Don't Know What You've Got Till It's Gone.

Wednesday, June 26, 2019


Don’t Know What You’ve Got Till It’s Gone.

May 27, 2019 by  
Filed under Health, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) In 1988, the glam metal/hard rock band Cinderella released the hit “Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone)”. As the title mentions, sometimes you have a relationship with someone who will probably be the best possible partner you could get, they enrich your life in every way—then something happens. Cheating, outgrowing each other, and in the case of P. Diddy, failing health.

In 2018, the mother of P. Diddy’s children and ex-girlfriend, Kim Porter, passed as a result of a heart attack at 46. The two dated from 1994 until 2007 and were on good terms afterwards in order to raise their children in a loving, positive environment. A year after her death, P. Diddy is still reeling from it and handling it the best way he can.

One of those ways is to share his feelings on social media. Some might say “No, keep that to yourself and work through it” but some folks are just very public with their lives. It’s expected of celebrities even though there are some very private stars. P. Diddy has rarely shied away from the public and let his followers on Instagram know what he’s going through.

The general consensus has been supportive. Everyone has lost someone and you get into that mindset of “I could’ve done better by them” or “I should’ve done more.” When it’s a positive relationship, it hits differently. It probably hits harder when you know you did that person wrong when you were together.

Despite the support, there are those who have kicked Diddy when he was down. Letting him know that he was the main reason things ended with Porter. Diddy’s in such a state that he just agreed. It’s not sad that he agreed, it’s sad that people figured “This is the time to strike.”

Coping With Loss As A Black Man

Often times, we’re taught to suppress our emotions. Not to outwardly express them because to do so is a sign of weakness. Seeing, Diddy express what he’s going through isn’t exactly new and refreshing—because this current and next generation is somewhat more flexible about expression—but it is healthy to see.

And it isn’t because Diddy is a Black man with power and influence, it’s because he’s a just Black man. A Black man from a generation that was raised by a generation that taught Black men that crying and sorting out your emotions is something you don’t have time for so just swallow that sh** down and keep it moving. Then his generation sorted out that “It’s okay to cry” but you had another half of that generation that said “No it isn’t.”

That brings us to my generation who is more along the lines of “Sort your emotions out how you can but sort them out and work through them.” If you have to cry to let it out, do it. There’s nothing wrong with it if it helps you. If you need to drink alone and listen to some throwbacks while getting your mind right, do it.

The important thing when faced with loss of a loved one or the ending of a relationship is to deal with your emotions in a way that does you and others no harm. You want to get a lot of that negativity out because it can taint your outlook on relationships and life in general and make you bitter and hardened.

The result is another person who could end up passing on a toxic outlook to someone who is a blank slate or who is also hurting and that’s something we really don’t need. So, take your time if you’re going through something. If you have friends and family who can help and understand how to work with you when you’re in the mood you’re in, let them in if you’d like.

You might be pressured to “get over it” by others or even yourself but there’s no time limit to grieving and coping.

Staff Writer; M. Swift

This talented writer is also a podcast host, and comic book fan who loves all things old school. One may also find him on Twitter at; metalswift.


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