(ThyBlackMan.com) In this climate of NFL domestic battery and abuse, many wonder what kind of private apologies were extended to the wives/women by the professional athletes accused of such terrible acts! And how does an abusive man and those who’ve made mistakes actually go about saying “I’m Sorry” to the woman…convincingly?!
Being that a genuine apology is something that must be ‘on point’ and cannot be mishandled or taken for granted, I personally wanted to investigate this matter more for a higher learning. I began to ponder even more deeply into this after hearing a song called I’m Sorry by Barry S. McLeod. I didn’t know just how many women everywhere are singing this very cool song. It has a very special and significant meaning and message from a man who is apologizing to his woman, while admitting the mistakes he made to her. The song prompted me to strongly ponder much more carefully what the average woman truly expects in a “real” apology from a man who has done her wrong!
I’m Sorry helps to bring more perspective to the issues of domestic abuse and the necessity for sound communication – with the right measure of compassion for a woman who has been badly hurt by a man. The NFL perpetrators and others can actually learn a few things from listening to, and taking heed to the message in this very candid song that is fast becoming a “women’s anthem.”
With relationships being an issue I care about, I became curious about the writer and the “whys” of his song, and needed to have more insight from his experience. Hopefully I can pass some valuable information along that others will appreciate and benefit from – including the NFL. So I listened to the song and watched the video again. Actually, a few more times! What makes the lyrics so relevant to any case where a man has abused a woman is its regard to rectify or offer a “healing” for a battered woman or one who
is distraught from heartbreak. It is sad and unfortunate that these kinds of issues are now seemingly plaguing professional sports. And while women everywhere are taking a big stand against domestic violence in every capacity, before the dust settles, they all [battered or not] can appreciate a sincere apology from an abusive man. In fact, they demand one! While an apology alone will never solve the problems from the core, it can tend to help soothe just enough space for some very necessary, reasonable and subjective conversation.
So I sat down with the Artist and producer of the song and we discussed why he wrote the song and what he wanted to accomplish. But I started off asking him his thoughts on the recent incidents with Ray Rice and other NFL players – in contrast with the reality of domestic violence in general – and he had some very interesting things to say…
McLeod: “I just don’t see how a person can do harm to another person, regardless of the nature, and expect that things can be alright or normal again, without a sincere apology. A healing or resolve requires, first, addressing the situation and taking responsibility for the actions. Then, to acknowledge the effects and express a pure honesty in terms that something positive must be done. Next, there is a ‘listening process’ that is a must! And while apologizing sincerely, there must be an offering of assurance that the action of disrespect, hurt or abuse will never happen again, which can only be convincing by way of a daily action process. This process is one that must be done right, well and without fail!
McLeod said he has never experienced domestic violence during his upbringing! He shared that his mother was ‘never’ hit by his father. In fact, his parents made it a point to not argue in front of the children. And while these efforts were not always perfect, he remembers growing up in a home where violence was not an acceptable alternative to frustration or anger. However, he also shared a very interesting story that took place in a relationship he once had many years ago…
McLeod: “I was in a serious relationship with this woman who worked as a teller at a bank. We had an argument and I left the house to cool off. While gone, my sweetheart made herself cry so intensely that her face swelled and vessels burst in her eyes. The next day she went to work [eyes still slightly swollen and red] and you can imagine what everyone was thinking. Her supervisor asked her if she had been physically abused by me. She told the truth that I had never put my hands on her, and would not. But they didn’t believe her, and felt that she was in the denial that battered victims tend to go through. Needless to say, I was looked at very negatively from that day forth! This is why I know that people should be ‘wisely careful’ to hesitate to pass judgment into a situation they are completely on the outside of.
McLeod said he wrote I’m Sorry as an apology to a “good, honest woman” he misled and lied to when he was a very young man. He said he “broke her heart terribly.” As the years passed, along with some other experiences, he matured and reflected regrettably of the manner in which he had handled things. Especially because a young child was also involved, and that child admired him a great deal. So, in actuality, he had hurt ‘two’ people who deserved better.
McLeod: “Even though I have no idea where this woman is today, I want this song to serve as a kind of healing for any woman who has been hurt and is deserving of a “sincere” apology from a man that she trusted enough to genuinely care for, but was badly disappointed by.”
McLeod said pro athletes and other men can benefit from his song if they allow themselves to humble down to the main point of the song. And step up to the plate as a real man!
McLeod: I’m Sorry is a song that men can appreciate as well as women. With a nice smooth groove it makes one feel positive about the notion of being apologetic – particularly where it is due. It further offers a platform toward the approach of ‘laying pride aside’ for a valid purpose. Some men can even utilize the song as a tool to say what is so simple to say, but, in many cases, is a struggle to express. At the very least, it can open the door to some [hopefully] productive dialogue between couples! And if the man follows through with the appropriate action[s] he might be able to convince the woman of his sincerity and her safety. And from there the song becomes a special occasion at any time during the year.
I agree with Barry! And personally, I feel this song can be an ideal tool for the NFL to utilize to motivate every member of its staff, in every department. At the very least they will have some quality music with a specific message and positive purpose that can be appreciated by couples whereby listening to the song, they can initiate and engage into a healing process. This song is perfect couples who truly care for each other!
I’m Sorry is from the soundtrack [TEN] from the book Why I Did Them That Way, written by Barry S. McLeod. It can be downloaded at http://www.barrysmcleod.com where you can also watch the video. I highly recommend you take a quick look and spare a few additional minutes to watch the video. Most women will see themselves at some point of their life. No one will be disappointed!
So if you’ve been an abuser, or a victim of abuse, recommend this song and share the video with another who is dealing with the matter. Perhaps there’ll be a healing in that process as well…
Staff Writer; Scott Jones