(ThyBlackMan.com) Loyalty is an attribute loved by all. It is desired in every form of relationship. There is a comfort that comes from knowing someone in your life is loyal, and they will stand on any wall with you. Unfortunately, many loyalists don’t receive the support they give. If they are not careful a personality trait that should be positive can become weaponized causing the loyalist to become the victim of their good thing. When someone knows you won’t abandon them, yet they don’t have to give you the same loyalty they will trample over boundaries without regard. They won’t understand why at times you seem distant, and you won’t understand why it seems like energy is being siphoned out of you no matter what you do in the area of self-care. You deserve to be in relationship spaces void of abuse, however these are spaces you will have to create and respect. Check out three ways to protect your loyalty from the abuse of people you care about.
1. Realize loyalty doesn’t mean giving a person everything they want from you. One definition of loyalty is “giving or showing firm and
constant support of allegiance or a person of institution” (Oxford Dictionary). This definition does not imply spoiling someone. Firm support doesn’t mean that you will never tell someone they are wrong, and it doesn’t mean you should be neglected. Loyalty doesn’t make you non-existent, and it doesn’t give anyone unlimited access to you. Take a moment and write down at least three boundaries you need for yourself. Understand being loyal to others should not undo your boundaries.
2. Now that you have your three boundaries…point your loyalty in the direction of your boundaries. This doesn’t mean you are abandoning anyone, but they must learn to give the respect they are given. The people you are loyal to often times have boundaries, and nothing going on in your life will make them remove said boundaries because everything isn’t about you, and their mental health is important. Learn from them and apply.
3. Everyone doesn’t deserve your loyalty. When we give allegiance and support to those that do not value us we are open to various forms of disappointment and abuse. Being a loyalist is a gift you must protect in yourself. If you have given your gift to an abusive person don’t beat yourself us…begin the process of walking away from that situation.
You don’t owe anyone your sanity. It’s understandable that everyone doesn’t have the same amount of mental space for situations. Whereas someone may have deep patience regardless of what’s going on with them…others might have to come back to you when they are able to free up space emotionally. However, this doesn’t mean that the loyalist should deal in silence because those they are loyal too just don’t want to hear it. There are days when that those you are loyal to will need to take a moment and set themselves aside to give you the support they are accustomed to receiving. Don’t allow yourself to be beaten up for demanding reciprocity from those you care about. You have a right to protect yourself from abuse and misuse.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
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