(ThyBlackMan.com) One thing you’ll learn as you age is that people are different—even if we share some life and family experiences. You can be raised similarly to others in your generation and even outside of it, but time has a way of hanging people. If a significant amount of time has passed, that person might not be the same when you meet them again. Some of us stay the same, other don’t. They might be success or doing well in life or they might be laden with baggage and down horrendous.
You might think “We’ll, that’s not exactly a revelation.” You’d be correct—it’s something we all should’ve learned in our 20s. You might be learning this now but it’s something we all experience. It all boils down to: we’re all different and grow differently.
When brothers speak whether it’s while posted up at the store or on the porch or while waiting to get a fresh cut, we tend to socialize in a particular manner. Often, it’s real with comedic moments, stories, updates, insights, options and advice. Honestly, it can be everything news, entertainment, and sports.
Hell, you might even get the weather or actually learn something educational. Mind you, I never learned anything educational and often the conversations can turn to relationship discussion which can be dicey depending on who is there and their mind state.
That’s why it’s always important to manage your social circles. If you tend to lean more empathy and understanding, you might find louder or abrasive circles exhausting. Should you be someone who likes a more abrasive, no filter approach—you’re probably exhausting the circles that tend to be more understanding. There are also some of us who can adapt elements of both and mix them—making for a flexible conversationalist.
Some of our brothers will think they’re at that point or that they’ve accomplished that, fewer actually reached that stage.
Two different groups can discuss the same topics two different ways without it being an echo chamber. It can be the difference between moving with understanding and eventually coming to an understanding. While it’s important to note that some folks like a chill, lighter vibe and others like a messy dumpster fire or a “debate”, you should know that regardless of what the setting or topic being discussed, there is no “one size fits all” approach.
Even causal conversation requires coming at people differently. New people coming into a new social circle often have to pick up the group dynamic and vibe before really getting into it. Failure to do so often results in a faux pas.
Checking Our Brothers is Necessary at Times
That’s another thing, the vibe can change on a conversation and you might notice a lack of checking people in conversations to protect a positive or chill vibe. You know, if someone’s on sad boy hours or “who hurt you time” and everyone’s just socializing or joking, maybe sad boy hours can suffer in silence? Or it might not be the conversation for the hurt guy.
Settings are important and everyone contributes to the vibe or atmosphere, a few more so. You’ve probably been in conversations where you noticed that someone is particularly good at directing traffic and keeping discussions on the rails. They might even make for a serviceable moderator in “debates”—which often lack one.
Then again, that’s a thankless job and who wants to referee what is basically a circular argument?
Checking our brothers is important and knowing how to is even more important depending on the severity of the statements, actions, and topic. I believe everyone eventually checks people but not everyone should in every situation. You could end up with a resolved situation where they pick up what you’re putting down or escalate things into a conflict or argument.
You could say that people are unpredictable and in some cases, that’s true. There are times when someone you know well might be going through something you had no clue about and something you said triggers them—but you didn’t know. Occasionally, that’s valid but it can’t always cover for constipation of the brain and diarrhea of the mouth.
One of the challenges of growth and maturing is remaining flexible and being willing to learn. That includes understanding and knowing that you and your fellow Black men are similar in many ways and we have many of the same challenges and dangers but there’s also parts of us that makes us different—meaning there is no singular way to talk to everyone.
Staff Writer; James Swift, Jr.
Gaming since 1989 and headbanging since 1999, James enjoys comics, RPGs, wrestling, and all things old school and retro. Check out his writing here AfroGamers and The Black Rock and Heavy Metal. You can also find him on Twitter at; metalswift and soon on Kick where he will stream mobile titles.
One can also contact this brother at; JSwift@ThyBlackMan.com.