(ThyBlackMan.com) If one is a Christian, they can take the position that marriage is an institution ordained by God…not merely a contract governed by man. If that position, for the sake of this piece, is accepted then one must understand strength in a marriage cannot be had, nor grow, without the power of prayer. I remember an elder telling me that marriage and children are two things without a doubt that would keep you face down in prayer. Its easy to agree when you think…maybe my spouse will get on my nerves sometimes, they will make me angry, what if we start growing apart, and one must not forget about their family. Prayer is then seen in some ways as an offensive weapon needed to get one’s spouse in line so that they can be more of what we need, or want, them to be. Yes, prayer can be employed when you want to see your spouse grow and excel, because when they win, we all win.
It’s understandable that one can look to prayer when going through the kind of rough patch that would make you question if getting married, or getting married to this person, was the right decision to make. Yes, you can argue it’s too late for that train of thought, but if it’s where you are it’s happening, and it can have you deep in your prayer closet. Yes, all of these things can call for prayer, but just as sure as you put one foot in front the other every day…marriage demands prayer. Basically, as you need prayer your covenant will need it also. One of the biggest mistakes we can make is thinking a solid prayer life is not vital to the health of one’s marriage.
I’ve often heard the saying, “marriage is two imperfect people coming together to form a perfect union”. After being married almost eleven years, I must say I agree, and with heavy emphasis on the imperfect part. Yes, it’s easy to shout AMEN while thinking about the laundry list of things that make one’s spouse imperfect. I’m sure you know several things about them that require prayer and change immediately. However, before you have a shout the first imperfect person standing in the need of prayer is self. Yes, we must put ourselves on the altar of prayer every day, first and foremost, so that we are doing what we need to make sure our spiritual needs are being met, and your spouse should do the same. When we stop working on becoming a better person…the marriage is in trouble. When your spouse stops seeking to become a better person…marriage is in trouble.
Life will definitely have its challenges and if one is not fortified spiritually for themselves, it is difficult to come together as a unit because the unit is not solid. Sometimes the manner in which we see our spouse, or a situation involving them, can be determined by how prayer up we are. It is true that you can not pour into each other from empty vessels. Spending time in prayer, and God’s Word, to strengthen your personal walk with God is a necessity to maintain a healthy marriage. In that personal prayer space you realize, if you don’t already know, you aren’t perfect. The first person God is going to work on is you. This is not always easy to accept.
Prayer is a necessity as sure as life will happen. Marriage sees us in many different spaces. Sometimes things can be going well at home, and at work, but sickness can show up in one’s family. Dealing with loss due to death of a loved one while married may sound safe due to having your spouse there to support you through such a hard time. However, due to the manner of the loss, or who you lost allowing yourself to let that person in can be difficult. Prayer then is vital. You need your spouse praying for you and interceding for you…and you need to be in prayer for self. It’s very easy to shut someone out that loves you or take out your frustration on them simply because they are there. This is not to say it’s your intention to do such, but it can happen to the best of us. I remember getting married in 2012 and by 2018 I have lost three grandparents, two uncles, and my father.
In addition to this my husband’s mom was battling an illness that mirrored that of my father. Yes, there were beautiful moment in my marriage, but it just felt like a cloud of death was hanging over us…it felt like every time I looked up someone was passing away. While all of this was happening, we had a beautiful little boy, so there was joy, but it felt outweighed by grief. In 2021, my husband would lose his mother in a manner similar to the same way I lost my father; we had grown, and we were stronger…we were standing as one. I can honestly say if it has not been for a strong prayer life personally, and our prayer life together our marriage would either be damaged…or over. Sometimes the need for constant prayer isn’t just due to a lack of love, care, commitment, fidelity, passion, attention, nor devotion. Sometimes life can be the biggest threat to a healthy marriage without prayer and communication.
A Christian marriage needs prayer like the body needs food if for no other reason than we as individuals need it first. A strong relationship with God individually makes it easier to have a relationship with God together. Keeping God first and keeping that prayer communication flowing keeps us in check personally, helps us be accountable to each other, if there are children it allows us to pour into our children in love productively, and it allows us to see love in each other. Taking the time to incorporate prayer and mediation in our daily schedule will build you develop a growing relationship with God, maintain joy, help you keep your peace, provide wisdom in challenges, and help maintain a healthy marriage. Prayer will maintain THEE relationship that will bless your marriage.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.