“Pause on the “Absent Fathers”; Let’s Talk About the PRESENT Mothers.

by Staff September 5, 2012 15 Comments News Opinion Relationships Sista Talk Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) recently began working at a school, and upon doing so, I have come face to face with some of the ills that are plaguing our community. My encounters have been with young boys dealing with bitterness towards women because of the resentment they have for their mother that abandoned them, to children being dropped off as if school is a daycare, or free time for the parents, without even a care of who their child’s teacher is or the curriculum that their child is being taught by, but my most alarming encounters have come from young Sisters, being raised in a single parent homes, with the Mother being the primary parent.

One day, a young Sister came in with her two younger sisters and older brother, and they were late for school. I asked her why she was late. She says VERY angrily “ASK MY MAMA!!!” I said what’s wrong? She said we are late because my mother had to get round two in. Now, I am just looking at her not blinking, but thinking, Lord please don’t let it be what I think it is. So I slowly

say…what do you mean? She says with her man! Then she looks at me like I’m slow. She is upset because she couldn’t do her homework, since her Mother didn’t come home until late, and she was angry because she was going to get lunch detention. I told her that she wouldn’t and that I would talk to her teacher personally. I wrote the passes and gave her a big hug. Now, I’ve already had a previous encounter with the young Sister just a week before. She was out of uniform, and I gave her one to wear, and she literally filled out a size sixteen (both top and pants) and she is only nine years old. She was happy that her nine year old behind fit in those size sixteen pants, telling me “my mama says I’m thick”, while smiling as if that is something every nine year old should be told and feel proud of.

I had a discussion regarding the situation via my face book page, and afterwards a Sister inboxed me attempting to tell me that it is the father’s fault that the little is acting out of order. The last two conversations that I had with this little girl, was about her MOTHER. I don’t know the relationship between she and her father, I know that he isn’t in the house, and I don’t if they have contact. However, this is what I DO know:

1. She didn’t tell me her father told her she was thick like it was a damn compliment for a nine year old, it was her MOTHER. Her father didn’t tell her men like “thick” women as if this is something you tell a damn nine year old, like at nine years old, she should be told what’s pleasing to men. She was VERY pleased with how her nine year behind filled out a pair of size sixteen pants. This is a child, looking like a grown woman, and when some sick predator looks at that grown body, what do you think they see? Her mentality isn’t ready for that type of attention, but because the mantra “thicka than a snicka” probably reverberates in their household, she will probably think if a man admires her body, then he automatically admires the rest of her, and again why the hell are you telling a nine year old what a man likes? Sounds like a Madam grooming her daughter to me!

2. It wasn’t her father that made her late, it was her MOTHER. It wasn’t her father that put his physical needs before his children, it was her MOTHER. Apparently having an orgasm superseded her children being on time for school.

Fathers teach their daughters what a man looks like, how a man should treat you, and so on. Guess what Mothers teach their daughters? WOMANHOOD! Right now, a lot of young Sisters are getting warped lessons from their Mothers.

Later that week, there was another student, who is thirteen (also from a single parent home) that wrote a male teacher a letter, telling him that she would “do him and his buddies” if he would give her the lighter that he confiscated from her, because she didn’t want to get in trouble. A thirteen year old has cheapened her PRICELESS womb down to a simple lighter, and was willing to barter her womb for it. This should be disturbing to all that read this. What makes her think that it is ok for her to approach a grown man like that? Do we not see how the daughters of our community are auctioning themselves, but more importantly do we not see who may be influencing them the MOST? The Mothers! Look at the picture that is posted along with this article, yes it’s disturbing to see a Sister posing this way…but the MOST disturbing aspect is that she has her daughter taking the picture!

Here is her Mother, with her leg propped up, dressed in lingerie, posing as her daughter takes the picture. What type of image will that leave in her mind? If she sees her MOTHER in this manner, how will she ultimately see HERSELF?

We as parents are setting our children up to fail, to be a teen or hell preteen mother, a drop out, and vulnerable to predators. Some of our daughters are being corrupted by their own Mothers. Don’t tell me about the absent Fathers, right now I am more concerned about the PRESENT MOTHERS and the damage being done to our children. Everyone wants to talk about the “pimp” but no one wants to discuss the Madam.

I will let my girl Jilly from Philly tell you about the REAL “thickness“, for those Mothers that teach their child, that “thickness” is a badge of honor. I dedicate this song to you. Listen to this song and instead of the sister that Jill speaks about being 14….imagine her as 9!!!!!

[youtube xD2PYPXcpWg]

Staff Writer; Nojma Muhammad

To learn more about this talented sister, feel free to visit; Nojma Reflects.

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Ramses says:
October 27, 2012 at 5:59 pm
So many black women decided to listen to lil kim instead of lauryn hill years ago. They made a conscious decision to be whores, no one has made this way. John Henrik Clark said “for anyone to oppress you, you have to adjust your back for them to stand on you.” A lot of people don’t want toh ear this because when they look at their mother, she fits this profile. I thank The Most High that my parents were married when they conceived me and even though they didn’t stay married, they didn’t conceive me out of wed-lock. Black people do not want to admit it but they are under a curse. Black women hate themselves, their kids, their men, etc. because deep down they want to be white women. I noticed this years agon when I began to see them carry dogs in their purses. This was something white women were doing only. Black women hate white women so much because they want to occupy her position. And because of this she takes out her frustration on black men and her kids. In 2012 black women are still wearing colored contact, dying their hair blonde, wearing expensive weaves, lightening their skin with cremes, etc, etc. In the 70’s we had “Black is Beautiful” as the anthem but it was only a fad. Think about that. Our sense of beauty as a group of people was a fad. Black women are just not really likeable as humans. I mean they get by because they have “assets” and this makes it purely an animal issue in terms of physical contact. But in terms of spirit, black women have a demonic/sexual spirit attached to them. I am not being negative here…this is truth. Just be honest with yourselves. Hell black women don’t even like black women!!! I commend the ones who have pride in themselves and carry themselves as royalty but for the most part those are the exception. The rule is like the ones on the picture up above. A woman has a child at 13 or 14. By the time she is 301 her child is the same age. This same female is still going to the clubs and running the streets while her young daughter had developed into a young woman and looks like a grown woman. What do you think s gonna happen? She will get pregnant as well. so the mother becomes a grandmother at 31-32 years of age!!! Black people stop making excuses. This is what welfare has reduced your women to…this is what integration has reduced your women too. Young girls goals in life are to be strippers. our kids are becoming gays in junior high and in some cases younger. What you’ll thought would happen when you removed the Man? You thought you could remove him and there would be no consequences? You effectively destroyed you people when you did that and the remnant that’s left, who are the true nobility, are looking elsewhere. Black women are not being rejected because they are lacking physical beauty. They are being rejected because of their negative spirit. You can be fine all day but who wants to be around a vile, grumpy, overly-sexual, females who are not fit to be married. It’s only going to get worse, which is scary, because i don’t know what can be worse than this state of affairs for black people. Black people should have stayed committed to the spirit of their religions (not the institutions who claim to be about the religions). At least we had a moral center and “moral authority” like Booker T Washington said. We don’t have a moral authority when we attack Bill Cosby for the things black women do years ago. Black people think their messiahs, pastors, and scholars are gonna save them when the reality is you can’t save a people who are purposely being destroyed for their heinous ways and should be. Abraham Lincoln didn’t deliver our people from enslavement: The Most High did. And this is how you re-pay him!!! If I had a son, I would counsel him against a black woman based on who she is. That’s sad. There were times I would tell black women they were beautiful, even when I wasn’t trying to approach them, but just wanting to make them feel beautiful and they didn’t have the decency to acknowledge me or say thank you. Speak to them they ignore you. But if you were Lebron, they would drop their drawls on site. I really didn’t want to believe when a gay chick told me years ago that I wouldn’t be with a black woman based on my values (me wanting to be married) because most black women couldn’t handle a man like me because i knew what i wanted out of life and didn’t need a black woman to teach me how to be a man as if one really could anyway. But her words are ringing true for so many brothers like myself who don’t have high standards, but just basic standards of human decency. Like i said, kudos to those sistas who maintain themselves in a proper way but most of your female counterparts have put the few of you’ll in such a negative light, a lot of your good men don’t even have the time or patience to search through all the negative ones to get to the few of you all who are pure of heart. Water takes the path of least resistance and brothers are looking elsewhere in the world to find more suitable mates. I suggest looking at white men and as pro-black as i was years ago, i never thought i would suggest to a black woman to be with a white man. You can’t even go to the mosque, or church because the same female in the picture above is the main one that sits in the temple in brothers face trying to get him to marry her. The Most High will not allow these women to be married or even stay married if they sneak into because they represent the worse of what women have to offer and do not deserve to be honored in that way and once a woman crosses a certain threshold, she never can come back from that. Once a whore always a whore. That is not conjecture but science.
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Sistah Sankofa says:
September 15, 2012 at 7:02 pm
Ase’ Nojma Muhammad…We need to talk about what is staring us in the face. As one who connects with students on the university level everyday, I hear the stories and see the direct connection with their rearing. As one who was raised by a single mother, I know that raising children is not an easy task; however, I hope that which ever parent is in the home raising the children that they are conscious of the messages they are conveying.
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Aleasa Word, CPC says:
September 13, 2012 at 2:29 pm
I love this article. I have a 9 year old and it sickens me to see other little girls acting like they are ladies of the night based on their mother’s behavior! My sons at 22 and 11 also know what a self respecting female should look and act like in spite of the fact there is no male figure in my household to show them because I taught them to. Though it can be difficult being a single mother or father, it is our responsibility to step up to the plate once we decide we to be a parent. Shoutout to you for helping this little girl. The fact that she thinks “thick” is a compliment just like I hear other parents calling their children sexy just makes me cringe!
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sankofa says:
September 10, 2012 at 5:06 pm
Mah Nojma, don’t encourage her to write anything here. This will just further poison the dialogue, when her mind is still in the Caucasian man’s version of that Religion. Hers is a classic case of attacking the messenger because her funky ass is either out of touch with the community or perhaps she enables as well as participate in that destructive behavior.
I personally have seen too many edumcated woman, who claim to be professional, who acts ans says the same thing like this this Marva Berry. A note if you please about this judge not theme. Judging is something we all do. It is the ability to discern what is right from wrong. if we never had that in us, more of us would behave badly or make bad judgement. What we should refrain from doing is try to lynch people for saying something different from us. Sort of what Marva Berry just did.
Great piece of writing…when I grow up I want to be just like you:)
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Nojma says:
September 10, 2012 at 9:30 am
@MarvaBerry
That picture is NOT of the Sister and Mother that I wrote about, that is an already PUBLIC picture that was posted on another site. How is my attitude uppity and how were able to deduce whatever you THINK my social class is? You are exhibiting an error in reasoning and a fallacy known as “straw man”. A straw man is a type of argument and is an informal fallacy based on misrepresentation of an opponent’s position.
My attitude is CLEARLY stated in my article. Instead of focusing on what you THINK my social class status is, you should be disturbed at the fact that a mother is neglecting her children for the sake of an orgasm, and that she is teaching her daughter that “thick” is something that a nine year old should be proud of and strive for. For the record I personally mentor this young girl, I gave her a poem that I wrote, laminated it and she hung it on her wall. On picture day she ran up to me, and gave me a huge hug, telling me that she would give me a picture as soon as they came back. She also stated that when a young man approaches her she was going to tell him “she was born to be a Queen, NOT his play thing”, which is a line from the poem that I gave her.
I also counsel women and young girls of ALL ages. Everything from rape victims, domestic abuse, low self-esteem and everything in between. So before you assess me, where is your proof? PROVE your position. Prove what my social class status is as if majority of Black America isn’t struggling financially right now; look at the current unemployment rate! Who among us has “truly made it?” How am I putting down others? Prove that YOU know what my motives are since YOU have made the charge against me.
The reality is we (I and others) speak on the ALL realities of the Black Community, and majority of it is NOT a pretty picture. However if you are so dissatisfied with what Dr. Boyce has to say, or what I have to say, feel free to write and post whatever YOU feel is pertinent to the and betterment of the Black Community. Your comment shows your lack of development, being that my article is clearly indicative of one of the ills of our community, but all you walked away with is your assumptions and assessments that have no merit nor do you have an evidence to support your unsubstantiated allegations.
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natalie says:
September 10, 2012 at 9:00 am
Negativity towards the black community? Thanks for this article sis. Nojma!!!
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Marva Berry says:
September 10, 2012 at 5:03 am
First of all the author of this piece might want to consider proof reading her work before publishing it because anyone this judgmental of others ought to be perfect in every aspect of their own life.
Secondly, did this woman give you written permission to publish a picture of her and her daughter in this manner? Do you understand that there are legal constraints against taking and publishing pictures of students without prior written permission on a document known as the photo release form? Do you know that you could be reported for violating this and that young mother, if she was aware of it, could file a suit against you.
Finally, your uppity attitude is indicative of a class and culture divide among blacks in America that make it impossible for those who have so called, “made it” to emphasize and work effectively with those who have been left behind.
That is why blacks who consider themselves to be middle class are often more harmful to black children in the school system than some whites who can’t identify with their struggle to survive under under the harsh conditions of urban America.
I checked out the author’s page and found the main theme in most of her postings was made up of self promotion and the demotion and put down of others.
Not impressed and not surprised the Dr. Boyce has his imprimatur on this. His sites wreak with negativity toward the black community.
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G says:
September 9, 2012 at 9:13 pm
*pardon me* “…what is wrong with “our” community.”
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G says:
September 9, 2012 at 9:11 pm
This article illuminates what is wrong with community. Too much emphasis on sex and not enough on love, commitment, monogamy and marriage. No wonder we are imploding as a race of people. And we want to blame the White man?
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Menelik Charles says:
September 9, 2012 at 12:57 am
At last, an article which more than just hints at the devastating impact of having deadbeat moms!
Thank you.
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candice says:
September 7, 2012 at 10:28 pm
This song is wow!
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Yaminah says:
September 7, 2012 at 12:12 pm
Angie was right, it’s the mentality of the parent. My mother raised us a certain way that instilled self-value as well as morals. I remember my mother used to always say that when we leave the house, we were a reflection of her. And if by any chance, we reflected her in a bad light, trust me, it wasn’t pretty. But that taught me that to always be respectful of myself and others. As a parent now, I am raising my children, the same way. I wouldn’t dare tell my child what a man likes! That is the most absurd thing I have heard in a long time. I have seen where the mother want to be the daughter’s “friend” but my child has playmates and I am here to govern to ensure that my children have the quality of life they deserve and become successful when they begin their journey is life.
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Childfree says:
September 7, 2012 at 11:47 am
I love Jill Scott and her music. She seems to be a good person inside and out. Jill Scott is a single mom.
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Angie says:
September 6, 2012 at 6:19 pm
Coming from a single parent home, my mom would never catch me nor my sisters or my brothers acting like that. It is not about a single parent home versus a two parent home, it is about that parent’s mentality. I have seen a husband and wife argue with school officials because they were “taking too long” to tell them where their child will be placed even though it was only two people ahead of them. I have seen parent(s) drop their kids off in pajamas on the corner of the school. I have heard teachers don’t see parents until report card pick up even though volunteer work is offered throughout the school year. It is the adult. I do agree with most of what you are saying. It happens commonly in single parent home but it will always be the parent’s fault even if they are or aren’t together.
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DaTruth says:
September 6, 2012 at 9:45 am
This is beyond sad.
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