Tuesday, July 14, 2020

Be Yourself…Unless Yourself Is Terrible (relationship advice/commentary).

July 23, 2019 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Whether you’re actually trying to give your heart and soul to someone for the long haul or you’re just aiming to get in their drawls, being yourself is the best policy. We live in a time where we get both the real person and a look into their lives and fake people who want us to see what they want us to see.

Both approaches have their pros and cons even though we tend to applaud one more than the other. We love people who let us into their lives, they’re genuine…until we get hit with too much information or they share a little too much with us. Like, yes, we appreciate it but some things we could go our whole life expectancy without knowing or seeing.

We malign people who only let us see enough or have a “public persona.” So secretive, what are they hiding? They can’t be trusted, obviously. However, that person isn’t showing you how the hotdogs are made like the real person plus they’re living life how we all tend to rule ourselves. We don’t want people in our business but don’t mind being in everyone else’s business. When you have a face you allow others to see, you control your own narrative. No one can be in your business if you don’t put it out there.

Be Yourself

So when you’re trying to get a relationship popping, maybe you should be yourself. See, a relationship is private. It’s between one—or more—folks so you can reveal yourself. You’re actually expected to do this since you’re not supposed to have lies in it. How can you be trusted if you don’t put everything out there, right?

It also helps if you’re a kind, respectful person off the rip. You know, you just radiate “trustworthiness.” If that’s the case and you don’t really do anything questionable or that could bring danger to the door or have folks smashing on the door like the DEA, you probably won’t have to share much. It doesn’t hurt to do so and you don’t necessarily have to just share everything in one torrent of truth.

You can be nerdy, a jock, boring, exciting, eccentric, eclectic, logical, a dreamer, religious, atheistic, behind the desk or in the street—if you’re a decent person, and it shows, just be yourself. There’s several folks out there for you who are with all of that.

Share your financial state, how vulgar are those student loans? Were you arrested in the past? What for? You’re on medications? Which ones? Got a baby mama? Your recent ex is locked up? What for? Whaaaat?

…Unless Yourself Is Terrible

So, maybe I was a tad too optimistic about being yourself. A little heavy-handed, if you will. While being yourself is still the best policy there are times when, you know…being real goes very wrong. Say the honeydew, cougar, young buck or silver fox you’re talking to hits you with these questions but you know that you’ve got baggage.

Alright, cool. Everyone has some baggage. Just be careful in how you put it on the table. Now say that your baggage is just…oof. Just—you should’ve kept that to yourself. But wait, you didn’t put it into the air yet! This is when not being yourself is handy. You have to lie to them but you can omit a few things.

I mean if they didn’t ask about it specifically and you don’t put it out there, it’s not exactly lying.

I’m kidding. Kind of. Moving on. More than that, being the opposite of yourself depends on who you are in that moment. You’ll know if you’re actually a decent person or if you feel you are a decent person. Look at column A: are you a decent person. Don’t glance, look at yourself. You might have flaws and issues and still be someone who isn’t a jerk or an adult brat.

If you’re anything other than that, don’t be yourself. They’re terrible. Improve yourself before coming into other people’s lives with the cursed suitcase you call “baggage.” No one needs that sh**, you don’t even need it but it’s yours. Work on that before getting involved with someone. Doing otherwise just smacks of selfishness and wanting someone to fix you or giving someone a “fix me” project.

Staff Writer; M. Swift

This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.

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