(ThyBlackMan.com) Let’s address something that is, unfortunately, a bit controversial. Abusive relationships span all sexes, races, religions, and geographies. It doesn’t matter if you’re male, female, or identify as something different, abuse can occur in any relationship.
The fact is, we don’t take men seriously when they say they’re being abused. We ignore it, laugh it off, or shame them for not being “manly” enough. After all, how could a man be abused by a woman, right?
That statement is actually harmful to both genders if you think about it. It’s operating on the assumption that women aren’t capable of harming others and that all men are supposed to be strong all the time.
Here’s why more men need to speak up about being in abusive relationships, and why we need to listen.
Stigma, Stigma, Stigma
When you heard about a female abusing a male partner, you probably subconsciously think “That doesn’t happen.” This stigma has been perpetuated for decades, and is, in truth, a product of the assumption that men are supposed to be stronger. Men are victims of verbal, sexual, and physical abuse on a daily basis, but you’ll never hear about it.
Whether it’s because a man being abused isn’t as headline-worthy, or because we view our men as beacons of strength, or a combination of both, remains unclear. What we do know is that the stigma around male abuse needs to end.
A toxic relationship can cause damage beyond repair. The effects can last for years after the initial breakup, and some people remain trapped with their abuser out of fear. Just because the victim is a male, doesn’t mean their concerns, fears, or even danger aren’t very, very real.
You Don’t Have To Be Embarrassed
Many men hide their abuse out of embarrassment. They’re afraid to be shamed, called a liar, or simply viewed as “weak” because of it. A survey conducted in the UK found that around 9% of males experience some form of abuse in romantic relationships. 9% might not sound like a lot, but it’s certainly more than society would have you believe. That’s nearly one-tenth of all males in the country.
Violence is violence. Abuse is abuse. Sex shouldn’t play a role in how we view either of those things, because both are unacceptable in any relationship. The more we ignore the fact that millions of men are abused on a yearly basis, the worse the problem gets.
Male victims are often viewed with scrutiny by domestic violence agencies as well, in the rare event they actually report their abuse. Is this the standard we want our boys to grow up with? That they should allow someone to abuse them because it’s “embarrassing” to report it?
Men Are Four Times More Likely To Commit Suicide
Toxic relationships can cause no small number of mental health issues, from anxiety to depression and even eventual suicide. That’s not to say that every man in a toxic relationship will take their life, but the more we ignore the link between the two, the more men we lose to this painful and destructive act.
The suicide rate among males is four times higher than females. That means as a man, you’re four times more likely to die from suicide than your female counterparts and more likely to suffer from depression or anxiety.
There seems to be an epidemic of depression and suicide in our male population, and yet we continue to perpetuate stigma and ridiculous expectations that keep men locked in these patterns of illness.
What Can We Do?
How can we address such a widespread problem? The first thing we need to do is take male victims as seriously as female victims. When a man says he’s been abused, we often view him with scrutiny. Abuse victims should be taken seriously, and given safety and support during their times of crisis.
If you know someone who says they’re being abused, take them seriously. Help them get in contact with the proper authorities and get the help they need to exit the toxic relationship. We must start taking men’s mental health more seriously. Men are human as well and feel emotion. Pain, suffering, depression, anxiety; these things span both sexes.
Final Thoughts
As a society, it’s important that we all come together on this issue and work to remove the stigma around it. It’s going to take all of us to undo such a deep-rooted and powerful stigma, but with the right focus, effort, and empathy, we can make it happen.
Do you know a male in your life who’s been abused, is currently being abused, or who came to you for help? What was your reaction? Let us know your thoughts below on how we can address this stigma and start taking our men seriously.
Staff Writer; Joe Brown
Need help, feel free to contact the brother at; JBrown@ThyBlackMan.com.