(ThyBlackMan.com) So you say you listen, if someone gives you advice in the “right way“? Really? And what way might that be? Or does your ego kick in when your own people try to share knowledge, educate you with their expertise and lift you up? As a former detective, training instructor, consultant and highly skilled and well-versed professional, I know enough to know what I don’t know. I know enough to know when I need to teach, when I need to share knowledge to lift others up, when I need to walk away from ignorant people with big egos, closed minds and few results. I am also wise enough to know when I need to be quiet, listen and learn – which is why I have gained as much knowledge as I have in the first place. We can be confident and full of self-esteem without detrimental ego. So what about you?
I have found over the last several decades that African Americans tend to listen less to each other than we should as a people. Yet we listen more to “white” people than we do our own. In effect “the white man’s ice is colder than ours“. Too many of our people want to get into a knowledge contest with African American people who
have the expertise they don’t. Ego arises quickly and “black” people get offended. One case that happens repeatedly is when our people are asked to be accountable to what they said they would do. Accountability in the African American community has become a dirty word. And let me say these are not just my experiences, but also the experiences and accurate perceptions by a great many people of other ethnic groups who deal with “black” people on a regular basis.
BLAMING OTHERS AND MAKING EXCUSES NEVER HELPS YOU
Ego, attitude and getting offended is hurting the African American community. Why? Because too many people would rather stay in darkness and the ignorance of lack of knowledge instead of admitting what they do not know. I have witnessed more incidents than I can count where African Americans have lost out because they would not listen to those who had the expertise they did not. I have seen businesses close when they did not have to. I have seen people lose their homes when the home could have been saved. I have seen people lose everything they have, get fired, beaten by police, divorced, end up in jail or even worse when much of that was avoidable. All largely because of ego, attitude and getting offended instead of listening and learning. That’s just dumb.
Too many “black” people fail to overstand the value and purpose of accountability. The fact is that we are all connected and what one of us does will directly or indirectly affect our people as a whole – like it or not. The fact is that iron sharpens iron, but for that to happen, there must be sparks. And sadly our people neither like sparks nor being challenged to become greater than they are – no matter how you say it. The fact is that holding ourselves to a high standard is a good thing. The fact is that accountability helps us do better, grow stronger and rise higher. If our people as a whole could overstand that, we would be a lot better offer.
CHOOSING TO STAY IGNORANT, IN DENIAL AND IN THE DARK NEVER HELPS YOU
I do not accept that African Americans are less intelligent than any other ethnic group. But I do see that far too many of our people are less focused, less diligent, more lazy and less accountable than any other ethnic group in this country. All of our people? No. Most of our people? Probably not. But far too many. We get mad when the Mexicans and Asians come here with nothing and pass right by us. Yet we spend our money with them every week instead of owning even a grocery store, gas station or hair store in our own communities. Wake up. We all can learn from each other if we put the egos in check.
We get upset when the state wants to take over the public schools (in Atlanta) yet time after time we ignore the repeated failures of the Board of Education, cheating scandals, low attendance rates, low graduation rates and high dropout rates. Our people want to blame the police (sometimes they are guilty), blame the government, blame Donald Trump, blame the food stamp program, blame the bank for closing “on time” like they do every day (even though we are 2 minutes late). We want to blame the teachers when our children do not learn even though our parents are not checking homework because they are “too busy“. Anything else but looking in the mirror and being accountable to our “race“. Ego. Are you offended? If you are offended, maybe you will get offended enough to wake up.
EGO BLOCKS HEARING AND LEARNING AND GROWING
The “black” ego is our worst enemy by far. It results in everything from divorce to domestic violence to death to the loss of so much unnecessarily. The wisest of our people know when to be quiet, listen and learn. They know how to respond after they think through things instead of just reacting ignorantly without thinking. Only a fool would rather stay in a dark whole of ignorance because its comfortable and familiar. And watch what happens when this article posts. A lot of negative comments by the very type people I speak of or very few readers because people fear the mirror. We have to do better people. We can do better. And the lack of real identity is feeding egos that are based in ego alone – not in intellect, the ability to get results nor exceptionalism .
If you think some of us think too much of ourselves, maybe it’s because you don’t think enough of yourself. And know that those of us who have made an accurate assessment can back up our self- perception, self image or self-esteem with results. If you think some of us are arrogant, maybe it’s because your self-esteem is too low. It’s not a competition so if someone knows more than you, learn from them and benefit from their knowledge, wisdom, experience and expertise.
So what are the solutions? There are many. If you have expertise, share it. If you do not, listen to those who do. Look in the mirror. Learn to put ego in check, at least until you can make the results match. Take advice in the form of constructive criticism. Recognize the value of accountability and that we are all connected. Spread the word, share the message. Be the iron that does not resist sharpening. Come out of the dark and close down the cave. Do not let ego make you a slave to denial and ignorance.
Staff Writer; Trevo Craw