(ThyBlackMan.com) Abuse of any kind should never be tolerated, condoned, nor protected. No one deserves to live in an environment that will abuse them in any way, shape, form, or fashion. Granted we know all forms of abuse are not deemed illegal by law, so we tend to only acknowledge abuse that is violent. That isn’t the only form of abuse, and if not dealt with any form can lead to death. Within our community we need to seek a path that leads to real healing, and that would mean a deem work needs to be done amongst our people individually and collectively. We tend to get in an uproar, and rightfully so, when we read about domestic violence. We are also beginning to understand that crime is not gender specific.
Women and men can be the victims of domestic violence and the truth is we really don’t know the numbers. What I mean when I say that is…if a group is silenced, we don’t have a gauge on the percentage of abuse. As it stands right now, per the numbers, women are more likely to be victims of domestic violence and the number is higher than we know as all do not speak out. With that acknowledged, we don’t have a gauge on victims that are men because it is not reported for the most part…and deemed unmanly if he does report. Children are the most silent number because they are not able to speak for themselves and their silence is often trained into them through fear. This is happening to some woman, child, and man everyday in this country. Yet our loudest uproar happens when we see it on the news. It is time for us to have the same outrage for our family members and neighbors.
Seeing the video of Cassie being abused by Sean Combs triggered me to my soul, and I couldn’t sleep. It hit me deeply because I remember when it was me. I felt he needed to rot underneath the jail for the crimes he has committed. Yes, I understand the statute of limitations, but I still felt anger that he needed to face criminal charges. So many online shared that sentiment, and applauded Cassie for being able to speak her truth in exposing a monster. My mind immediately when to the late Kim Porter, and I wondered what hell this woman lived through. It then dawned on me again this was being seen through the lens of the news…while someone that is typing online their anger in defense of Cassie is excusing abuse that is sitting right next to them. They might even be participating in domestic abuse themselves. See, the emphasis is on the violence…which is rooted in abuse. There are people living with domestic abuse every day and because no one has laid a hand on them physically, the hell they endure is dismissed. Within our community we have got to make a commitment to rooting out domestic abuse and the traumatic brokenness it gives birth too.
Too many of us are walking around verbally, mentally, and spiritually abusively and if a justification is made and excuse or pass is given. There is something wrong with this. Everyone needs to control their emotions, their mouth, and their hands. In this too many of us are not held accountable for our actions regarding abuse. The hardest space for me to live with is the trauma of domestic violence, and domestic abuse…at the hands of men and women that were supposed to love and protect me. As a community we must all take a strong stance in this fight…and not just abusive men, but abuse PEOPLE and that also means holding women accountable when they are the offender.
We can’t keep dismissing it by using men are more violent…or whatever reason we need to defend out mothers, aunts, sisters, and woman in community that we know are abusive. We can’t keep dismissing the abuse because it’s my son, my brother, my nephew when they are abusive and completely out of line. If we want this matter in our community to be taken seriously…we can’t just get angry for celebrities, we do not know. We can’t just get on social media and type the “right” argument with the “right” amount of indignation that allows us to have the “proper” image within the circle we’re in. We cannot heal our community if we do not stand against all forms of domestic abuse, because this trauma leads to abuse and violence within the community. Too many are abusive with others because that is what they have lived with all their life.
People that are abused abuse others or are vulnerable to being abused out of an unhealthy desire for love and validation. We can’t grow our people and nation build with a broken people…we must work towards healing. Being upset when seeing a celebrity abused is natural as it is on the news; the true activism and outcry is when that same indignation or worse is directed towards the abuse you can actually do something about.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.
Her email address is; ChelleJ@ThyBlackMan.com.