When Black Men are Jealous of Their Black Women. : ThyBlackMan.com

Wednesday, September 20, 2017


When Black Men are Jealous of Their Black Women.

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Black Love.  It begins simply enough: you are everything he says he ever wanted.  You are smart, independent, charming, sexy, and a suitable representative of the two of you. You are able to bring thoughts, opinions, and ideas to the union. You are not dead weight that he has to think for, do for, and support without assistance.  You are a partner.  A true contributor to the union.

And he presents himself as everything you ever wanted:  A leader, a provider, a protector who in unafraid to take on a Black woman of strength. He is not threatened, nor impressed by you. In fact, he knows just when to reel you in—just when to exert his authority as your king—and you love him for it.

Somewhere in the union, though, as you grow more comfortable with finally having someone who can truly understand and support you, it begins—the subtle resentment:  the elephant in the room.  He doesn’t understand that he is a part of the reason you are able to truly blossom. The stability of his love for you makes you rooted and able to pursue your dreams, your ambitions.  Maybe it’s a change in profession. Maybe it’s going back to school to earn your degree.  Maybe it’s returning to the stage or some other passion you had long given up on. Given up in prior relationships that left you drained and completely absorbed in the ‘fixing’ or ‘surviving’ of lesser men.  But, now, in this relationship, you are settled and happy, ready to spread your wings.

And you believe with all the stability of his love for you, that he will be happy for you. That he will be among those celebrating your accomplishments.  But he isn’t.  It’s small at first. Silent insecurities that manifest themselves as little pouts; tiny little acts of rebellion like not kissing you before he goes to work when he always has.  Not telling you where he will be—when he always has. Understated comments that chip away at the security you have always felt in his solid emotion for you.

It escalates into full-blown tantrums that somewhere sound like complaints and attacks against your character and your motives, things that are uniquely you.  “You think you are so smart…”  You are smart! It is one of the things he said he loved most about you. “You’re always so worried about everybody else…” or “you’re always in everyone else’s business…”  And you are! In your circle of influence, you are the light. You are the one everyone turns to for wise counsel and good advice. Again, the fact that you had a personal ministry to and love for others is one of the things he said he loved about you.  Then, there’s the most common one of all:  “Your mouth…you always have something to say!”  What once was a certainty that he always had your back begins to morph into someone who seems to barely know you at all.  Everything that was so perfect in you before has become a source of discontentment and complaint in him. You are left confused wondering what you have done wrong and how your attempts at self-improvement could be so threatening to someone whom you considered a part of your strength.

While certainly not in every case, there are far too many situations in which you have done nothing wrong.  You are not guilty of waiving your newfound successes in his face. You have not suddenly become the degree-wielding woman who fancies herself now ‘too good’ for the man who loved her when she was ‘nothing,’ so to speak. You have not begun to dip your toe in the waters of other, more suitable men, who have so much more to offer now that you have ‘come up.’  You are the same woman he fell in love with. The only difference is now you feel better about yourself, having settled a certain rumbling within you to simply do better.

We see the examples continually in Black women. Look at Hollywood:  Halle Berry —the more accomplished she became, the greater turmoil she experienced in relationships with Black men.  Countless Black women outside of Hollywood experience the same drought of love the more successful they become.

None of this is meant to label Black women, nor Black men. Theories abound concerning the reasons for failed relationships within the African-American culture:  Black men really want white women; Black women are difficult to get along with; professional Black women are uppity, judgmental and mean, therefore contributing to the failure of their own relationships; Black men are unwilling to commit.  For every failed relationship—Black or white—there are two people at fault, not one. Alternatively, there are tens of thousands of examples of successful Black relationships and marriages. These are the result of two people working hard everyday to sustain their commitment to each other.

However, there are many relationships in which jealousy of one’s mate is the true culprit.  At the root of this jealousy is basic insecurity and fear: nothing more, nothing less.  The question becomes: what should you do?  Do you let your good relationship die on the vine? Do you try to salvage it by returning to your less-successful self so that your man will feel less threatened? Or do you confront your man with the ugly truth of his jealousy and see if his admission will bring revelation and correction.

If you are truly interested in keeping the relationship, none of these things is the answer. You will have to talk to him. Communicate with him in an open and honest way. For some of us, there is a bit of a challenge here. Whether we mean to or not, we find ourselves trying to confront problems with this good man with a great deal of rationale and reason—as though we were ministering to a fallen friend.  He will feel as though he is being ‘handled’ by you and that your efforts do not come from a place of sincerity but from one of judgment. “You think you’re better than me!”  Sound familiar?!  And so, he will shut you out of the vulnerability of his true emotions.  If you’re waiting for him to say ‘okay, I was jealous,’ please know that he never will.

In approaching the conversation, you are going to have to find some true humility. Not groveling or begging, but the search for true understanding. The way you would search for it if you were addressing the needs of a child whose imaginary friend has died. You know the friend is not real, so he/she could not have died; but you have to find a way to treat the situation like a real situation. You will have to find a way to gently coax his participation in the conversation and offer a safe place for his emotions: a place where he will be free from judgment or attack from the much more experienced and slightly dangerous tongue of his female partner.

Exactly how to accomplish this challenging task will require a great amount of prayer and submission to whatever higher power appeals to you.  And it will require desire and awareness on your part to truly understand this man you love. That is, if you want to survive the elephant in the room.

Staff Writer; Jazzie Dixson

This talented sista is a writer from the midwest who writes on a wide range of topics about relationships, including romance, intimacy, communication.

May connect with her via facebookJ. Dixson and also twitter; JD.

 


Comments

19 Responses to “When Black Men are Jealous of Their Black Women.”
  1. Flava says:

    It’s a bit of hypocritical for AA’s to complain about stereotypes when sites such as this stereotype. One thing I’ve noticed is African Americans are the main one’s who create these sorta topics. Why do AA’s as a group thrive on negativity and Victimization? It’s always depressing reading so called urban sites because they are all woe is me.

    No offense.

  2. Marcus Vessey says:

    Jazzy I am late to this article but I think you raise a very significant point. I have run programs for many women on government assistance helping them grow and providing them college education and employability skills.

    It is amazing how many times the largest impediment to their growth was the men in their life. I remember one young lady distinctly telling me how her and her man got into a huge argument because, “She thought she was all that now that she was getting college education”.

    There are two types of jealousy. The jealousy of security, when you have a male or female who you love and who loves you and there is a threat to that. And the jealousy of insecurity, where one perceives that the other person is changing in a way that would make them ultimately want to leave the other.

    The latter is the kind I see most when women try to better themselves and their families.

    There is a huge deficit of positive self-esteem and self-regard among Black men in America.

  3. Northern_Magnolia says:

    @Neva — Be careful and speak softly, young lady. You are only 18; the world has much to teach you, and there will be some very hard lessons for you if you think the solution to avoiding the hurt of Black men is to go for a white man.

    As a general rule, men need respect like they need air, and when a man feels his woman’s job is getting more respect, time, and attention than he is, color will not matter. One simple example will suffice: Most men are not going to be happy and supportive for long when a woman is giving so much to their ambitions that she does not have time to keep the home in good order and keep his needs met in the bed. Recall that the divorce rate is 50 percent; white people are not getting along so well in this world of dual incomes and careers!

    Now, in defense of Black men specifically: the ones I have known do want their counterparts to be happy, but remember: the entire society is designed to rob the Black man of power and respect, which he needs to be happy. To get that, he has to fight twice as hard outside the home. His need to be supported inside the home is therefore much greater, because he will not get the support and affirmation in the workaday world that a white man will get. Therefore it is much more painful for a Black man to watch his wife move into her own things and begin to overlook his needs — recall that the context of the article has to do with a woman who is advancing, but without any mention that her man is included in any significant way, or any mention of how her new success contributes to his success.

    On a personal note, I have known many, many, many Black men sacrificing heavily for the happiness and well-being of Black women that they love. I know three that have put their lives partially on hold to care for their ailing wives; I know one who did the same for his sister, and another for his mother. I know numerous others who are sacrificing every day to keep their families intact.

    Teenagers, young lady, should not attempt to judge MEN; your experience has largely been with Black boys. Find some older Black women who have known and loved Black men SUCCESSFULLY. What you find out from a successfully married older Black woman about how to love a man will serve you well no matter who you marry; do not take your 18 years of knowledge as enough of a base to make a decision on a whole race of men — the race that will include the heritage of your eventual son, whether he is “biracial” or not. It will not serve him well to know of his mother’s rejection of the man he will become — think about it, and think again about Black men!

  4. neva says:

    This is why black women are marrying white men more and more. I’m 18 year oblack female. I’m very feminine. White women are lawyers and doctors and are encouraged to be, and still get married . I’ve noticed with black men it’s not about working or a career. A black woman could find JOY in writing literature and y’all would still complain, it’s almost like your like children! Admit it , you can’t stand seeing a black woman happy. So your saying I shouldn’t become a doctor because I’ll be neglecting my family? That’s a bunch of BS!! This is why I’m certain my husband will be white they love their women to be successful. Men who are busy in their careers are not at home with their family taking care of. Their children it’s just as bad.

  5. Jazzie Dixson says:

    @Chris a great testament to the primary point of the article, which is WE — he and I, you and her — are in this thing together. You helped to elevate your queen so she could be whole with you. Because of you, she is able to be a healthy partner. Unfortunately, there are times when it is not done. The man or the woman can be guilty. The promotion of neither should mean the demise of the other.

  6. Chris says:

    As I was growing up I had to deal with being jealous of girls because of relationships. I found how to deal with them. When I married my wife had a bad case of low self esteem. She came from Alabama and was a seamtress in a sweat shop in Los Angeles. I told her to find another career. She chose key punch operator. I sent her to school and it tore the self esteem totally under. She felt great about herself and it made our marriage great. As long as both have communication and true love for each other, there is no reason to be jealous on either part. We found that she was the chosen token (because she was black) on her job. Yes she made more than me, but we kept this relative to the games jobs, and (whites) play in this game. We know why they do this. It’s to strip the black family’s down to null and void. When there’s a strong black family, there’s a strong village. Through this I mentored four young men that didn’t have a father in the home because those single women said I see what you and your wife have, please put that in my son so he will be like your strong family. This wasn’t because of me alone. It had to come from my wife also. It was equal and mutual. She gave 100% and so did I. It’s a partnership thing. Jealousy should always be a non partisipent. Remember what the oldest book in the world says “jealousy is cruel as the grave.”

  7. Chris Johnson says:

    Well if God is first in all things and the wife is submissive these problems no longer exist at all. The bible says it all its all in there and awaiting your willingness to be able to learn it. People if we look at the red blood oceans and rivers and lakes and the euphretes drying up for the kings of the east. Wow there’s so many things clearing up now the weather earthquakes hurricanes volcanoes etc. do we think these things are global warning really lol?
    The global warming thing is a hoax no man can change what God made into something he doesn’t want it to be.
    Be awake and on your toes white Christians are getting ready and have been many years they are paying attention to the things coming as with some black men. These things coming to pass are the end of this earth and the relationships we should be talking about Are the relationships we all have with God. That’s the first relationship we must have before we can have any other or none of them will work period. Without gaining your souls afterlife what’s this short life here that has become so much shorter in the past year. Yeshuas coming very soon look for two witnesses to be making their arrival known in the coming days they will make life so tough people will hate them unless they know. Those two will usher in the return of the king of this earth. Black white and blue green wont matter anymore at all. There will be blood and death and skin colors will wither away like leaves from the trees.

  8. Ramses says:

    Sarcasm noted take care

  9. @Ramses wow. I find it hard to believe that there is an ‘ex’ out there who didn’t want the gravy train you so obviously must have offered. To your question: Why aren’t black women as ambitious about being homemakers? Because there are so few men willing to make it a viable option without having to survive on ramen noodles. We’ll just agree to disagree, and I will celebrate with you the very happy and extremely fulfilled lady in your life.

  10. Ramses says:

    I always ask women @Jazzie what role is more important for a Woman that mother and wife? This is fundamental to the traditional family. This is important in terms of the marriage structure because a woman;s role as mother and wife is essential to the health of the family. Now don’t get me wrong, until a Woman is married, she has to provide for herself, being most women don’t come from a family with money. However, a man’s success is a woman’s success as well. He comes first in terms of his proper role being the head. If your Man is not secure, as a Woman, you won’t be. Whether the “New Age” recognizes it, when she becomes a wife or mother, self-sacrifice is part of the game. If a Woman is not prepared to sacrifice herself for her Man and his goals, then she is not prepared to be married. Woman has to conform to Man,, Man does not have to do that. Now his overall success ultimately is shared with his woman (reciprocity) which achieves the balance in which a Woman has invested her time (sometimes money) in the plan Men try to achieve. Now for a lot of educated women, self-sacrifice is a toxic concept to their notions of Independence (feminism). Ultimately “their success” becomes “their” only if a Woman thinks with the mentality that her main goal is to support her Man’s direction. Men lead. This will never change. For women who have a hard time with this concept, their success in longterm relationships will be non-existent. To be honest goals for women is a new phenomenon. Women always supported Men in their ambitions. Now this “New Age Woman” wants Men to conform to her ambitions. Sorry. It’s not happening. Why you think alot of times when black men get money, they choose other women to share it with? Mot of the time you think it’s because he values “Becky” over the “Black Queen.” However, upon closer review, the truth gets revealed. What Man wants to share his hard earned labor with a Woman who was unwilling to sacrifice with him when he was going through the struggle. See the difference between black men and women is mentality. Black women have been taught a stupid notion “I can do bad all by myself.” Whereas black men are much more willing to struggle with sisters and go through the hard times to achieve success on the back end. So black women choose these ambitions based on these notions when in reality, if she stopped being so ambitious, and became much more supportive (traditional role) she actually could gain more in terms of a wholesome life. Just because you can buy more heels doesn’t mean you have a happier existence. It just means you have more baggage. I remember when I told my ex if she would support me, I wanted her to be a stay at home wife. She was shocked. She said no man had ever told that before. Yet she still didn’t follow suit because since she grew up in a house without her father, she saw her mother working all types of jobs until she met a Man who allowed her to go back to the home as a traditional wife. My ex grew up with the mentality a woman always has to work when the reality is her step-dad gave her mother the opportunity to not work. But she was supportive of his ambitions and more than willing to let him assume the Power position in the relationship a Man naturally is supposed to occupy. Why aren’t black women as ambitious about being homemakers? Why is their ambitions surrounded around being breadwinners instead of wives and mothers? How often do you hear black women say they want to be homemakers? You don’t because many black women are trying to occupy roles traditionally held by Men (provider). I don’t know if you’ve taken the time to see, but the notion of traditional Manhood is has been under attack for a long time. Remember, feminism took place on plantations long before it became a theory in educational institutions. Black men and their traditional role has been under attack for a long time, yet there are some of us who will never give in to this “New Age” thinking. If a woman wants ambitions cool. You just won’t able to balance this ambition with having a mate because there will come a point in which you will bee forced to choose. What if you have a husband and your job wants you to fly away on business and your anniversary comes up? Do you think your Man wants to keep hearing that your job requires you to be away from him, neglecting him? Men will not take second place to your boss or your ambition. Men can deal with a lot of things but a broken heart is not one of them. When you make your men feel neglected you have really failed as a Woman because the last thing a Woman should make her Man or children feel is neglected. Check this article out very insightful.

    http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-cant-have-it-all/309020/

  11. @Ramses: You always have interesting points. It is an overstatement to presume that ‘the Black woman produces and keeps for herself.’ There are far too many situations in which the Black woman is contributing well beyond her fair share, but, I get it. Some of those are the types of toxic relationships with boys pretending to be men that need to end. While it is understandable that the man may often feel “hurt” (your word) that he is not in that comparable position with his woman, his feelings do turn into jealousy when he does not express them. Certainly, it is frustrating for him but equally so for her. While she should be uplifting and encouraging to him, should she have to stifle her own desires for growth? Of course not. Should she be so driven for self fulfillment that she leaves out the more important task of loving and catering to her man? Of course not. But she should not be made to die on the vine waiting for him to feel good enough about himself so she can begin to fulfill her own call of destiny. You said ” it’s not about [her] success but his first.” I contend that it is about THEIR success together, where both can feel mutually supported. Don’t kid yourself: most women would love the opportunity to be so secure in the provision of the relationship that we could stay at home, raise the kids, and focus on the man. But too often in modern society, economics dictate that we must contribute financially. I’ll agree that contributing as the woman does not, in fact, make you the man. Nor does it equate to a “challenge to his manhood.” I’ll agree with you that SHE must support him in his goals. But I’ll not agree without adding that HE should support hers as well. In a healthy union, there can be no shortage of ‘down for whatever.’ If I am willing to be his Bonnie, then he better be willing to be my Clyde. But you are right in that they should sit down and AGREE on the direction and the deal-breakers. If he wants a stay-at-home situation and she wants a career, stop right now. Don’t pretend. But, again, this is often easier said than done since many of these revelations do not manifest until much further down the line when more is at stake.

  12. @Deeann Matthews – perfection! Accurate and well expressed. The premise of the article is to highlight the issue simply because it actually does occur. Like you said, “human messiness.” Highlighting the issue does not absolve either party of the work that must be done to keep the relationship healthy. Both jealousy and self-centeredness are from the same root: fear. Each individual must work for the happiness of the other=reciprocity. When it happens, there are two joyous people. If one is giving more than the other, the path changes. Thanks for your excellent input!

  13. @Mack – well said, not crass at all. And I agree 100%!

  14. Ramses says:

    well said Matthews

  15. The key word in the title of this article is “when” — being human means that there are occasions when a Black man can be jealous of someone else, including the woman he is with. We all go through this; I was just on the phone with a friend who is being shown favor by some people in positions of power just for being reliable and trustworthy, and is catching her share of flack from people that feel that they should have that opportunity to be publicly praised… it’s just human messiness.

    Another part of human messiness: people generally dislike change, and if it is a change in someone they love and need, it makes them nervous about their position in the new situation. Every time I have attained a new level creatively or professionally, I have lost a few people along the way… their insecurity about where they fit in either caused them to bolt for the proverbial door, or do something to try to pull me down that caused me to escort them out and lock the door behind them. The thing about doing better: everybody isn’t ready to go with you, and some will actively attempt to hold you back to keep their situation comfortable.

    Now, specifically about this article: The sense in this article seems to be that the woman, now that she is in a settled position, is able to do the things she wants to do because of the support of the man; he is facillitating her blossoming into being the person she was meant to be. There is nothing wrong with that. What is missing here is any hint of reciprocity; I see nothing here that the woman, in her position of stability and blossoming, is doing that involves the man, his interests, and his dreams. He is expected to go along and celebrate, and that has its place, but there is no hint of “our accomplishments,” to say nothing of her having or making time to cheer “his accomplishments.” No human being enjoys being left out, and other than being invited to the cheering section, the man in this scenario seems to be entirely shut out of the newfound benefits his support has provided the woman.

    The problem is that the ugly truth of a person’s jealousy one side of the situation may also need to be confronted by the ugly truth of the other person’s self-centeredness. It would be easy to see if this were money; if two people are investing together but somehow all the proceeds end up in just one person’s account, court dates and jail time are coming. So too in relationships: if someone is working for the benefit of someone else and receives no reciprocity, there will ultimately be a breakdown of the relationship. Now some people’s insecurities are so great that any growth near them is enough to cause them to go into crab-in-the-bucket mode — there are plenty of people like that. But, in even the best circumstances, if someone feels they are doing a lot for someone else and not receiving the resulting benefits, they will start to manifest their hurt and anger and then, if that is not addressed, will put an end to the relationship.

  16. Ramses says:

    I think this article is disingenuous. It has become normal for men and women, when in relationships, when one feels like the other is leaving them behind to feel slighted and be childish. However, I don’t think black men become jealous of their black women wanting to take up painting again if it something she chooses to do after a long absence from the hobby. Now in terms of professional accomplishments, this is a whole different matter. Black women are so used to producing (because they are given jobs more times than black men not because of lack of effort) they don;t understand when a man is hurt, instead of jealous. Your man might seem jealous because he actually wants to be in that position you occupy (provider). This is the response you should want because when he responds this way, it means he’s a Man. You don’t want a Man comfortable with not producing. Once again, black women don’t ever take the time to think about this aspect of the black man’s psyche. The white male produces and gives to the white woman. The black woman produces and keeps for herself. where does that leave the black man? However when he voices frustration about, he’s labeled (incorrectly) jealous of his woman’s success. Who says a black woman working is successful? White woman feel being stay at home mothers is success. So one’s own mentality determines one’s notion of success for them. Me personally, my woman working for another man is not successful in my opinion. But that’s because I would want my woman to raise my kids and be a homemaker. But that’s success for me. Now if you and your man haven’t sat down and had a discussion about which direction you both want to go in as a unit and what a Woman has to realize is is that when she links up with a Man, she has to be willing to follow his direction. Now, for a lot of black women obviously this is something that most are not comfortable with which will lead to some conflict. If you don’t trust your man to lead you then you don’t need to be with him, no matter if he can or not. However, if you do want him to lead, then you must follow his lead. Now if you’re the type of woman who has never asked a man which direction he wants to go in when you were with him and offered him no support seeking his goals, then you have to question why chose to enter into relationships in the first place because this is what relationships are all about. Support system. Once you leave mommy and daddy, your ultimate support system becomes your mate and their success is your success, based on your shared goals. Now I will admit some guys are so emotionally scarred that they won’t allow you in and don’t waste your time on those. I’m not saying don’t try, but if it’s clear they will never give you access to that painful spot so that you may help him heal, then cut your losses (I don’t do that for women myself). But learning the psyche of your mate is key and discernment is paramount. It’s not about your successes, it’s about his first. I know that’s hard for black women to comprehend but God didn’t construct men with the strength to build pyramids and other magnificent structures to not produce. It’s a Man’s proper role to lead, not be lead by his women and out-shined. No Man in any culture will be comfortable with that scenario if he has pride in himself. Watch Tyler Perry’s “Why Did I Get Married” the first one. Watch the dialog between Tyler’s character and his wife. See how his wife put her own needs ahead of her husbands? See how she was more focused on her career aspirations than pleasing her husband? And then when she missed his birthday, and thought he was cheating with his nurse, she actually tried to make him fire the nurse, even though she was purposely neglecting him and refusing to sleep with him because she didn’t want to have any more children. Are you a Woman who puts her own career interests before your man? These are important distinctions one must deal with before you can make the bold statement that “Black Men are Jealous of black women. When a Man’s natural position gets threatened he rebels, especially if his Woman is the main culprit behind this challenge to his Manhood because his natural expectation is for her to support him in his goals. Just something to think about

  17. Mack says:

    @ Jazzie Dxon: “How can we all just DO BETTER?”

    My answer: humility. Being true to our nature and humble enough to honor that nature. With all these modern day role reversals, everyone seems a tad bit confused. Too many women think a man’s only purpose was for ‘dollars and dick’. She figures because she makes her own money and has a college degree, a man is no longer needed in his tradional role of provider and protector. But if a woman thinks that way, she really has no clue what a man’s true purpose in her life is anyway.

    Here’s a hint: it ain’t for dollars and dicks! A man is supposed to provide you with leadership and guidance. His purpose is to validate your femininity; not to pay your bills and make it easier for you to buy the next Dooney and Bourke purse. His job is to help lead you into a higher social and spiritual consciousness. And to provide you with the seed of wisdom and knowledge.

    Sorry for the crassness, but I like to just be all the way honest.

    Finding a man who can do that for you is a challenge. But they ARE out there. You probably won’t meet him at the MMG concert though. But you also have to be the kind of woman who can submit to the wisdom such a man can bring to you. And that means losing some of that baggage you may carry ladies. Damn losing it; break out the lighter fluid and commence to sparking a bonfire with that baggage! And when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

    But for the love of God: please stop dating DOWN ladies! Step your game up and start dating men who can actually challenge your thinking, who won’t take nor excuse your ‘ish’, and who will require the very best you’re capable of. Thats how you grow and do better.

    And fellas: read what I just described and become that type of man.

    Ok, I’m off my soapbox. LOL

  18. Jazzie Dixson says:

    You had me worried for a minute Mack, with the Halle Berry tangent. She’s not your favorite…got it.

    Insightful and true that we should all aspire to know our partners better and it does require WORK. Too many men complain about the “talking” woman and work to avoid those conversations with her. But trust me, fellas, you’d rather she talk than not. When she stops talking, you have a bigger problem than you realize.

    Now for the sad but true. You’re right, most men won’t put in the work… and far to many women won’t know how to appreciate. How can we all just DO BETTER?!

  19. Mack says:

    Interesting article…though I’m certain I would NOT have used Halle Berry as an example.

    Funny how as you were throwing the brothers under the bus, you conveniently forgot a fellow by the name of Gabriel Aubry, a white fella who was the last man to tap that Hollywood tail. This is the same white guy who not only routinely called her a nigger during their relationship, he also took her to the cleaners and receives $20K a month from her in child support. And he gets to keep the child.

    [Lesson for all you sisters out there who think these white guys are waiting for you with open arms: you can’t pull that mess on them you be pulling on the brothers! Who got the child and the support in this case? Sure wasn’t Halle…and she’s an A-list Hollywood actress! What do you think your broke behind can come away with in a similar situation?]

    And just like all the brothers before him, Aubry too claimed that Halle was crazy as catshit. Lets take a look at her two former husbands and how they have faired since divorcing Ms. Berry:

    -David Justice: remarried with 2 kids to a Spanish woman since 2001
    -Eric Benet: remarried since 2011 to a woman of Italian/Egyptian mixed heritage, who is also the former wife of Prince.

    What’s funny about both ex husbands, besides them being remarried and Halle not, is that none of them married a sister after dealing with Halle’s hit and run ass. Which to me is kinda telling…

    But I do agree that a man should upgrade his woman and inspire her to be the best woman she can be. That doesn’t always mean supporting her desires to pursue every passing fancy. And here’s where men have to be wise and use insight: A man has to take time out to get into the psyche of his lady. He should know her inside and out better than she knows herself. Discern her gifting, her skill sets. In this way he’ll know how to encourage her to greater achievement, and also how to lead her back to reality if she strays into foolishness or vain pursuits.

    Most men won’t put in the work to know their lady in such a manner; and most women today won’t know how to appreciate a man like this if he did.

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