Nurturing a Marriage: A Wife’s Perspective. : ThyBlackMan

Tuesday, May 22, 2018

Nurturing a Marriage: A Wife’s Perspective.

April 10, 2017 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes who knows what else. Marriage is hard, love is tough, and while both are a choice you can’t have one without the other.

My husband and I will make five years married in May. It will also mark eight years together in our relationship. Somehow we’ve seemed to have made it through the “7 Year Itch” but that doesn’t mean our relationship has been without it’s struggles.

I’m not a relationship expert, I’m not a marriage counselor, and I won’t pretend to be one. I was asked to write about nurturing a marriage and the only thingI can say about this topic is that it takes work on the part of both the husband and the wife.

The common advice is that the same thing you did when you were courting/dating are the same things you should do when you’re married. This is not only true it’s imperative. If you sent flowers, write notes, have a set date night, or even sex night those routines are requirements at the very base level of marriage because it’s very easy to get comfortable.

Marriage shouldn’t become your favorite pair of sweats that swallow you whole and cover your FUPA allowing you to do you. Marriage should always be your favorite pair of skinny jeans, the freakum dress in the front of your closet, the six inch heels meant for twerking, walking around naked, cooking, stomping through the club, and wrapping around your significant other’s neck. From the perspective of a woman and a wife marriage is about the art of sincere surprise, not complacency.

It is easy to be complacent when everything seems right. However, sincere surprises allow you the comfort to know everything is right. Honestly, what this all boils down to is making sure your significant other knows they are valued, cared for, and appreciated.

That’s the only secret to nurturing  a marriage; putting in the time, energy, and effort it takes to nurture that marriage the same way a mother nurtures a newborn child. A mother wouldn’t not check on her newborn child. In the same vein a wife shouldn’t not check on her husband or a husband on his wife.

We’ve all heard the statistics 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. Finances rank as one of the top reasons for divorce, but behind finances are all the issues born out of complacency. These are issues my husband and I battle in our own marriage as well. We’ve stared down the barrel of divorce more times than I care to admit but somehow, by the grace of God, we’re still together trying to work it out to give each other more sincere surprises and memorable moments than days of meh.

Nurturing a marriage requires time, energy, and most of all consistency. It requires love, understanding, and compromise. It requires honesty, loyalty, and fidelity. Every one of these is a choice, just like marriage, and just like marriage we must say we do or we don’t. Nurturing a marriage requires just that nurturing and it’s a choice we must all make if we want to choose to stay married.

Staff Writer; Nikesha Williams

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