Father or Sperm Donor – Which Are You?
(ThyBlackMan.com) Chinua Achebe, “We cannot trample upon the humanity of others without devaluing our own.”
Fathers unless you have your house in order do not complain or ridicule your brother’s house. The Igbo, always practical, put it concretely in their proverb: Onye ji onye n’ani ji onwe ya: “He who will hold another down in the mud must stay in the mud to keep him down.”
“The Education of a British-Protected Child: Essays”
“Fathers, it is time to lift our children, our families, our culture, our communities from the mud of poverty, ignorance, death and destruction.” William Jackson – My Quest To Teach
Fathers have a choice to be a blessing or a curse to their children, to lead them to a life of safety and growth or condemn them to potential death sentences of poverty, ignorance and no societal, economic and political voice. They (fathers) are supposed to be the foundation, the rock that their families can stand on during the storms of life and the challenges that they will face. The national deaths by violence of children, teens and young adults by their peers are a signal that parents are not doing their jobs and too many fathers are not parenting, fathering, guiding and mentoring.
There is work to do in the community, too many fathers are counter productive and adding to the troubles their communities are facing.
Fathers are influential in the social and educational directions of their children, they set the tones for social interaction, establishing the direction of their children and others around them.
Fathers must teach developing social skills and humbleness that boys and girls developing into men and women will need. Children are modeling their father’s insecurities, negativities in mentality and social actions. The father is the model whether at home or not, looking at the communities of color and culture too many fathers are not involved or do not care.
Social skills are not just necessary social requirements; they are the patterns of behaviors for survival that boys and girls of color and culture will need to know in order to grow in a society that is still struggling with boys and girls of diversity and color. The directions of life take many twists and turns for youth especially youth of color.
This is NOT another hate the system or hate the government blog, nor is it a blog on what the educational system is not accomplishing.
This blog addresses the responsibilities of “men in the village” to re-evaluate and re-prioritize their thinking and to be of service to their communities.
The Nigerian author Chinua Achebe through his writings tries to teach men that positive emotions to their children are beneficial and “do not fear being thought weak as a man” because men show emotions, they should to establish a connection with their families.
Men have a right that extends to the accountability and responsibility to be involved in their children’s educational growth and social development. How can men attend sporting events in support of their children, but cannot consistently volunteer, visit, mentor, support their children’s schools that are preparing them for life in this nation?
Achebe shares, (fathers) “do not show any human emotions and sentiments so as not to be seen as weak,” are creating un-caring societies where children are forgetting the value of love, compassion, sympathy and honor. Men do not have to cry to show emotions, but should hug and kiss their children, just as African men have done for centuries.
How many men can blame the State Attorney’s Office and law enforcement if they won’t “man up” handling their “business” and parental responsibilities in raising their children? Prisons are not Day Cares, Learning Centers, Enrichment Organizations; how many men visit their children that are incarcerated, how many men are proactive to teach their children that prison is the wrong direction to go.
Fathers instead of speaking against schools need to volunteer in them, work with teachers and administrators to make sure all students are successful. Learning starts at home and fathers need to be responsible for this happening and continuing. What father would want their child to learn from the streets and face incarceration or even death from the hands of their brothers?
Fathers need to be involved in a dialogue that teaches with love and wisdom, young fathers need help in understanding they are important in their child’s life-long development. An appropriate quote from Nigeria that the late Achebe shares, “People who do not seek their fellow human beings’ help when in danger or difficulty are therefore animalistic.”
Too many children are in need of mentors, guidance and direction that can come from men that see children as a future investment. Fathers cannot just be sperm donors. Spreading their seed without being held accountable and responsible.
Children should be seen holding their fathers hands and involved in activities that build critical thinking skills, encourage problem solving abilities and promote higher order thinking that creates language development, increased vocabulary and appreciation for being intelligent. “People say that if you find water rising up to your ankle, that’s the time to do something about it, not when it’s around your neck.” Chinua Achebe
African American communities are finding crime and death inching around their necks, they don’t want police involved so should do something positive about it to make a change in their communities.
The term “Sperm Donor” is nothing to be proud of, it is a title of irresponsibility, immaturity, and weakness. Because of continuous generational tragedies of fathers running away from their responsibilities young people of color are thereby increasing their likelihood of entering correctional facilities, being placed in special education class and if daddy is not there who do kids model except who they see on the streets and television.
To keep children of color and culture from entering into the “pipeline” involvement is needed not reaction. Fathers are an important part of this effort and once again fathers need to be
excited about being a father. In the beginning man was created first so men must step up and be a part of their children’s lives before cemeteries and jail have more children, youth and young adults in them than schools.
Staff Writer; William D. Jackson
Find out more about this talented writer over at; OCS For Education.