5 Signs You’re a Toxic Parent. : ThyBlackMan

Sunday, December 17, 2017


5 Signs You’re a Toxic Parent.

August 6, 2017 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) First things first, let’s dismiss the notion that as a parent you know exactly what’s best for your child. The harsh reality is that most of us adults don’t even have our lives together. We may be able to provide food, clothing and shelter yet lack satisfaction and fulfillment in our day to day life. Most adults are over-worked, stressed out, depressed, angry, struggling, scared and/or confused. No matter how old you are, you are still growing up on planet earth. When we accept where we are in life, who we are showing up as on a daily basis, we will begin to uplift ourselves and our children.

Parenting, like life, is a process. We all make mistakes in parenting but that is a lesson to learn how to correct our behavior. When we admit our wrongs to our children, we teach them the importance of learning from their mistakes and changing the behavior. I recommend that we all look truthfully at ourselves to ensure we are not raising our children in a toxic environment as a toxic being.

5 Traits of Toxic Parents:

1.      Teaching them not to express their thoughts and emotions. This ideology that boys and big girls don’t cry simply teaches children to hold their rage in. The downside is rage can’t be contained forever. We force children to hold their tongues when they are talking to adults rather than teaching to communicate with adults, because again, being an adult does not make you right.

2.      Failing to provide a safe and supportive environment. We all need love and affection. It is a craving we have by nature. While I am a believer of tough love in certain aspects, I do not believe it is the only approach to parenting. Tough love can serve to make a child independent, but it can also create issues for them having close relationships in the future. In a safe and supportive environment, we are given the love necessary to take appropriate risks in life. Security gives us more courage to make commitments in life and tough love helps us to see those commitments through.

3.      Making hurtful jokes. It is healthy to laugh and have fun with your children. It is okay to have silly moments and make jokes back and forth. The problem is when the jokes are emotionally or mentally abusive to your children, yet done by the parent with a smile on their face. Picking on children and pointing out everything they do is harmful to their confidence and ability to fully love and accept themselves. Parents should be the protectors of their children, not the household bully.

4.      Criticizing them. As parents, we all want the best for our children. We all want to correct improper behavior, but always telling them they are wrong is not healthy. Pointing out every minor thing creates a very negative and hostile environment for the child. It is normal for children to make mistakes, this is how we learn and as parents it is imperative to understand that. Find a balance between positive and negative feedback and strive to encourage your children rather than bringing them down.

5.     Asking them to conceal your problems. The age old “what goes on in this house, stays in this house” saying can very well be a clear indication that your parenting style is toxic. Of course, your home is your place of security, the place where you can safely be yourself and your child should not be running around telling the world what occurs in your home on a day to day basis. The real issue is when the parent asks the child to without problems that affect the child as well such as sexual abuse, dealing with a parent who has an addiction, or financial problems. In most cases, a family secret is to conceal something negative and often leads a child to feeling embarrassed, isolated and lacking the ability to trust their parent(s).

This article was not written to speak down nor in an ill-manner about parents exhibiting these traits and trust me there are many others that were not listed. This article was written by a mother who has fully reflected on the impact that our life path and embedded behaviors as parents have on our children. Home is not a do as I say environment, most of us act way more than we speak at home. Home is where we learn to be ourselves, we learn about our value and worth, home is where we learn to love and to trust. Home is where the heart is for a reason, it is at home where the heart is at rest. Or at least it should be…

Staff Writer; Dina Tuff

333rd Eye Healing Temple

Reconnecting Consciousness to Magick

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Comments

5 Responses to “5 Signs You’re a Toxic Parent.”
  1. Danny Boy says:

    I agree with this wholeheartedly as well. I have been out and about with my son and have had to check other males who try to regulate my son’s behavior while I’m there. Just because I’m not brow beating my son and threatening him with bodily harm when he makes a mistake, that doesn’t make me soft as a parent; and fam, take care of your own home/children before you try to regulate mine.

  2. M Anthony says:

    If you want your children to respect and honor you, start by planting the same and doing the same towards them. You reap what you sow.

  3. M Anthony says:

    As a marriage, family and relationship counselor, I have to say the author left out one of the biggest traits of a toxic parent. And its very prevalent, esp in the AA community.

    Ruling the household by fear instead of leading based on respect. Your children should not be afraid of you or afraid of getting beaten. Many of you cannot tell the difference between the rod and abuse. And verbal abuse is just as bad.

    I don’t care what Grand Mama did, if she used fear, she was WRONG. You are teaching your children that fear and violence solves things. And that is not the way.

    I am not saying spare the rod so don’t put words in my mouth. I am saying don’t let it be seen as the only way, the best way or even the first way to get through to your children. Separate discipline from abuse and overstand the difference or you might just end up in jail.

  4. Staff says:

    The article has been updated Jeannie.

    “5” info there now.

    -Smile-

  5. Jeannie says:

    Interesting article but where is the 5th trait of a toxic parent?

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