Thursday, February 22, 2024

I Don’t Do In-Laws.

January 11, 2023 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( The term “In-laws” doesn’t carry positive energy with it. When you are constantly referred to, or you refer to others, as an in-law it doesn’t make you feel a part of the family. Some don’t mind but honestly I do. The concept of an in-law speaks to obligation hence having to deal with someone verses family and real love. One could argue that one of the things marriage does is bring families together. Imagine what it would be like if we just looked at each other as REAL family.

I grew up hearing the phrase “in-laws are outlaws”. The very idea of this was scary enough to me. Why would my husband’s family be an outlaw to me? I really believe this issue gets to how we view family and marriage. There are some spouse family members that embody the idea of an in-law. They are family only by law as they are the seed of discord and confusion. When this takes place the idea that we are all family is very difficult to accept.

black couple and in laws


This tension makes visitation, holidays and children very difficult to deal with. No person wants to marry the love of their life only to feel isolated by that family. It can happen on either side, but I must say when it’s the husband’s family that is hard as you now share a last name with this family. You will have children that are the legacy of the family name, and that can be a sore spot when the mother feels as though she doesn’t belong.

There are some that use the term simply because that’s just what we do, and have always done. To that I must say, as a married woman, I don’t do in-laws, and I do family. There are no attachments on family hence love in my eyesight. It’s so much easier to love my husband’s family because I simply see them as family. Love is supposed to be unconditional, and loving the family of whose name I now bear helps me to better love my husband. If I am forced to see a family member as an in-law they are indeed an outlaw to me, and have been outlawed out of my life and that of my children. With this mindset I have parents and siblings…period. I love them as I have loved my parents, and I worked to foster a relationship with them.

Drama is always unacceptable, and having great love alleviates some of those insecurities. I believe wholeheartedly in the beauty of love so I don’t do in-laws. I have been blessed to have an amazing blood family, and through my husband more amazing family. There is no reason to subject myself to the thinking they are merely tolerating me verses loving me. This is another view on the in-law ideal. I don’t want to be the tolerated person…so I’m dealt with because I’m married to him. No, this doesn’t work for my overall wellness. I choose to accept my family in-love, not in-law.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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One Response to “I Don’t Do In-Laws.”
  1. Trevo Craw says:

    To The Author:

    You need to adjust and adapt.
    When you marry her, no you don’t marry them.
    But you do become a part of their family.
    As a good example, you need to plant the seeds of cooperation and acceptance.
    If they don’t know how to, then you become the light.
    Plus this is likely important to your spouse.
    If you cannot be part of the solution, you become part of the problem.
    In such case you cannot complain about them when you are just as lacking.

    TC / Advanced Lifecoach

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