(ThyBlackMan.com) One of the biggest mistakes people of color make pertaining to dating and relationships is our tendency to date a person’s potential over the reality of who they are. Disappointment is the result or the effect of not believing a person’s actions the first time. The disappointment is really an illusion. Disillusionment sets in as disappointment because you felt this amazing person could have been Mr. or Mrs. Right; if only they lived up to what they were presenting. On the other hand, the other person is disappointed because they thought they were perfect for you at that present time. In the end, both parties are hurt, disappointed and resentment sets in when the reality of the relationship (and what each individual represents) is revealed.
Many times we try to make the people we date our very own “little project.” We do this because we would rather fix someone then take the time to actually work on ourselves. I’ve learned this the hard way. You can put all your effort into trying to change someone, but
at the end of the day, the only person that we truly have any power to change is ourselves. Although, we may never find the perfect person, I do believe we all have opportunities to attract people that are perfectly compatible with us; flaws and all. Which eludes to the statement that “anything perfect is a lie.” Once we really discover who we are, what we want and what is needed on a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical level; strong-new connections are formed. Please understand that imperfect-good people exist, despite what statistics convey. And let’s place the emphasis on good and not perfect. This is the root cause of disappointment or the illusion in understanding that potential verses reality.
When seeking a long term relationship we must dig deep to ensure that we are connected to a person that can fulfill us spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and physically. Taking these points for granted usually ends in a short-lived, unfulfilled relationship.
Understanding and accepting your flaws and being able to articulate them to your potential mate is the first step in creating a solid foundation for your relationship. Be sure to keep your ears and eyes open for signs that are not conducive to your standards and who you are. If someone is interested but believes they would like you even more if they could tweak this or that about you, make your position clear and never change or compromise who you are for their acceptance or expectation.
No matter how much you “think” you like/Love someone, a person that loves you doesn’t want to change you. They should only want to really understand you and what makes you, you. Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with improving yourself in different areas. In fact, I believe we should always take opportunities to become the highest version of ourselves. But this process must happen at our own pace. This is a reciprocal matter. If you are not into someone but you feel you could like them more if they did or didn’t do this or that, then understand that this may not be the “one” for you.
We all are unique and special just the way we are. When dating, it is important that we embrace our individuality and the uniqueness of who we are and wear it proudly. Understand who is supposed to be a part of your life will be no matter what. You can’t expect to build a real relationship on a foundation of what “could be.” Your foundations must be built on “what is!”