(ThyBlackMan.com) Sistas it is time for us to embrace a culture of fairness and honesty. We want men to do the same, and they should move forward in such. However, that’s a conversation for men’s meeting and we’ll leave that to a man that knows better and lives it. With that being said, there are many of us that desire to be in healthy relationships but if we have a sister circle there will be a discussion/bashing about the behaviors of men. Very few will begin looking at self or look at self at all. This problematic as some of us are note merely single because something is wrong or broken in our men…but the broken pieces is within us. You don’t have to be living crazy for this to apply. Some of us are mannerable, faith filled, have excellent careers and have extensive education. We see ourselves as strong, intelligent, and a woman that is bringing plenty to the table. This could be true, but how you view men will determine if you can connect with them. Brothers must assess the same within themselves. There is no way we can want a healthy relationship and function well in one if we lead with the premise that all men are weak.
I know you might think this is something that can be done, but it will affect how you treat him. The brother could be great for you but if you believe all men are weak, that includes this man, there are ways by which you will judge him that has nothing to do with his character. This is
where too many of us walk into the area of hypocrisy and forget that we don’t like being judged, or generalized, based on a man’s experiences with other women.
This isn’t about absolving A MAN that is out there treating women poorly; this is about acknowledging the part too many of us play in the demise of a relationship while lamenting that we don’t feel loved. It is important that we take the time as individuals, and a sister community, to heal our heart and mind. every man is not our father, uncle, elder, nor ex; it is time to allow a fresh space in our heart that will allow us to see others clearly without the past intervening.
To have a healthy relationship both parties have to bring health and positive energy to the table. For all the love you have in your heart to give, and as much as you want to receive the love you deserve, you never want to become the toxic part of the relationship. Just as you don’t want to be spoken down to, looked down upon, and tore down by the words and actions of your man…you don’t want to be the person that does those toxic things to him. When we look into our sister circle remember some of those sisters are raising boys that will one day become men. If all men are weak one day that will include your sons. Trust me, that is not reaching…it’s a hard reality.
There are some weak men in the work, and there are some women just as weak. If a man wants to be with a woman, he needs to access how he views them and if there is negativity based on past hurt he needs to absolve that so that he doesn’t hurt a good woman. We can all agree with this. This same position applies to us as women. Some of us are engaging with men based on our past experiences and experiences that belong to the women we love. None that will yield us a healthy relationship…nor a healthy heart. We need to consider healing. We must consider seeing a person as they are…not based on we have been. Love does not blossom in hypocrisy and judgement.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.