(ThyBlackMan.com) There was a time when men were men and women were women. When men were dominant and ruled and women were submissive and obedient to the man, all men. It was a simpler time, less complicated time.
It was a time with clear rules of social conduct and engagement which made things comfortable, convenient and safe. Rules both men and women seemed only too happy to follow.
There was an order to the universe. The Great Chain of Being was unbroken and aligned with nature and mankind. Birds flew and fishes swam. Men ruled the world, and women were in control of the kitchen and were submissive in the bedroom. The moon traveled around the earth, and the earth traveled around the sun.
It was a time when boys and girls read about the adventures of Tom, Huck and George. Mary, Sue and Jane were given cameo appearances, if that. Jose, Jamal, Maria and Safiya didn’t even get that.
When a woman entered a public place and there were no seats available, a man without hesitation promptly rose and gave his seat to the woman. It was not just a courtesy. It was part of the written and unwritten rules of the time.
Such rules and customs are probably now thought of as being chauvinistic and sexist. However, not just men but women were more than happy to follow the rules and customs. It was perceived by many, men and women as reflecting order and decency.
The rules of engagement were passed to sons from their fathers, grandfathers, uncles, older brothers and other males including teachers and sport coaches. They were also passed on to them by their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, older sisters and other women. The rules of engagement were reinforced by books, television and movies.
It was the same enculturation that daughters received from their mothers, grandmothers, aunts, older sisters and other females also reinforced by books, television and movies.
An important element of the rules of engagement was the male’s duty, responsibility and the law of nature to pursue the female. There was a thing called courtship with distinct rules of engagement and conduct. Women were taught during courtship that they were supposed to appear hard to get.
As outlined in the rules of engagement, the male was the benevolent predator and the female the respected prey. It was part of a woman’s duty to compel the men to work at gaining her acceptance. They were taught to say “no” when in reality it was a maybe, or in fact a “yes” but not really a “no.”
At the same time, it was explained to the male that the rules of engagement meant that it was expected for him to show his true desire and commitment to the female which entailed going to great lengths to show his desire and commitment. These rules of engagement like the others were reinforced by men and women as well as books, television and movies.
Fast forward to today. The world has changed. Many men of all ages and quite a few women look at the world, their world and do not see themselves in it. The rules of engagement, the roles, customs and practices which once defined, provided comfort, safety and security to their parents and grandparents no longer exist.
Tom, Huck and George were exiled. Jose, Jamal, Maria and Safiya appeared for a moment and then were banned. Mary, Sue and Jane were omnipresent climbing mountains, flying planes, taming dragons. Taylor, Chris and Kelly briefly escaped the closet only to be pushed back in again.
Yes, the world has changed and many, both men and women, are not happy with the change.
There are many, both men and women, who reminisce about the good old days. They are not interested in seeing a woman in the Oval Office or the pulpit.
For many the Great Chain of Being has been broken and there is chaos all around. What is also all around is alienation, a growing alienation, resentment and anger.
This alienation is especially felt among younger men of all ages. While attempting to navigate through the world, their world, more often than not they are confronted with confliction and confusion as to what is expected and permitted.
Where there were once clearly defined rules and expectations regarding conduct to engage others, many find themselves forced to navigate through the twilight zone within the outer limits without clearly defined rules and customs.
For example, what was once accepted as an action that expressed a guy’s true commitment and desire to be with a woman, today might result in a guy being arrested for stalking. A man opening a door for a woman or getting out of his seat to allow a woman to sit might get a hostile look and/or called a creep or sexist.
It is clearly not easy being male in today’s society. That is not to say it is easy being female. There is a great deal of alienation throughout America. A lot of unhappy, angry people. The social pendulum has shifted significantly from one side to the other and has left many wobbly and unsteady.
The male and female detente is just one element of that alienation.
Nonetheless, recognizing the alienation may help to understand some of the support the MAGA movement and other such groups with their toxic masculinity have with men 45 years of age and younger. These young men see themselves as being under attack for no reason other than they are male. It has left many of them feeling vulnerable and angry.
At the same time, it is baffling why women, especially 45 and younger, are attracted to MAGA.
MAGA is openly anti-women in its policy pursuits and rhetoric. It does not attempt to hide it.
MAGA actively supports the repeal of a woman’s reproductive rights. It has been vocally supportive of the elimination of DEI policies and programs. It is assumed the elimination of DEI will negatively impact Blacks and other people of color.
However, by far the greatest beneficiaries of DEI, affirmative action and equal employment programs have been women, white women. Women, white women, have probably been the greatest casualties both number and percentage wise of Musk-Trump DOGE’s cold, insensitive federal employee firings.
MAGA and others on the far right have been vocal in their desire to see women transported back to the 1950s. In fact, it is in support of a proposal to eliminate the one man, one vote, one woman one vote election law and replace it with one vote per household for married adults. Under such a proposal the man head of the household would be the eligible voter.
So why are young women attracted and supportive of MAGA? There are those who believe it is due to their hate of women, including themselves.
The value system, customs, traditions, rules of engagement and conduct of the 1960s, 1950s and periods before those decades was forged from several thousands years of oral and written history, customs, traditions, laws and tenets both social and religious. In the 20th century it was also reinforced through literature, television and films.
Perhaps, authors, scriptwriters and playwrights, directors, producers, influencers and other creative people will use their creative skills to develop a new value system, new customs, traditions, definitions, symbols which will result in new rules of engagement and conduct.
We could use less werewolves, vampires, serial killers and sociopath protagonists. We could use more examples of what manhood, womanhood, relationships, marriage, love and so much more may look like. Until then many will remain living in a twilight zone within the outer limits.
Staff Writer; Al Alatunji
Question or comment regarding this article? Feel free to send a message to: Alatunji@ThyBlackMan.com.
