Spotting Low Self-Esteem Women. : ThyBlackMan

Sunday, August 25, 2019

Spotting Low Self-Esteem Women.

May 25, 2019 by  
Filed under Health, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( Today in America women strategize with each other every day. Many women (not all) plot, scheme and collaborate on how to get men, trick men, use men, take from men, punish men, make men pay for what other men did and then some. Then when men flip the script, suddenly these women are “harmless innocent victims”. Women, good or bad, crazy or sane, have more rights than men in this country. Yet “male” sellouts like Steve Harvey make every effort to expose what they think are male secrets so they can sit on TV and help women gain the upper hand. And who do our women listen to? Oprah – a woman who has never been married, has no children and has no solid concept about who she is or Who created her. She is a rich empty shell with a magazine and a talk show. Oprah cannot usher our women into a world of intangible success because all she has is tangible material lifeless things.

Though it should be about fairness and maturity, not about gaining the upper hand, books that propose to tell women how we men think and what we men should be sell like hotcakes. They put us in a box, stereotyping our behavior every day of the week. Men are consider the abusers, players, dogs, cheaters, the irresponsible and even the deadbeats while women are considered the helpless, innocent victims – regardless of the fact that statistical proof often shows otherwise. Yes I have real proof. The narrative is inaccurate and those who promote it know this. The stereotypical lies are intentional.

So it is only fair gentlemen that I share what I know as a marriage, family and relationship counselor about women of low self-esteem, women you may need to avoid like the plague. Unless you plan to date one, rebuild her and informally become her therapist –  even at the risk of your own peril.


Sound harsh? Alright, maybe so. But women with low self-esteem tend to have patterns of behavior that can be dangerous and even damaging to men. I am not saying these women are all bad people. But I am saying they tend to work against you, themselves and solid relationships – often subconsciously.

Women with low self-esteem tend to dress provocative because the responses they get make them feel better about themselves. Some of them like Paula Abdul, Stacey Dash, Jennifer Lopez and even Halle Berry are beautiful. So most men would never suspect these women have low self-esteem. Especially if you don’t know what to look for. Low self-esteem plays out in repeated failed relationships, especially with women who are always “dogged out” or cheated on, no matter who they seem to choose.

Women with low self-esteem tend to rely far too much on what other people think about them. It influences their thoughts and moods then guides their actions and reactions. It impacts what they wear and why because the attention they get helps them to overlook their insecurities. But they are never really able to accept themselves so they keep pushing the envelope.

Some of the very women who dress in the most provocative clothing are doing so just to get visual attention, though they don’t want to be approached. Many of you men who did not overstand that thought they were just teases. But what you didn’t know is that these women lack the confidence to follow through with the communication, connection or your approach in a positive way. That is why they want the attention of so many men yet reject the advances of those same men.


Before we proceed and in case you are wondering if these conclusions are just my personal opinion, they are not. They come stats and from interviewing and counseling hundreds of women (mostly African-American) for well over a decade. My assessments are accurate, like them or not. The women I speak of know what I say is true, whether they will admit it to you or not. They whisper about it to each other, share it through text messages and talk about it late night on the phone where we can’t hear.

I am not stereotyping all women and telling the truth to protect men is not woman bashing. In fact, if anything, men today are getting bashed by feminist man-haters everywhere you turn. Now let’s pull back the sheets and see what Shatika and Becky are hiding.


Women with low self-esteem are hardly ever satisfied, no matter what you do. Why not? Because they are not satisfied with themselves from within. They are constantly trying to change things about themselves like body shape and size, hair color, looks etc. Plastic surgery or Botox injections are huge clues. Hair weave to look like someone else is also a clue. And while most people of either gender likely want to look our best, there is a big difference in the motivation of low self-esteem women to do so.

I remember a woman who worked for me years ago. She was an African-American female with a beautiful face by almost all standards, clear complexion and a body that could stop a plane on the runway. Straight women could not help but stare or hate on her and lesbian women would fall all over themselves trying to see or talk to her. Yet she had low self-esteem. Which is why her boyfriend was able to abuse her and mistreat her in ways nobody should experience. He did not break her, he took advantage of the fact that she was already quite broken.

Which brings up another key point. Many of these women of low self-esteem are not simply victims of bad, manipulative or abusive men. Even though society keeps wanting to paint the picture that way regardless of evidence in many cases to the contrary.


So why do these women have low self-esteem then? Some are emotionally unstable., Some are biochemically unstable such as so many bi-polar women who look “normal” but are not. Some compare themselves to others around them and feel they don’t meet the standard. Such is the case with African-American women who try their best to look and act like European woman Meghan Markle. They feel they will be accepted if they look like those who have been accepted. Some women have been told by family members, past boyfriends or husbands, co-workers or even church members that they do not measure up – and the women believed it. But the woman who believes a lie is just as much at fault as the person who told it to her.

Beautiful women, again, can have low self-esteem. In your local strip club there are women like this everywhere you turn. Why else would they shake it for money, let men (and women) touch, grab and paw them? No it is not just to pay bills. Nor is it just for materialism. It is also because many of these women feel that is what they are here for or all they are good at doing in life. It is a subtle form of prostitution and self-degradation due to a subconscious lack of self-worth and identity. It manifests itself as a lack of self-respect and allows for others to perpetrate the same on them like pieces of meat.


Pimps know this and can spot them easily, no matter how pretty, sexy, nicely dressed or shapely they are. No matter what these women drive, where they live or how much money they make. I never quite overstood that until I thoroughly interviewed a few pimps. And men who are players can spot these women too. In both cases, these type men know how to use the insecurities of these women against them. I could go deeper into the psychology of how that happens but that is another article for another time. And while I have never done that, I have seen it done skillfully and effectively many, many times.


Women with low self-esteem have a focus on the negatives about themselves more than the positives. They live in self pity. They often consider themselves too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too dark, too light. And no this is not just “black” women, but our women are my focus in this article. They always see themselves as victims of life, men, government, society, community, corporate America and so on. They create groups to build up women because they feel so low and much less than others.


Confident women do not focus on the negative about themselves nor others. Nor do they require society’s constant approval. They know who they are. They are not living by what other people think yet they are intangibly and personally successful by majority standards. Confident women also come in all shapes, sizes and colors – regardless of appearance, just like women who are not. They are strong but they do not have to keep saying it. Women who have to keep boasting are not just trying to convince you. They are trying to convince themselves. Confident women do not have to do this either.

I have met and can name a dozen strong and confident women. Many may look average or even below average. They may not even have the cutest face, the tightest body, drive the nicest car, make huge salaries nor dress impeccably. But they exude confidence effortlessly all on their own. They are awesome to be around. They are positive and energizing. They are empowered. They are a breath of fresh air and they do not feel the need to put men down in order to lift themselves up. In fact they do not feel the need to put down anybody in order to lift themselves up. Their words, disposition, attitudes, outlooks and actions automatically build others up and it is a pleasure to be around them.


There are so many low self-esteem women who are flashy. Calling themselves “divas” when they don’t even know what that term means. Labeling themselves as “queens” yet lacking any idea of what a real queen is, how she thinks and how she behaves. Even believing what people tell them who lie to build them up. People who know these women and girls have low self-esteem.

Women of low-self esteem are easily identified by what they do to get attention, usually focusing on and emphasizing the external, physical features. Confident women get the attention without having to do anything special or go out of their way. Why? Because it is neither what they do nor what they wear. It is who they are. Confident women know this and those around them can feel it too.


Very often I have found that women of low self-esteem will try to pull men right down there with them because misery loves company. To reiterate what I said earlier, these women are not satisfied with themselves – an issue they are quick to project on unsuspecting male companions. And they hide that insecurity by finding ways to blame the man for everything they can. Which is not to say the man is perfect or never part of the problem. Yet if a man allows himself to be put down by any woman, no matter what her level or lack of confidence, that man has low self-esteem.

A woman with low self-esteem loves praises. And while all of us human beings do as well, confident people do not crumble without praise. This means you have to be careful guys because the woman with low self-esteem is drawn and almost controlled by who and what makes her feel good about herself. Meaning? Meaning that a man who is willing to spend more, compliment her more and make her feel good about herself more can snatch her away from you faster than you can say “you’re kidding me”. And you should be aware that very often women with low self-esteem demand things of men they cannot (or believe they cannot) achieve and acquire for themselves. So don’t end up broke and looking like a sucker gentlemen.


Because women with low self-esteem are sometimes that way from being hurt, abandoned, abused or neglected, they will likely have trust issues. That can present a problem if you are a trustworthy man. Their efforts can subconsciously sabotage relationship after relationship, causing you to pay part of the cost in the process. And there is much more.

I have only scratched the surface today. But I have given you enough to think about, check on and look out for. I am not saying all women with low self-esteem are bad or evil women. Like any group of either gender, some are and some aren’t.  But I am saying there are dangers and risk to the man who chooses one such woman as his companion.

I suggest you read the following article per the link herein. I did not use it to write my article, but it covers many of the same points and then some. Areas that I could not cover due to time and space in this blog. Pay close attention or you could be in for a world of stress, drama, hurt and loss.

Staff Writer; Trevo Craw

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