Four Attitudes Every Single Dad Must Have When Dealing with a Hostile Co-Parent.
(ThyBlackMan.com) One of the most difficult jobs in the world is co-parenting. Whether it is because of divorce, separation or simply being single, two adults must find a way to common ground in order to contribute to the upbringing of well-adjusted human being. Unfortunately, not every co-parenting relationship contains two willing adults. For many single-dads, parenting is tinged with the reality of a hostile co-parent. There just are times when empathy, patience and openness – the staples of a successful co-parenting relationship – don’t work.
Co-parenting with a hostile mother often leaves many single-dads feeling frustrated, angry and unsure of what to do. As one who has been through this, I always want to help single-fathers who just want to rise above the nonsense and remain a positive, motivating presence in the life of their child.
Here are four attitudes every single-dad must adopt when dealing with a hostile co-parent.
Know that Your are Empowered
First, it is important for you to know that you are empowered – even when circumstances may suggest otherwise. You matter. What you bring to your child shapes that child profoundly. Their eyes are watching you. As an empowered dad, always think strategic and always be willing to reframe any circumstance or potential conflict. Connect with other dads or dad’s groups for moral support. Consider launching a single-dad’s ministry at your local church it they don’t already have one. Focus your attention on the child or children, whatever their age. It’s the memories you are making that will get you through the tough times.
Check Your Ego
The number one target of a hostile co-parent is your ego; she is no longer interested in stroking it! The empowered single-dad must always be on guard against allowing his ego to compromise his power. Why? Because many a single-dad has given in to the feeling of inferiority during a heated encounter with the mother of his children and paid the price dearly.
It’s not about you or your being right all of the time. Learn to compromise. Project a sense of being above the conflict at hand. Always take the higher road. It will do wonders for your child’s development and their own ability to resolve conflict down the road.
Focus on the Positive
When your child is with you, it’s ‘positive time’. Always stay focused on the priorities; don’t waste time on the superficial stuff. Do what matters. Think what matters. Focus on what matters. If the phone rings and you know it’s your child’s mother itching for another confrontation, let it ring. Do not shatter your peace and quiet and your time with your child with nonsense. I always tell my single-dad clients to say something good about their child’s mother when their child is present – even if they don’t believe it! Call the positive into being as though it is.
Show Your Child the Big Picture
Use the larger lessons of your interaction with the child’s mother to prepare your child for life.
Do not believe for a minute that your child is detached and uncaring about the goings on between you and his mother. Do not become so concerned with protecting your children that you end up ruining their own abilities to handle conflict in a positive way.
Without getting into the emotionally-charged aspects, you owe it to the child to formulate larger lessons about why people do not live in harmony. Let them know that in life there will be angry people, uncooperative people and people who simply do not know how to get along with others. There is always a positive way of reframing negative behavior.
Single-dads co-parenting with a hostile mother must rise above the nonsense and remain a positive, motivating force in the lives of their children.
Staff Writer; W. Eric Croomes
This talented brother is a holistic lifestyle exercise expert and founder and executive coach of Infinite Strategies LLC, a multi-level coaching firm that develops and executes strategies for fitness training, youth achievement and lifestyle management. Eric is an author, fitness professional, holistic life coach and motivational speaker.
In October 2015, Eric released Life’s A Gym: Seven Fitness Principles to Get the Best of Both, which shows readers how to use exercise to attract a feeling of wellness, success and freedom (Infinite Strategies Coaching LLC, 2015) – http://www.infinitefitnesscoaching.com.