(ThyBlackMan.com) Let me introduce you to the concept of “Financial abortions.” This is the idea that, when a parent doesn’t want to be financially connected with his/her child, they can remove themselves from the process altogether with no financial obligations whatsoever.
I was introduced to the idea by Kirsten West Savali, an outstanding journalist (I think she’s one of the best black journalists in America), who also happens to have strong feminist tendencies. I was surprised to hear Kirsten break from black feminist talking points to endorse such a drastic measure, but after listening to her and thinking about it, the idea seemed somewhat intriguing.
I’ll make a confession: I’ve always been bothered by the idea that I
can help create a baby, yet have no say in whether that child lives or dies. When my own daughter was born during my Freshman year of college, not having the option to even give the child my last name made me feel hurt and unwanted. Sometimes, it seems as though fathers just don’t matter anymore.
I’ll also admit that I’d be highly upset to hear that my baby was being aborted because its mother just “didn’t feel up to” taking care of a child, or found the child to be an inconvenience. But I believe that an ounce of protection is worth a pound of cure, so I’ve kept myself out of situations like this by being careful about who I sleep with and making sure there are no little Boyces running around that I don’t know anything about.
But sometimes, despite taking a series of precautions, we end up in awkward situations anyway. So, let’s assume the child is in the womb of its mother, and she then decides if this fetus is going to be turned into a bundle of joy or an aborted organism. Now, let’s assume that the father says, “I want to take care of this child, even if I have to do it all alone. So, please let my child live.”
Well, according to conventional liberal discourse, the child is still considered to be part of the mother’s body. Also, while some mothers might give the father a say in what happens with the child, there are others who feel that he should have no say whatsoever. But we also know that with great power comes great responsibility. So, if the mother has the power to make the unilateral decision to let a child live (even though it was created by two people), shouldn’t the father have the right to decide that he doesn’t want anything to do with it?
Again, this is just my logic on the matter. Of course there are some who feel that the mother should have the power to decide to abort or give birth and then also have the power to force the man to pay for her decision. But you have to admit that it’s odd that at no point after conception, the father is expected to have any say in any part of the child’s development, even when these decisions alter the father’s life. Would women tolerate such a thing or consider it a violation of their civil liberties? After all, if we believe that no one has the right to decide what a woman does with her own body, can’t a man say that no one has the right to decide what a man does with his bank account?
This is just food for thought, and I’ll admit that my recommendation is to wrap it up, don’t sleep with someone who might be a bad parent, and know your rights when entering into any kind of partnership. A little life is going to be affected by every decision you make.
Financial Lovemaking lessons from this story:
1) Kids are expensive, very expensive. It’s like committing to an 18-year graduate school program that costs $30,000 per year in tuition. Don’t do it for kicks, make sure you think it through. It’s going to eat into your bank account.
2) Bad family planning is the easiest way to end up broke. Single mothers and two/three-time baby’s daddies end up having the greatest degree of financial trouble among most of us in the black community. Building strong families and having children at the right time can be the difference between getting rich and having a lifetime of financial trouble.
Staff Writer; Dr. Boyce Watkins
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition. For more information, please visit http://BoyceWatkins.com.