(ThyBlackMan.com) Having a strong support circle of friends is a blessing. They are a wonderful resource even when you are married. Some of us have heard its important to have a best friend(s) even when you get married, because you can’t always tell your husband everything. Due to this many of us get married and there are parts of us the husband never knew. The best friends, male and female, knows what he doesn’t. Granted you love your husband, but it’s a dangerous ordeal when that best friend knows you intimately in your emotional space.
Let’s be honest and address the double standard in the room. No one wants to feel their husband tells his deepest secrets, and feelings to his best female friend nor his homeboy. All of this is considered a threat because there is a part of him that is vulnerable with someone else outside of you. This could be the linchpin in your relationship that would lead him to being more emotionally invested with someone that is not his wife. Now that we can all agree that is no good…ladies the same problem would exist if we were the culprit.
Emotional infidelity is real, and some argue it has stronger ties then sex and is harder to break. This doesn’t always start off as an intent to build an emotional wall between self and spouse. However, it can start with how you spend your time. The biggest agent of infidelity is not a condom…it’s a smartphone. You could be on your phone reading, watching movies, interacting on social media, or spilling your soul to the person that is becoming more than a friend. You talk to them about your fears, joy, job, sorrow, grief, desires…basically you talk to them about life and living. Ask yourself when did you and your spouse stop talking? This doesn’t always happen because of bad communication, but more so bad marriage advice. It’s a good idea to consider seeing your spouse as your best friend. They should be that person to whom you can expose your soul. You should want them to see the real you…all of you, and every evolution of you.
What we are talking about is the depths of intimacy, and sex is not a part of the discussion. This can become very difficult if you have a best friend that you have known longer than your spouse that you feel know you better. That may be the cause, but your spouse deserved the opportunity to know you on that level, and that will not happen if someone else is always there to off you the emotional support that your spouse should give. If you are thinking: “what it my spouse if not supportive or doesn’t communicate effectively” it’s time to have a serious conversation with them to find out why. However, that won’t be on your radar if you are emotionally boo’d up with another.
This can be a difficult subject because many of us have friends that are close to us, male and female, and its easier to be vulnerable with someone familiar. However, that can turn into a full blow relationship and sometimes that is what leads to sex. When you are baring your soul to another a connection is there, and eventually you begin to discuss desire which can lead to the apparent out of order conversations.
If you find yourself scrubbing your text messages, and social media private inboxes because the conversation might look too personal, or you talk to this individual all day every day and that alone would look suspect you are already in trouble. Consider what you are doing, what you are jeopardizing, and how you would feel if you were in your spouses’ shoes. It may be time for you to put your spouse first, kill the cheating while you can. This might mean the end of that relationship with the outside person permanently, but you will need to be okay with that as your marriage is already on the line.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; https://www.facebook.com/christian.pierre.9809 and also Twitter; http://twitter.com/MrzZeta.
