Four Questions to Answer before Your Next Relationship. : ThyBlackMan

Wednesday, June 20, 2018

Four Questions to Answer before Your Next Relationship.

August 13, 2016 by  
Filed under News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( When does the time come for a person not to be in a relationship? When is it best to remain single and make the most of it? According to data released by relationship experts, most people who find themselves out of a relationship waste very little time in getting into another relationship, with the average time in and out a mere six months. For more serious relationships, however, including those that may lead to marriage, most people wait much longer: two years.

Ultimately, it’s not the quantity of time alone as much as the quality.

Most people want love and relationship but have no idea what they really want in a relationship; why they even want one; where they will end up as a result of being in a relationship and when is best for them to even be in one.

As a result, people get into relationships and meander in them the way a ship with no goal or destination meanders through the ocean.

Try this ‘relationship detox’ by engaging these four basic questions before you dblack-couple-2016-Flirtingecide to commit another one.


Idealization: What Do I Want?

What do I really want for my life? What is really important to me? Creation begins with ‘what’; before anything can be created, ‘what’ has to be decided. Do you want marriage? A committed relationship? An established friendship? Asking ‘what’ is the gateway to change. In the end, it’s really not what you want in a relationship that matters; it’s what you want for your life. Figure that out, and relationships are seen from a different perspective. Asking ‘what’ opens up possibilities. Maya Angelou, If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.


Motivation: Why Do I Want What I Want?

Have you ever asked yourself why you want to be in love? Why do you want to be healthy? Why do you want to be rich? ‘Why’ gives ‘what’ its meaning. It adds to your happiness when you know why you want to be happy. What’s really motivating you? Get to the heart of the matter by asking ‘why’. You will begin to peel back the layers of what’s really important to you. You will then understand what Les Brown means when he says, Your motivation must be absolutely compelling in order to overcome the obstacles that will invariably come your way.


Imagination: Where Will Having What I Want Lead Me?

Once I get what I want, where will it lead me? How will I end up? How will my life be different? Will I be happy? Will I be fulfilled? Answering ‘where’ propels you into the future; it activates your imagination and reconnects you to your childhood, when you had big dreams of success. If you can imagine it, you can achieve it. If you can dream it, you can become it, writes William Arthur Ward. Imagine ‘where’.

When you determine where the ship will land, you make the journey quite more manageable.


Gratification: When Do I Want What I Want?

Is what I want something I want to have now or can I wait? Do I want what I want in thirty days? A year from now? ‘When’ deals with gratification. Remember, though, the words of the late actor, James Dean: The gratification comes in the doing, not in the results. What you must decide here is whether gratification is immediate or deferred. Do you absolutely need to be in a relationship at this point in your life? We don’t often stop to consider other activities that could be beneficial to our personal growth and development when we are not in relationship. Now would be the ideal time for that.

When we ask questions we uncover what it really is we want.

Staff Writer; W. Eric Croomes

This talented brother is a holistic lifestyle exercise expert and founder and executive coach of Infinite Strategies LLC, a multi-level coaching firm that develops and executes strategies for fitness training, youth achievement and lifestyle management. Eric is an author, fitness professional, holistic life coach and motivational speaker.

In October 2015, Eric released Life’s A Gym: Seven Fitness Principles to Get the Best of Both, which shows readers how to use exercise to attract a feeling of wellness, success and freedom (Infinite Strategies Coaching LLC, 2015) –


2 Responses to “Four Questions to Answer before Your Next Relationship.”
  1. Eric says:

    Thank you for your response. Indeed, the point of the article is to emphasize self-understanding before one enters another relationship. Self matters.


  2. Marque Anthony says:

    Your questions lack balance because they all point to I, I, I. Thus they steer the person into selfish motivations. What about questions like “what do I bring to the table”? Or am I prepared for the type relationship I want? Or what do I need, not just want? Or how important will the needs and wants of my partner be? There is far too much “self” in far too many relationships.

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