Tuesday, April 7, 2020

5 Areas of Preparation for Marriage.

January 11, 2020 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Marriage can be amazing. Sistahs let me tell you…I’ve been married almost ten years and my husband is an amazing person. He is supportive, caring, hardworking, devoted, an amazing father, and imperfect. Yes, I said it…my husband is not perfect. The thing is…neither am I, and I am the first to admit it. We can be wrong, and if we are not careful, we can have unrealistic expectations of a spouse while battling their expectation. It should be common knowledge that marriage will not fix pre-existing issues…that includes loneliness. Marriage isn’t something that should be entered into lightly, and if its space you want to live in it would be wise to prepare yourself. Learning more about you, and your tendencies, while working on areas that aren’t will help you once you get to the space where it’s not just about you. “Happy life happy wife” is played out if you want to happy marriage the goal may need to be “Happy spouse happy house”. Consider these five areas of preparation before you marry.

1. Marriage should be a partnership with unconditional love. Are you selfish? To love someone unconditionally can be a sacrifice in some parts of your marriage, but it will always require selflessness. If you know you are selfish commit to working on that before you enter a marriage.

2. Are you able to manage your home as a single woman? Look, sistahs we know the home can be a sanctuary. Yes, there are bills, groceries, laundry, housekeeping, and work. If you are having trouble with organizing this balance, consider learning new methods. This isn’t about gender roles…it’s about being able to come to the table in this area. If you don’t have a method of your own…you aren’t in a position to compromise. This can leave you feeling like the flow of the house if controlled by your spouse.

3. Think about how you view family. If you have unresolved issues with parents or siblings, it would be wise to work on healing in this area. Just as you should not have to endure trust issues because your spouse has mom or dad problems…the same should apply to you. You don’t want to end up hurting your spouse because of mom or dad hurt.

4. Grounding yourself in what you believe spiritually is a necessity. Many things happen in a marriage. When walking with someone there are times the sun is shining its beautiful bliss on your life, and other times the storms are threatening to tear your house down. Anchoring yourself spiritually allows you to stand when those trying times come. It also allows you to better know what you want in a spouse and marriage.

5. Allow fairness to be a part of your character. What you expect from your spouse needs to be what you are willing to give. Before you marry take the time to search how you feel about interactions with your man…or men in general. Be sure that you see your spouse for who they are and not through the lens of your past…or what society says about that demographic. This is something to be worked out within yourself well before you decide to get married.

Earlier I stated I’ve been married almost ten years, and we were tested with life before we were well into our first year. I was so glad I listened to my elders and began preparing for marriage well before I met my husband. No, I’m not perfect but preparing allowed me to see him more clearly and speak for myself and thoughts more efficiently. Having an idea about who you are as a woman and what kind of wife you want to be gives you confidence going into a marriage.

Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele


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