(ThyBlackMan.com) When a relationship goes sour there can be an influx of painful feelings. In that space you very well might question your judgement, strength, and self-love. Nothing feels worse than betrayal. To love a man with everything you’ve got only to find out he is neither loyal nor faithful to you can shatter the heart in a million pieces. If this person is your husband it can make you feel as though something in you died. Sometimes one has to step away from the situation to get clarity on what has happened in the relationship and acknowledge the pain and possible rage they are feeling.
Many of us know this situation is not always handled correctly. We hate it when men go through bad relationships and we hear the “all black women” or “most black women” stereotypes. It is harsh, unfair, judgmental, and can severely hurt a woman that is innocent. Sistahs need understand the same applies on our end. Anger and bitterness can lead you to make declarations and give statistics that are based in said anger…not truth. It doesn’t matter if you are in America, or another country as the internet allows us to disseminate information far and wide.
Tonto Dikeh, Nigerian actress, on the back in of a nasty divorce to ex-husband Olakunle Churchhill took to her Instagram page to make a striking statistic about men. No one is judging how she feels about her ex, her stance on his actions, her accusations of him, or anything she speaks of his character. We would be out of pocket to speak on that because we haven’t seen nor lived what she has experienced. With that being acknowledged what is dangerous is through unfounded statistics regarding MEN in general…not merely her ex, but men as a whole. “For those of you who say GOD FORBID well I hope you know that 60% of the men you/WE marry SLEEP WITH MEN.”
Bold statements as such are dangerous, and she offered no sources for that number at all. This kind of information will also have women that are dealing with similar situations sharing information that is unfounded. In this space men can be mistreated and falsely judged that have nothing to do with a negative situation. We want equality, and to be treated fairly. There is nothing wrong with that; we must be ready to offer what it is we demand. There are many women married to men that are not bisexual and are loyal to their wives. For perspective 60% is more than half of the men that are married…men she nor I have ever met. Just because the words sat right in your mouth, which is an issue for another day, doesn’t make them facts…nor is it speaking your “truth” when the sweeping character of strangers is on the table.
As women we must come together to help our sistahs that have been hurt and mistreated heal as much as possible. We must also hold each other accountable for the manner in which we speak during these times. None of us should error on the side of being reckless when in pain if at all possible. Of course, men should do the same, and a men must began to have these discussions with each other about how they handle pain. This is our space for that discussion. Statistics born purely out of pain and anger don’t equate to the truth. They just serve to cause further pain as that toxic communication spreads through community.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele