(ThyBlackMan.com) Next to “why did Adam eat the apple?” I swear this is the oldest question in the world. “Why did he cheat?” Like to hear it; here we go.
One. There must be a woman willing to cheat with him (that’s easy). Two. He must give in to temptation. That’s it. It has nothing to do with him not loving his girlfriend/spouse. It has nothing to do with him not being “a real man“. It has nothing to do with having “mommy” issues as a young boy or being intimidated by “his woman“. It simply boils down to opportunity and a willing participant.
Finding a woman that will sleep with a man in a committed relationship is as easy as finding a whore in a whore house. Again, that’s easy. Now hoping he has the self control and discipline not to cheat – well that’s where things get a little sticky. We’ve all heard the stats about how many times a day a man thinks about sex. Well these days he doesn’t have to “think” at all. Its right there – ALL DAY – 24/7 – 365. Apps, profile pics, free porn sites, viral videos, forwarded pics from his boys. You name it; he’s seen it – 3, 4, 500 times over. It doesn’t take a lot to stimulate a man sexually. That’s how they’re wired. Now multiply that urge by a barrage of non-stop stimulating access. GIRL BYE!!
Now let me be clear – WOMEN REALLY DON’T UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF SEX AND WHAT “NEW” SEX MEANS TO MEN. This is why we (women) always internalize the cheating whether we admit it or not. OK, ladies, we don’t get the “sex” thing but for the love of your relationship please stop discounting how important it is to YOUR MAN. Try this. Take whatever your thing is (mine happens to be handbags). What if I could get the LV “Never Full Bag” in every color and size, any time I wanted it; and at a discounted rate? (just an example – Louis doesn’t discount). That description alone is orgasmic. Apply your “thing” and multiply it by 1 trillion. That is how much your man (and any other man) loves, needs and wants sex.
The best thing you can do for yourself is to find a mate that understands and accepts the responsibility of accountability. Seeking out traits in a man that identify his strengths in the face of adversity wouldn’t be a bad start. No man is exempt from temptation but a man who can see it coming from a mile away and remove himself as the objective is on the right track. Recognizing it’s the over-lay for the under-play – PRICELESS!
Once you have him the best thing you can do is equip him so that he is prepared when he goes into the jungle. To prepare him you must embrace the 4 F’s – Feed him, F*#@ him, be Faithful to him and shut the *#@ up sometimes. This still doesn’t guarantee that he won’t cheat but it will make him think twice before he gives up what he has with you for some random broad that was able to stroke his ego during a weak moment.
In the words of J “thank God for granting me this moment of clarity; this moment of honesty” – women have changed the dynamics of relationships for the worse. Between our “owwn need no man” independence rant and engaging in sex outside of any sort of commitment, we have damaged the game beyond repair. The advice above is for sisters who love and respect their men and need a heads up about these broads “who bout that life“. Send your man out to do battle prepared. Don’t let these broads catch him and you slippin’. Step your heel game and flexibility up; both at the same time (wink).
Staff Writer; Nikki Woods
Also connect with this talented sista via Facebook; NikkIsTruth and Twitter; NikkiThoughts.
Can also visit her online at; http://theaffirmedtruth.blogspot.com
@Felicia Adeoye I’m honestly happy for you. It’s nice to hear that you’ve got a thriving relationship. It’s not my belief that all men cheat but all men can be tempted (just as women can).AS I stated in the article, as long as your doing right by your significant other it cuts down on the possibility drastically. Just as anything else in life, if taken care of properly, there are usually very few hurdles.
It’s amazing you say I’m disrespecting you because I speak towards you directly!!! lol…I bet you if your boss said the things i said to you you would not walk off the job
So a man thinks, so shall his reality reveal this. I am a confident woman that knows with certainty that my man won’t cheat on me, and it’s solely based on me not entertaining the idea of him doing it, very simple….smiling. I also satisfy him on every level because I respect, cherish and appreciate him as I do myself. Consistently, moment to moment, I recognize his worth and it’s easily reciprocated. For this reason, a willing participant and temptation are irrelevant and don’t apply to my reality….smile.
It’s very difficult to take anything that you ask seriously. I have in no way disrespected you with the article or with my comments yet you go on and on using language that really has no place in this forum.
Nothing I that I will say will enlighten you. You have your mind made up about all Black women. However, my point is that not all people, no matter the gender or race are all the same. That’s it.
Lol@ Nikki Woods. My first question to you would be (outside of being a widow possibly and I wouldn’t want to be insensitive towards that) is are you married? If not, have you ever been asked and if not why not if you are all these things? See what most females like you don’t understand is is that the dynamics of men getting with women have not changed. You have to be attractive physically. You have to be respectful. You have to be emotionally accessible. And have a high moral character. Simple. Now as we can see, these things are pretty much non-existent in the “Modern” black woman. Her looks are starting to go (obesity rates). Even in a lot of black women faces, they are starting to look manly. On the respect piece, black women don’t respect themselves. They tend to wear prostitute type clothing and even in the corporate arena, these females have done questionable things to get positions. I don’t trust most corporate black women period. They think giving a Black Man respect is sinful. Black women go out their way to show they are the boss (not to me). As far as being emotionally accessible, they aren’t. In my relationships with black women, I’ve been the protector and the nurturer. Lol. This emotional unavailability does not make Men want to open up their hearts to you, which means they don’t look at you as longterm options. And on the moral piece, that’s self-explanatory. Morally, black women have become the most bankrupt woman in america to me. We used to think white chicks were the biggest hoes back in the day but not anymore. Especially with their cartoon asses, black women have taken hoetry to a whole different level. And this is the number one reason that black women turn me off: the education piece.
This statement is typical: I was earning my degree on a college campus in ’92. Enrollment of Black students on HBCU campuses had surged due in part to the sitcom “A Different World” produced by the great Debbie Allen (a Black woman) man I’m sure glad she didn’t believe she was irrelevant.
Black women sound like white men reading off their professional accomplishments when trying to make the case as to why they are attractive. What does your degree have to do with me when you are 250 pounds? Why does it matter when I just want to come and hold you in my arms just to feel your embrace? Your job should be what you do, not who you are, but not for black women. Without degrees, what would black women have to offer? I got a degree too. So what! It doesn’t matter if I can’t speak to the heart of a Woman. Penis doesn’t speak to the heart of a woman, Love does. But when you are sexually crazed and deranged like a lot of black women are, you can’t speak to the heart because it’s blocked by too many men who have entered that sacred space, while the same female wants to be angry at you because you’re unable to reach her because she’s blocking you! I speak from experience (married for 6 years) when I say that black women have no clue when it comes to what a Man is looking for when he wants to marry you. He wants booty yes, but he ultimately wants beauty, inside and out. Sex is like 10% of the relationship. The other 90 is communication. If you don’t have that your relationship will crumble. it’s not impossible to make claims about black women. You want to know why? because when the media was making claims on us, I didn’t see black women sticking up for us. I didn’t see you’ll embracing us. Now that the bullseye is on black women now, now we can’t generalize. There is a whole industry based on making generalizations about people (polling industry). They have political polls. They have polls for products they want to market for people in certain demographics. I generalize about black women because she has made herself general. There is nothing outstanding about black women as a collective anymore. Take away the ass we love to look at, what does she have that would make a man say I have to have her? Including a Black Man? This interview is telling when black men were asked what did they “Love” (keyword Love) about black women and these black men got choked up because they couldn’t say one thing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H9r3zWKnArQ
There used to be a time where black women had a certain things, I can’t put my hand on it but it was treasured by brothers. Shiiiiiit. Now, that flame has gone out. 70 percent overweight and 50% obese women out of about 14 million black women. That’s not a lot of available women out here that are viable options for a Man of my caliber. Black women, in general, are just not worth the hassle. I suggest black women get with these white men that white women don’t want because it is a perfect match. Two negatives in math can equal a positive and maybe some of you’ll will find what you’re looking for with them. Hell many of you spend billions trying to look like his women so maybe that’s the best place for you. As for me, I’m taking my services elsewhere. Never thought I’d say this but black women have turned me off from them in the States, and to be honest globally. I’ve heard some of the same things from brothers from Africa and the Carribean as well saying the same things. I’d rather get me an Aztec, Mayan type woman who has a nice body but not all the other baggage black women bring to the table. Can’t speak for any other men but that’s where I’m at an to be honest plenty of brothers in your age range feel the same way and have already migrated down to south america and have also traveled to other countries in Asia and Europe too, Philippines as well for wives. Your female counterparts did it to themselves. Even if you are a good black woman, we have to go through so many bad ones, it’s not even worth the trouble.
Mack you already know I dump hard on these ratchet mofos. No more nice talk for these hoes. Either Men gonna hold their balls or they will allow these hoes to spade and neuter their weak ass, which I support. I support these weak ass niggas getting their ass kicked by these mofos lol
Thank you C. Smith. I can only write about these things because I have learned from my mistakes. I’m not perfect but I believe in Love. Guilty as charged – I’m a hopeful romantic.
Any time I write an article it’s to share (often time with humor) what I’ve experienced, failed at, succeeded at or thought others could grow from. I don’t take backlash in any form personally. No one can tell me how to feel about my experiences. I wanted to address the last comment (below) by Ramses.
“Black women went out of style in the nineties…that’s why this hoe culture came on the scene..it was the only way black women have remained relevant up until this point….outside of this hyper-sexual state, what do black women have to offer?”
Can’t say femininity cause for the most part, there is nothing feminine about black women. That is one word we do not use to describe black women, male or female. We use “strong” which is usually a word associated with men, but not in the black group.
In order to go “out of style” two things must occur. Supply is high and demand is low. It’s Marketing 101. So if Black women went out of style in the 90’s (before we became “hoes” and “hyper-sexual objects” as you stated) that would mean we were the opposite of your description. Conservative, respected, honest, smart, faithful, feminine, loving, etc. All the things I remember my Grandmother being. So if the demand for that was low and we were paired with our Black men then I must ask what happened to the standards of the Black man since he is our counterpart?
I’ve never had to whore myself out to be relevant. I can only attribute that to the men in my life. My Grandfather, Father and uncles. I can’t really agree that I’ve gone out of style either. I’m relevant to men who have the same standards as myself. Saying I’m irrelevant makes Black men irrelevant as well.
I was earning my degree on a college campus in ’92. Enrollment of Black students on HBCU campuses had surged due in part to the sitcom “A Different World” produced by the great Debbie Allen (a Black woman) man I’m sure glad she didn’t believe she was irrelevant.
I can also describe myself as feminine because I am. It goes way beyond the effort and time it takes for me to get ready before I leave the house for work or a social event. It’s the sound of my voice. It’s the role I play in being supportive. It’s the way I’m able to place his hand in my hand and assure him that it’s all going to be OK. It’s in the fact that he calls me (even as a friend) just to say I want your opinion. It’s in my presentation. It’s my ability to believe when everything around me says that I shouldn’t. It’s the way I can assure him that even when all he can see is his flaws I can find reason to still applaud.
You also asked what do “we” Black women have to offer? Well, since I don’t know all Black women (just as you don’t) I can only answer that question for myself. What I have to offer is every good thing God put in me; and because I operate with faith and a determination to right and not be right my actions ALWAYS stem from a place of authentic kindness.
If I could ask just one favor Ramses (human to human) I would ask that you refrain from making statements you can’t substantiate. Using the words “all” and “most” are simply not fair words to use when describing an entire race or gender. It is impossible to make those claims. As I previously stated I can only have an opinion about my own experiences. I can’t slander an entire group or gender because of the actions of a few and neither should you.
http://www.nerdyfeminist.com/2011/10/jimi-izrael-epic-disappointment.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QqbPZN02o5E
Finally a woman that understands men and the problem with women today!…Many women understand your points in this article but “refuse” to accept it. I will admit that we men do take our women for granted however. But I have explained to many women friends that men are “simple” to handle if you are ‘willing’ to do it..I believe your prescription will help improve many relationships..
Excellent article. Just be ready for the feminist backlash. But this part right HERE: “…embrace the 4 F’s – Feed him, F*#@ him, be Faithful to him and shut the *#@ up sometimes…”
PRICELESS!
@ DaTruth: As for women thinking good guys are too soft or a punk; a lot of that has to do with what she grew up seeing. What a girl grows up seeing is what she eventually gravitates toward; which is why its so important that women choose very carefully who they allow to impregnate them. Women choose the father(s) of their kids. 100 percent of the time. So if a girl grew up in a single parent urban environment, or listening to rap, chances are she saw a bunch of irresponsible wannabe hood niggas and momma’s boys and associated masculinity with that. So any negro still living at home with braids and wife-beater on will do. And the cycle continues.
@ Ramses: Truth!
Black women went out of style in the nineties…that’s why this hoe culture came on the scene..it was the only way black women have remained relevant up until this point….outside of this hyper-sexual state, what do black women have to offer? Can’t say femininity cause for the most part, there is nothing feminine about black women. That is one word we do not use to describe black women, male or female. We use “strong” which is usually a word associated with men, but not in the black group.
This article isn’t about women cheating; it’s about men. I don’t date women so my experiences have only been with the opposite sex. At the end of the day people cheat. All races and all ages. I often times wonder if people just read or skim through articles. The point of the article is not to bash men. If read with an open mind you will see that I take women to task for not appreciating the man that they have hence the 4F’s mentioned in the article.
Just as an FYI, if you haven’t dated “many Black women” (and in the context in which you used it means most) then you can’t substantiate the statement that “we” set ourselves up for failure. And that’s not life my friend, that’s the BS that we choose to call life.
been saying it for years DaTruth…been saying it for years
Men cheat and so do women, it doesn’t make it right but that’s life. One thing I have notice is that many women, especially black women, set themselves up for failure in relationships. If they find a decent good brother who really respects them, they will all too often end up rejecting him thinking that the guy is a punk or soft. So they will pick a trifling sorry brother who they damn well already know will cheat on them. And this gives them something to talk about among their girlfriends.