Relationship Loyalty; Five Promises You Should Reconsider. : ThyBlackMan

Monday, October 21, 2019

Relationship Loyalty; Five Promises You Should Reconsider.

June 23, 2019 by  
Filed under Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Many have heard the saying “promises are meant to be broken”. However, that is not the case for someone that values integrity, and finds honor in keeping their word. Loyalty might seem like a lost art, but there are still people that mean to stand by their friends and loved ones. They have established a track record that promises are meant to be kept. If you find that you are this person, I commend you for having this degree of character in a world so lacking. However, it is important to understand life happens. Every promise made is not guaranteed to be kept because you are human. Sometimes you will find that you make promises that are well meaning but others understand there could be problems along the way. Others will make you feel guilty at the most inopportune time because you could not keep an impossible promise.

Below are five promises you could reconsider, as absolutes are impossible to keep.

1. I promise I’ll never leave you. This is a well-meaning declaration, but it’s a promise no one can keep. In the case of death there can be anger mixed in with grief as those left here tend to remember the promise of never leaving. Furthermore, you never know what the future will hold. You may end up having to leave for your well being or that of the other person. This promise could also be used as a guilt trip if you find yourself in a toxic relationship as your words promise is now used to hold you hostage. If you value this promise consider saying, “I’ll do my best to be there for you.”

2. I promise I’ll never fail you. This is one we must put away. You are human which means you are not perfect. There is no way you can promise to never fail someone. Even with the best of intentions and plans life happens, and sometimes we fail. This is a promise you can’t keep to yourself as you are growing and learning which means failure and mistakes will happen. Consider, “I promise to do my best”.

3. I promise I won’t tell a soul. This sounds like a reasonable promise to be able to keep. If you are loyal to the person you are dealing with, they should be able to trust you to keep their confidence. However, there are times you may be told information that you have to tell because said persons life may be in jeopardy. When you are being sworn to secrecy you tend to know if what you are told could end up being told for safety’s purpose. If the situation is dangerous it would be wise not to give your word to be silent.

4. I promise I’ll never hurt you. As with the promise to keep a secret giving one’s word to never hurt sounds both reasonable and doable. The problem is you may find that there are situations whereby you are doing something to help the one you love, but it is perceived by them as hurt. That is a very hard pill to swallow because you know your intentions and actions towards them saved them true hurt, but they are unable to receive your actions. In this space you will be accused of breaking your promise. Furthermore, life is not black and white so though you may try not to hurt someone you are human and very well may end up doing so. Know that this promise can also be manipulated to put you in positions whereby you can get hurt or be guilted into a situation that is not in your best interest. Consider promising to be the best person you can towards those you love.

5. I promise I will always defend you. If you have a protective spirit this could be one of the hardest promises to avoid. Many times, you may feel its best to defend your loved ones in public and address their behavior, if need be, in private. This is a good practice but depending on the severity of their actions you may find it hard to defend them and keep your character intact. Its also another promise that can be thrown in your face at the most difficult times; this often occurs when an individual knows their actions have gone against your moral compass. Consider promising to defend when you can, but loved ones need to know you will address bad actions. You are not willing to defend anyone blindly.

Promises are an interesting part of relationships. There are many people that feel they are important and are a measure of character. Keeping one’s promises are a part of the fabric of trust, and because of this it is important to be mindful of what you promise. You don’t want to be seen as someone whose word means nothing, but you also don’t want your word to become shackles by which you are manipulates or held hostage in situations. Make promises with care, and caution.

Staff Writer; Christian Starr

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One Response to “Relationship Loyalty; Five Promises You Should Reconsider.”
  1. Trevo Craw says:

    As a marriage, family and relationship counselor, I suggest these as promises you will keep and vows for marriage you must keep if you truly love the other person. Especially if you overstand what love is and what it requires.

    1. Be what you want.
    2. Don’t ask or expect what you are not willing to give.
    3. Be the bigger person.
    4. Let small stuff go.
    5. Always be part of the solution, not part of the problem.
    6. Listen, learn and be the example.

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