the child support system) to court, they must answer what you have filed, not what they want to address.
When you file documents, you need to know there are often generic forms available for you to use. There are also sample formats online so Google a sample of any document you need to file. Every document you send to anyone should be sent certified mail with the certificate returned to you once (returned receipt) once the document has been received. Attach the receipt to a copy of the document. If you must file with the clerk of the court, make sure your original and the copy of your documents are stamped by them. Stick to the facts in your documents and they must never come across as threatening. Leave out statements of anything you do not have evidence to prove. Leave out personal attacks. Reference court cases, laws in your state, constitutional rights and real evidence. Do not say you have witnesses if they are not likely to show up in court. Keep copies of all of your documents. And remember, courts deal with time dated material and deadlines, so remember what has to be filed when and keep a log.
Here is what you may not know about the deck being stacked against you.
In many courts there is a women’s rights advocate who sits in the court and watches what happens. She is not a part of the court but commonly most people do not know that. She may even be sitting up front. The free legal centers in some courthouses are actually funded by women’s rights groups. Some have been known to stall or discourage men while informing the mother what is going on. The courts often assume the child is better off with the birth mother than the father, thus over 90% of the mother’s get custody. But that is ironic when the percentage of child abuse is much higher among female parents than male parents on a national level. Women’s rights groups are very powerful. They can often influence judges, prosecutors and legal actions. BUT THE COURT MUST FOLLOW THE LAW – and if you know those laws, they can work for you. Men do receive legal custody, physical custody, joint custody, child support and visitation, in many cases. But don’t expect to hear about those cases. You also need to know that mothers can also be found in contempt, sent to jail and/or lose custody, especially if they violate a judge’s court order. But these things usually happen only when the father files a complaint. So stand up and speak up guys.
Here are some things to remember if you have to go to court.
Never go head to head harshly with a judge because he/she may try to make an example of you. If he or she is wrong, you may be able to appeal in an entirely different Court of Appeals. You need to quote the laws or court cases that help your case and have a copy of them for yourself, the other side and the judge. Highlight the sections that apply because the judge will not wait very long for you to get to the point. It would also help if you learned how court room procedure works BEFORE you go to court. You can find examples all over Youtube or simply go sit in court one day and observe. In court, your points must be clear and your documents must be organized. Get to the point right away and leave out personal grievances. Dress neatly, no jeans or tennis shoes. As for social media, if you do not want something to come to the light, don’t plaster it in texts and all over Facebook. Better yet, don’t do anything that will harm the relationship between you, your child and your efforts to build that relationship.
What should you wear in court? Try wearing a tie, slacks and a nice shirt. Image shapes perception. But don’t dress like you have a million dollars unless you expect to send that message to the court. Above all, speak on your behalf and represent your interests but BE HONEST WITH THE COURT. Never try to fool the judge and false testimony or false statements on court documents can get you into alot of trouble. See if your state has a Responsible Father Registry!
Get others involved.
Sometimes you have to make some noise to find help. Get your church involved. If they won’t help, you need to consider finding another church home. If they say they don’t get involved, you cannot count on them and they do not realize their responsibility to help their members. Get family members involved. Ask friends and family members for contacts in the legal field or caseworkers and child services people they know. Get as much productive, legal input from as many people as you can. Just be careful to weigh the advice and verify its validity before you use it. State laws, forms and filing procedures are different and courts make decisions or interpret laws in all sorts of ways. So be careful that you do not assume what worked in one court in one state will automatically work in another.
Keep good records.
Get a notebook and keep logs. Keep receipts for any money you give towards or spend on the child, even if people tell you the receipts do not matter. Keep logs of visitation dates and times. Keep logs of her court order violations. Keep logs of any problems you run into. Print out any texts or phone records that show valuable information. You will have a sizeable file but evidence is everything. And keep your evidence confidential unless you are required to release it by the court.
I could tell you about many more resources, but it’s time for you to do your research and your homework. The legal terms may sound confusing and court may appear intimidating, but if you do not learn to stand up for your rights and the rights of your child, you might as well not have any rights. Please know that this information has been provided for informational purposes and under the first amendment. I am not an attorney and you are advised to seek qualified legal counsel in your state. But I will say again, THERE IS HOPE AND YOU HAVE PLENTY OF LEGAL OPTIONS – IF YOU KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! Good luck.
Staff Writer; Marque-Anthony
Are you a Democrat? Republican? I write on behalf of the Black Community. Feel free to contact me at; Marque@ThyBlackMan.com.