Saturday, April 17, 2021

Contrary to popular belief, Yes Black Relationships…

December 18, 2011 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Self-Projection is what can separate you from your ideal man or woman.

The phrase “nice guys finish last” has been around for many years. It’s true; women don’t like nice guys unless they are planning to marrying them. But it’s only because the way that these types of guys project themselves, as shy, or easy that gives them that stigma. To the nice guy, the assholes guys are the anti, the ones responsible for women hating men and treating them like trash. But we all are victims of self projection, and men and mainly women are guilty of the connotation.

I remember seeing some of my friends over the course of my high school career, complain to me about guys only wanting them for sex and not wanting them for who they truly were. I, naive at the time, went along with it. I would always think “Why would they pass her up? She’s fine, and smart. She would be a great girlfriend“.
But as I got older I realized these same girls who complain and gripe, are the same ones who possibly dress a certain way for attention, have their Facebook pictures suggestive times ten, and have sexually aggressive guys intruding their Facebook and text messages inboxes. They are responsible for self-projection their own image. A man can’t see how much “wifey” material you are if you don’t dress and project yourself as that type they you believe you are.
But it’s just the simple fact that how you act is what you will attract. If a female is sexually aggressive in the way they walk, talk, or dress, they will get those types of guys. If you act like a hood rat you will more and likely get a hood dude. If a male high school or college athlete who portrays themselves as a sexually promiscuous person, then a sex loving female who (not all) portrays themselves as such in public (Facebook too,) will gravitate towards that athlete.
It’s no way around it. The way you market yourself is how the public will treat you. It’s like Coach Mike Kryzewski of Duke recruiting a basketball player from a lower income area. It’s not to be offensive, but Coach K only has had certain types of players who have preferably played for him. Usually those players are smart, unselfish, and great players who will graduate that he has produced over the years. Those types of players usually try to play there, because they know he will prefer them over a kid with an attitude. He self-projected himself as that type of coach and those are the players he gets for his program.
Sometimes a male or female will complain that there is no one out there for them because “They are all the same“. But if that woman or man, who has been hurt, doesn’t at least look at themselves in the mirror at their past discretions, then will they ever change? A certain movement of being “heartless” has over taken my generation. Many males and females alike have decided to take their past frustrations and heartaches out on innocent people, because they don’t want to accept that they are partially responsible for their own hurt. It doesn’t make sense for the girl who caused her own hurt to acknowledge her own faults by the way she projected herself, so she takes it out on the innocent guy who likes her .
You can’t swear off men or women if you’re going to the club to find one, and be totally surprised that that man or woman never called you back after sexual liaisons. Again, if you self-project yourself at that club with a tight dress that’s extremely short, or a male at the club walking around with no shirt, do you possibly think your dream man/woman is going to come and talk to you for you? Or that the trend of the wrong man/woman attracting you will end?
I’m pretty sure for many this article is a “no-s**t-sherlock” piece, but trust me there are people in this world who don’t understand that self-projection is of all and end all of what type of people will talk to you.
A sexually aggressive girl will always pass by the dude who looks too nice. A man, who is all about multiplying his women count, will always walk past the girl who doesn’t wear tight jeans or have cleavage hanging out. So the perceived nice guys and girls know to stay in their lane by only talking to those they deem safe.
But at my tender age of only 19, I always found it funny when the women who believe that “men ain’t s**t” are the ones with those suggestive Facebook photos’ of them going to the club, or they’re walking around with the tightest leggings seen to man. It’s all about self projection. You can’t demand respect if you don’t respect yourself. It’s extremely clichéd but it’s true. Even a man can’t expect a Halle Berry-esque type woman if his pants are down to the ground.
So to officially conclude this, your self-projection goes farther than dressing up for interviews for jobs. It’s with choosing you mate too. Hopefully this article could help a woman or man or two out. 
Staff Writer; Brad Washington 
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4 Responses to “Contrary to popular belief, Yes Black Relationships…”
  1. OriginalMan says:

    I am impressed with the wisdom you just shared young brotha. You gave some factual and valid points as it pertains to how we project ourselves to each other and in turn what we end up attracting. I did not understand this concept myself until i was well into my late twenties. By that time i told myself i will not compromise my character and self worth to gain the attention of women who are not worth a damn. It seems as though people tend to choose style over substance; overlooking a person’s character, how he treats others to go along with his self projection. But in all you tend to attract more of the type of person that you are and how you present yourself. And if you dont like neither than change what it is that’s not working for you to get better results.

  2. Eleanie says:

    I have been thinking about this same topic lately. I really believe that so much of this starts at home. What are we teaching our children (those of age) when it comes to the topic of love, dating, mating, courting and preparing ourselves to be good husbands and wives.

    I am not saying that we need to push this down their throat at an early age. But we tend to only have this conversation when they are good, grown and old. Perhaps we should begin talking to our children about what makes a man or woman a good mate. Possibly when they start dating.

  3. TheTruthNow says:

    Most black men know by age 16 that being a thug will get you some women, especailly black women. Many black guys who are decent men either change over to being trifling bum thugs in irder to attract black women or they will leave black women alone and go after nonblack women. This is a twisted psyche many black women have adopted, which is thug love. Many black women only want a good black man after they’re in their thirties, have whored around for years, have multiple children with multiple men, and have been used up and dieased up. But by then it’s often too late and those men are not available.

  4. James says:


    Great article an very on point. Another aspect that specifically; black men & women do not pay attention to is (self-perception and self-esteem); an indirect/direct reflection of a person via, image, material stuff, $$$$, etc. etc. These dynamics tend to also project a false image of self which, a lot of women attract to, more so than the 9 to 5 man (“nice guy”).

    From personal experiences in life, the military, college, and now here on my job:
    *****(A lot of black women look at my VA/Government ID and se $$$$$; b4 they’ll even look me in the eyes)*****(SAD AS S**T)
    however, a lot of these same women wear little or nothing in public and it’s a turn off for me; don’t get me wrong “I like a fat booty and juicey lips on a black woman too” yet, its all about personality and self-esteem as well because the bottom line revolves around “HOW I TREAT< RESPECT< LOVE< and; VALUE" (ME)!!!!!

    I've had my share of all types of women (professional here at the VA where I work, 'hoochies','honeys', 'black women', 'chicas', etc. etc. etc.) however, I also look at several questions that black men & women really need to ask themselves 'individually':

    (1). What attracts to me?

    (2). What do I attract to?

    (3). Am I marriage material?

    (4). Is the other person marriage material?

    (5). Do I value my mate more than myself?

    (6). Does my mate value me more than him/herself?

    These 6 questions usually lead to a very deep 'inner' search to get to the root of individual issues but, if the issues are never addressed then, the same self-destructive behavior patterns will continue, regardless of the type of relationship, and/or preferences of the individual.

    The other old saying to back up "nice guys finish last" is; "hurt people hurt other people". . . . .



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