(ThyBlackMan.com) It’s a new year, and one that should see Black men walk in their fullness. Everyone deserves to be happy, and to have their voices heard about issues that concern them. It is unfair to demand to be heard and seen…but shut out the voices of others pleading for the exact same thing. There is a consensus, and growing understanding, that Black women in America are hurting. They have been abused, misused, and taken for granted…by others and those within their community. Though more discussion, acknowledgement, and healing must be had so many issues are known.
One can argue society is trained to hear the voices of women when it comes to pain and concern, but men are shut out of vulnerable conversations. There are so many men that are hurting, have been abused, and are completely silenced. They have been taught to “man up” and with that mentality they are silenced completely. This year going forward Black men must choose to be heard amongst each other, in their community, relationships, family and in the world. Too many brothers are choosing not to stay. They are losing the will to live due to being silenced and only seen as predatory, toxic, or the blood of a movement…hence having value in death. Taking the stance to be heard can be a scary thought, because it is often not received well. Yet this can add value to your life.
Acknowledging that you deserve to have a village that will protect you is important. Protection is often seen as something men are responsible for providing. However, protection comes in many ways. You deserve the right to voice your need for protection in whatever form is needed. If you find you are unable to verbalize this need in a safe space why stay. Too many men speak to being asked to share their vulnerable spaces, but they are not confident that vulnerability will be protected. Too many resort to silence and pent-up frustration. This leads to emotional and even physical ailments. How many men have blood pressure issues, where feeling constantly unprotected is a contributing factor? This is not something that needs to be addressed merely withing romantic relationships. If family and friends are not safe spaces, maybe it is time to reevaluate and take a step back.
Why continue to show up in areas that are not standing with you when you feel you’re most vulnerable? This might be difficult to navigate as many men deep down want to have a connection to their family and friends. Some know they are only tolerated for the sake of what they can provide but they stay for the sake of just having some place to call home or family. This is dangerous as it can be a ticking time bomb. You never know what situation will send you over the edge emotionally or even physically. When the fall out happens, you will be blamed as the cause while all involve disregard their ill treatment of you. Granted they would never allow themselves to be victim blamed. It is not wise to stay in places whereby your overall well-being is not protected by those that claim to be family and friends. You must take a stance for reciprocity…if there is none why stay?
Relationships are harder for many men. This is the space of the double edge catch 22; there are many men that love their partners but feel they can’t openly discuss what they need. They can’t openly express their feelings for insecurity or knowing when they speak on matters close to their chest no one is listening. They don’t truly feel heard or understood, and this is a toxic situation. Why stay in a relationship where your feelings and concerns are not equally respected? I know this can be a very difficult space, but it is important to take a stance for reciprocity in a relationship. You can’t be the only one providing support, nor the only one held accountable for their actions. Society may say you are wrong, but you have a right to be heard. Before a situation becomes toxic walk away; this is a part of self-care, and it helps you honor your over self-worth.
The year is still fairly new, and amidst the chaos in the world around you it is important you have value in the spaces whereby you reside. None are always right in everything…sometimes our feelings betray us in not allowing us to see truth or reality. However, part of how we grow in our understanding is being able to talk out our thoughts and feelings with those we hold dear. If you don’t have this simple basic right in a space, yet it is demanded of you…why stay? The answer is simple, even if the application of said answer is not, claim yourself and find your village. Being a Black man that is strong and viable should not render you silent for love nor humanity. Make the commitment to yourself to find your place in the world.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
