(ThyBlackMan.com) Right out of the gate, are there lazy, sorry, selfish, game-playing, immature and irresponsible African American men? Yes there are and I am not oblivious to that fact. BUT this article is not about African American men, it is about the women we encounter, the women we choose and the women who choose us. And while there are good African American women out there, we have to be honest about those who are not – the lazy women, the gold diggers, the leeches, the women with funky attitudes and the women who play games and the women who think they can use or control the African American man.
The women I speak of make it so much harder for the good African American women who are balanced (not chemically imbalanced), honest, sincere and have good attitudes. And the women with issues cannot nor should they try to blame all of those issues on African American men. Sometimes we men are part of the problem but seldom are we all of the problem. And occasionally we are not the problem at all.
Today it seems there are women everywhere we turn. Many are beautiful on the outside but real relationships cannot be built based on what is on the outside. Either you already know this or you will have to find out the hard way. Broke women often want you to pay for everything right out of the gate. Don’t take that bait because the moment you stop they will go to somebody else who will pay. And you need to ask if they would pay for anything for you.
Bad attitudes are prevalent in African American women – no not all women. Many of them have baggage and will find a way to make their attitudes the fault of a man somewhere in time. But reasons should never be excuses and a woman who simply blames a man is not taking personal responsibility for her own happiness. That is not a good sign of a woman who can look in the mirror, but rather a good sign of a woman in denial. Watch out.
REALIZE THAT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR WALLET AND A GOOD WOMAN WILL TOO
Some women simply believe the man should take care of them, whether they are married or not. Be careful guys because playing house really has no rulebook. If you are not married to the woman, you have neither legal nor spiritual responsibility to her – unless you have children with her. And even then, the responsibility is to the children, not to the woman. Therefore I do not recommend that you play house. But for those of you who will do it anyway and not marry her, know that you both have to sit down, iron out the rules and agree to abide by them.
OTHERS EXPECT OF YOU WHAT YOU EXPECT FROM YOURSELF
African American men should not be responsible for fixing what happened in a woman’s childhood, what happened in her past relationships or the void that lingers because her father was not there. Nor should we be punished for any of the above. We should be evaluated on our own individual merits, not stereotyped. And we must stop accepting these women who do not know how to treat a man, even if they have the pretty face and the nice body.
Too many African American brothers are settling, largely because they have low self-esteem and/or a lack of identity. This is easy to identify in men who throw money at women, men who show off to get attention and men who overcompensate for fear of commitment by sleeping with every woman they can find. Low self-esteem can be seen also by the way a man allows himself to be treated by a woman. Are you afraid to draw a line in the sand? Are you afraid she will leave you? What else are you afraid of?
When an African American man sends a signal that he can be used and manipulated, that he has little or no self-worth, those women who are looking for a man they can control will step up to the plate. Yes I am married but I am NEVER, EVER in the dog house. First because I am not a dog and second because I make it clear how I must be treated. I know I am a king and I must be treated like one. Likewise I know my wife is a queen and she must be treated like one as well. But just like every male is not automatically a man, know that every female is not automatically a woman – not a real one.
OTHERS SEE YOU THE WAY YOU SEE YOURSELF
When you as an African American man realize and exude your value, your identity and your potential, others will recognize these things in you. You must realize what behaviors are beneath you because a king is a king 24/7. When you as an African American man realize who you are, you will not act like something you are not. You will realize that you do not need weed or alcohol or cigarettes to calm your nerves because you were created to be a stable pillar of strength, a rock with a clear head and a strong mind.
When you know who you are and act accordingly, you will not act like a dog because you are not one. You will not act like an irresponsible little boy because you are a man – a real man. You will not act like a thug because that behavior is counterproductive. You will not act like a player because games are for children and tricks are for kids. You will love yourself, walk in wisdom and prioritize family, finances, health and responsibility. The person you were created to be is more than enough for any good woman but you have to know that or no woman will.
A KING DOES NOT ACCEPT IGNORANCE FROM HIMSELF NOR FROM OTHERS
African American men have been stereotyped, betrayed, oppressed, used, controlled and put down long enough. So its past time for the king in you to wake up, step up and take your rightful place in the society that fears your potential. I believe in you, every one of you. From this day forward, never let anyone else define you, never let anyone else belittle you. And if any woman does, I do not care how sexy she is or how much you care about her, she is not worthy of you. Be who you were created to be and let the greatness come out – for yourself, for your woman, for your children and for your community.
If you want anyone other than a good woman who encourages you, builds you and has your back, you are making a mistake. Go for quality and bring the very quality that you want. Only then will you become what you were meant to be. Only then will you deserve a good woman. Good luck. You will need it.
Staff Writer; Marque-Anthony
