Wednesday, November 21, 2018


Husbands As The Providers?

June 26, 2018 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) For decades as a marriage, family and relationship counselor, mediator and life coach I have seen more cases than I can count of wives demanding that their husbands provide for the family – and that is Biblically correct. But it is not as simple as that. So today we need to look at the whole picture, not just the parts the wife wants to throw at her husband. Some may say today the husband can no longer be the sole provider, but that presents two problems:

1. If you dare to throw out or modify God’s blueprint, you have added to or taken away from the Word of God in your life and as such, anything goes. With two people in disagreement they can get stuck.

2. The husband and father can be the provider according to the biblical definition but many people will not accept God’s definition of “provider” because it does not meet their material wants and desires.

The Bible does in fact say the man (husband in context) is to be the provider for his family. Yet if he is not married, he is not obligated to be the provider, like it or not – even if the couple lives together. God’s rules for husband and wife are for just that – husband and wife. And while the wife does have the right to expect her husband to provide, she should also be aware that her focus must be on her role as wife (including submitting to her husband) and getting the mote out of her own eye first.

Matthew 7:3-5 King James Version (KJV)

3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?

Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?

5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.

Secondly the wife should realize she is to be a “help meet”. But just as in the garden of Eden, the husband is to determine how she is to help – the wife is not to determine that. Biblical truth, like it or not. Eve was given to Adam to help Adam with what God had instructed him (ADAM) to do, not for Eve to simply help any way she saw fit, when she felt like it or to any extent she determined. Go back and read it for yourself in Genesis.

No more hypocrisy wives. It has always amazed me when the wife wants the husband to be where he should be yet the wife is not where she should be. For both the husband and the wife, it is a process of growth in every area. Yet too many wives hypocritically refuse to accept that. In such cases if the wife is to make 100% provider demands of the husband, is she willing to meet his demands for her as a wife? Fair is fair. I suggest both husband and wife read I Corinthians 7:4 which points out neither the wife nor the husband have authority over their own bodies but they over each other.

We all would be wise to study what the Bible says about covetousness, mammon and loving the things of the world, especially when we try to make them needs.

Meanwhile the Bible does not allow for the wife to work a job if and when she feels like it, help the husband any way she sees fit and separate her money from his. But every week wives who say they serve God and believe the Bible are found to be doing these things like they are biblical. They want what they want, when they want it, how they want it and regardless of the cost or the violations of God’s word. Then, when it’s convenient, they want their husbands to be the “provider” by the wife’s definition. Ladies you can’t have it both ways, all the ways or any way you want. That’s not godly.

Wives read this information: Duties Of A Wife: https://www.openbible.info/topics/duties_of_a_wife Role Of A Wife: https://www.allaboutgod.com/role-of-the-wife-in-the-bible.htm

But let’s go deeper into what the Bible defines as the man being the provider for his family. Timothy in I Timothy 6:8-10 points out that we are to be content with food and clothing. And God makes it clear that we need shelter which is a safe dwelling place or rather a home. So the husband should provide food, clothing and shelter for his family. But the problem comes in when people (especially the wife) start trying to redefine what God means by the husband being the provider. A Christmas list of luxuries, amenities and conveniences that suit the woman (and the man very often) are not the biblical description of a husband providing for his family.

God’s biblical definition of a husband providing for his family does not include whatever the wife (nor husband) want to include. And herein lies the problem. God’s definition of the “man” providing for his household includes meeting the NEEDS of that household, not the materialistic wants. And not their conveniences camouflaged as needs.

The wife obligating the husband to provide based on her wants, preferences and conveniences is NOT the same as God’s obligation that the “man” must provide for his household.

Today we have so much that we have become dependent on those conveniences to the point where we inaccurately make them needs but biblically they are not. We get attached to those material things and we tend to love them. Thus the wife obligates the man to provide them – the wife, not God. While God’s position on these things is clear.

1 John 2:15-17 King James Version (KJV)

15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.

16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

God’s biblical definition of the husband/father providing for his household begins with what the husband provides once the couple is married. Before that there was no marital household and thus no marital obligations for the husband. But today too many women are looking for a husband to relieve the burden of the bills, debts and expenses THE WOMAN has already created. This expectation is not at all biblical and not supported by scripture. It is what the woman (soon to be wife) wants, not what God has obligated the man to pay off, assume nor include.

So then where does that leave the husband, the wife and the children? If the husband is to be the provider, he is to do so based on God’s definition – not based on the wife’s (nor the husband’s) lust of the eyes, lust of the flesh or the pride of life. This truth changes things dramatically today. And if you disagree I suggest you study all the verses that apply for yourself. In fact if you disagree, I dare you to study them for yourself in context with a sincere heart that wants to know the truth.

If the wife wants the husband to provide, is the same wife ready to submit? You cannot pick and choose from the Bible when it’s convenient.

The husband/father is to provide for his household, no doubt about it. But according to God’s definition, the only one the “man” is bound to follow”, the woman should then be at home unless both people decide otherwise. Realizing that as the head of the household, the final decision on specifically how the wife is to be the “help meet” falls under the authority of the husband (Ephesians 5:22-25, I Corinthians 11:2, I Peter 3:1-22, Titus 2:3-5, Colossians 3:18 and others). And while some of you want to pick and choose scriptures to apply when they are convenient, God’s word does not work like that.

So the man who does not provide for his household is worse than an infidel and has denied the faith, according to scripture in I Timothy 5:8. Surprised that I quoted this verse? I bet many of you thought I would overlook it. Not likely. It may in fact take the man some time to get there and there can be unforeseen circumstances that complicate and delay the fulfillment of his role such as injury, sickness and other emergencies. That is not to make excuses, but rather to provide realistic and truthful reasons for delay. Wives would be wise to realize this and being so hard on the husband will cause you to reap what you sow ladies.

The husband and father is to be the provider based on God’s definition, not based on the woman’s definitions, wants, previous bills, expenses or material desires.

If it’s time for the man to provide for his household, it’s also time for the household to fall in line with God’s definitions of “needs” and of “providing”. It’s time for giving up the excess, the luxuries and amenities and going back to basics so the husband/father can provide for the household as he has been commanded to do. It is time for the woman to come home and stop working unless THEY decide otherwise for her as a “help meet” with the final decision belonging to the husband (see Titus 2:5). There may not be nice vacations, at least not for a while. Paying off debt and owing no many anything will have to become the focus instead of luxuries and conveniences. There may not be two cars, or maybe not a car at all when there is a bus or transit system available. Don’t expect hair and nail shop visits ladies and guys don’t expect to but your motorcycles, boats, big screen TVs and game systems. None of those are needs. Kids your piano lessons, summer camps, playstations etc. are not needs either.

Now how many of you (husbands and wives) are ready for the husband to begin providing for the household? Be careful what you ask for. And while you may disagree with me, God’s definition of the provider is the only one that matters.

Sometimes the wife is the key to the husband becoming the very provider she wants. But other times she can be the biggest hindrance to it. Especially if she wants to keep weakening the financial foundation by pulling from it.

Finally, all that being said, a husband and father is much more that an ATM and much greater and much more valuable than the bills he pays. There is no set amount that the Bible prescribes a husband and father must bring home as a salary but what he does should meet the NEEDS of his father. He also must save and make sure the family is not in debt. So it is wise for the family to distinguish between needs and wants, reduces expenses and prioritizes based on what matters.

Wives and moms value your husbands and recognize the many contributions they make – not just the financial ones.

The God-given role of the husband is unique and he cannot be replaced by a mom, a boyfriend, a grandparent, another woman nor a live-in companion. He is a teacher, protector, companion, counselor, disciplinarian, mediator, life coach, role model and much more. Looking at a husband and father as mainly an ATM more than anything else short changes his value and works against his many roles in the family. Let’s look at, study and live the whole truth, not just the parts that are convenient. Husbands strive to be the provided described in the Bible. And wives be prepared to give up the luxuries and conveniences that will allow your husband to be what he was called to be. If you are not, you are a hindrance and you might as well be quiet.

God is the example as a provider that the man must follow. So let us all remember that as The Example, God is about wisdom, priority, stewardship and commitment to meeting our needs, not our wants like some Santa Claus, genie or tooth fairy.

Staff Writer; Trevo Craw


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