Black People, Dirty Black Secrets, Part 1. : ThyBlackMan.com

Monday, September 1, 2014


Black People, Dirty Black Secrets, Part 1.

August 14, 2012 by  
Filed under Opinion, Weekly Columns

(ThyBlackMan.com) Black people have some dirty little secrets.

We all see them, but we’re not supposed to talk about them.

But you already know that I just don’t care.

Here’s one:  Some Black women can be a huge problem for Black people.

Old crazy Darryl James has been saying it for years. I first talked about it in 2005 and people claimed I hated Black women.

But imagine the work that could have been done if we had simply acknowledged it.  We could have also rooted out the core issue and then began to work on some solutions.

Instead, we kept pretending that only Black men were problematic.

Black Americans trotted out every single problem plaguing Black people and laid them at the foot of Black men so that Black men could take the blame.

We pretended that only Black fathers were deadbeat, even though many single Black mothers were having babies by men who were ALREADY deadbeats, knowingly creating a larger pool of fatherless children, when instead we should have been chastising the single mothers who were choosing poorly—if the man has children that he doesn’t support or visit, why would he do  anything differently with the children you give him? And if you know that you will be a single mother, why become a single mother? Multiple times?

We should have stopped pretending that there aren’t women who know full well that they will be bringing a child into the world with no male influence or involvement, but do so eagerly, because they simply want to be mothers.

But we continued to blame the men, with the likes of Bill Cosby telling Black women that Black men are simply “sperm shooting machines” who want only sex and then “walk away from a thing called fatherhood.”

We allowed anyone to claim that Black boys were “choosing” to drop out of high school while Black girls were perfect and progressing. We allowed anyone who desired to claim that there were more Black men going to prison than to college and more Black men dating white women than Black women and more Black men in poverty than Black women and that for these reasons, Black women were being left alone in the dating process or “forced” to date outside of the race.

We allowed broken women to lie about there being no good Black men, instead of focusing on the simple fact that many of the Black women who aren’t married simply aren’t marriage material.

And, too many Black women are acting like whores and thinking like men instead of acting like ladies and thinking like wives.

Yes, I said it—oversexed and underloved (no self love and no love without sexual attachment), while blaming it all on Black men.

And it’s not like anyone in our race benefitted, because far too many Black women are still turning 40 with zero marriage prospects, and far too many of them are raising Black boys and girls without male influence or involvement, while lying about how they don’t want or need a man for love or child rearing and blaming Black men for the results.

But today, that has to stop.

Because today, we have finally been given concrete evidence that there are some horrible Black women who have been tearing our race apart.

And we saw it with Gabby Douglas.

Hearing Black women—not white women or white men—tear this beautiful Black Olympian down made it clear that something was stinking and the smell was not coming from Black men.

That same stench facilitated the media’s virtual erasure of Gabby’s daddy as though he didn’t exist. The media was comfortable with it because for more than a decade Black women have been telling the media and the world that Black men were absent and essentially, that they weren’t necessary anyway.

I already know that some of you are getting your “he hates Black women” responses ready, but you should stop and use your brain, or slap yourself.

If we cannot finally embrace the fact that feminism, self-hatred and insidious racist propaganda have turned too many of us too far against Black men and that it seeped into the Black community through Black women and turned into something ugly, then we are doomed, because we will never face the hard cold facts, and so will never have any resolution.

Next week, I will present some hard cold facts that will turn many of the myths about Black men on their heads.

The hardest fact of them all is that many of the myths have been perpetuated by Black women.

We must admit to ourselves that just as there are horrible white men and women and horrible Black men, there are some horrible Black women who are wreaking havoc on our people and they are not all uneducated hoodrats.

The truth is that many of these are college educated Black women who claim to be perfect victims are also in the ranks of those who tear down our community by passing lies, but also by refusing to stand up against the destructive elements

Black women, you are not the victim of Black men.

You have not been simply abandoned and forced into single motherhood, you have not been abandoned at the educational success line and you have not been forced to grow old and alone.

Many of you have made some poor choices that have lead you into some bad situations, along with our children.

And I love you enough, love Black children enough, love Black people enough to tell you and to encourage everyone to stop lying to you.

I’m here to tell all of our dirty little Black secrets.

Written By Darryl James

Official website; http://www.darryljames.com/

 

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Comments

23 Responses to “Black People, Dirty Black Secrets, Part 1.”
  1. toomanygrandkids says:

    LOVE this article. More should be written on the subject on how black females have destroyed/are still destroying black communities just as much as black males. For some reason, females feel as though they have something to prove. That they can be just as manly as a man. Most black females are angry because all of those years of saying they don’t need a man hasn’t worked out for them. So now, they complain about not being able to find a good black man. But it’s these very females who want to be single and free to mingle with as many men as their hearts desire. Hence, the numerous baby daddies who the females really have no intentions on trying to build a relationship with. You have to be relationship/marriage material first in order to become a couple. Many black females DO NOT want this knowledge because they are selfish and ignorant. I was around these types of females everyday, and they became even worse as the years went by. If I’m unable to hang with these types, I know that black men have a difficult time being in relationships with these females.

  2. Darryl James says:

    Umm Yeah, kill yourself. You are a problem and that’s why you are so angry. Seriously, kill yourself. That is all.

  3. Joey Pounder says:

    This is a bit stereotypical. To generalize that black women are further then black men in the first place is just ignorant. Anyone whose seen Hardcore Pawn knows that black women can get pretty crazy, and on the other note i went to college with a lot of intelligent, responsible black men who work hard and take care of their own. This is just more of the pointless categorizing and generalization that needs to stop. This whole country is diverse, we all have different backgrounds, and its sad weve been spoiled by the riches of our country to the point where have nothing better to do but right about whether or not black women are the cause of some generalized “problem”

  4. Umm Yeah says:

    Natalie, I hope you dug deeper into that article. He wasn’t disputing the validity of in group preferences. From an evolutionary psyche perspective men are absolutely more disposable than women and this leads to man complex sociological phenomenon. If you just think about it logically it makes sense.

    A man can biologically reproduce from the time he hits puberty till death, theoretically producing thousands of children.

    Women can biologically reproduce from the time they hit puberty till menopause. Then each time they get pregnant (rounding) it takes them a year before they have the capacity to reproduce. So between 13 and 51 (average age of menopause), 38 years, if they had 1 child per year, they could produce 38 children. Men can theoretically produce that many kids by have sex 38 times.

    There are biological differences that no one disputes that by necessity are going to lead to sociological implications.

    The question for us as Blacks becomes two fold as an oppressed minority. One, if there are biological differences, how do they influence behavior in local social circumstances within the context of white supremacy?

    In regard to your particular research, what are you doing to account for white patriarchy as a dominant form of psychological pressure among the various boys that you are researching?

  5. Umm Yeah says:

    I have attached a few works to get you started but many of them don’t add race as a variable which can be a challenge to a degree.

    But I am going to ask you again, because not you, nor anyone else has answered the question that is most relevant to our condition as Blacks:

    How do articles like this help us win?

    Let’s ratchet down the rhetoric. Let’s move past the discussions on Black male / female research, the implications you perceive to arise from your research that points to specific pathologies caused by the perception of ‘lack of value’ conferred on Black men by society in general. That is all fine, some results I probably would agree with.

    But that to me, Natalie, is a different argument then this thread. Even if we disagree on the differences of what constitutes (or should constitute) Black masculinity that is a different argument than my primary problem with the efficacy of articles like this in helping improve our collective condition.

    I don’t dispute the fundamental idea that Black males (can) acquire pathologies based upon broader social and culture circumstances. I can dig that. I can even get that some of your research indicates that this is caused by the dichotomy of “giving value or lack there of” to Black male and females and the respective social context of each gender and how this interplay causes a challenge to the Black male psyche. I dig that too.

    The power of white supremacy is not monolithic in its implications. It was not just a tool of economic and physical oppression, it also has psychological overtones that are embedded in the ‘Grand American Narrative’ that put a particular psychological pressure on us as Blacks. This is the premise behind “post traumatic slavery syndrome” and some of the concepts behind that theory.

    So I get all of that.

    The problem that I have with articles like this, outside of my perception of what constitutes appropriate Black male gender identity, is this.

    ——————–I creates a caustic and conflict based approach to problem solving that pits our two sexes in a war as opposed to positioning us to create collaborative solutions to our collective problems—————

    It is a symptom of White supremacy aligned with broader social movements in America that create conditions whereby it is more appropriate for the Black man and woman to ‘fight’ instead of collaborate for collective solutions. This post is a reflection of that. This is a punch in the face. If you have studies any form of media, marketing, message positioning, etc. Natalie this becomes pretty clear really fast.

    So I will say again, HOW DOES THIS TYPE OF ARTICLE HELP US WIN???

    Natalie, here are few to get you started:

    Abbreviate Bibliography

    Books
    Sperm War the Science of Sex – Robin Baker
    Unifying Biology: The Evolutionary Synthesis and Evolutionary Biology

    A Few Journal Aricles
    Life History Theory and Evolutionary Psychology – (Kapelan & Gangestad, 2004)
    Note: Of particular note is the section on mating

    Social Dominance Orientation and Gender: The Moderation Role of Gender Identity – (Wilson & Liu, 2010)
    Note: Key is the concept of SDO and gender identity which has particular relevance to the conversation we are having in here

    Is That and Action Man in There? Masculinity as an Imaginative Act of Self-Creation (Warren, 2010)
    Note: This one addresses the concept of masculine identity and self narrative. It touches on some of your research. The implications are the masculine frame work is rooted in the social cultural narratives and engagement between other men on what it means to be masculine.

    Evolutionary Origins of Stigmatization: The functions of social exclusion (Leary, 2001)
    Gender and Political Cognition: Integrating Evolutionary Biology and Political Science (Masters & de Wall, 1989)

    Beyond Nature versus Nurture: Process and Biology in the Development of Gender (Birke, 2002)

  6. natalie says:

    Interesting timing… This was just forwarded to my inbox.

    excerpt:

    This leads to another question: in American culture, it often appears that everybody cares about women as a group, even when they don’t need it, and that nobody cares about men as a group, even when they do need it. Or, as author Tim Goldich suggests, women are the automatic subject of compassion but presumed to have no power, whereas men are automatically assumed to have power but not presumed to deserve compassion. I have talked to some of my colleagues who are big on Evolutionary Psychology who look at that and despair, saying, “yep, men have no in-group preference, and the universal biological imperative is protect and provide for the females!”

    http://www.avoiceformen.com/men/agape-the-forgotten-love-of-men/

  7. duke says:

    one of the things that has really pigeon holing black folks are these blog sites on the net, that offer commentary, but no solutions of any kind of, i think it would be better off to offer solutions and not just eye fest in reading what we all ready know and that we as a people are pretty messed up we dont need to go on the internet to know or see that, but maybe we could start using the internet to build on solutions in stead of gab fests to no where.

  8. natalie says:

    Sankofa,

    Thanks! Trust me Im not worried!

  9. natalie says:

    There is great work being proposed by a team of multi-disciplinarian non-partisan clergy, educators, community activist, mental health professionals, etc. I have enclosed excerpts with a link to the proposal for our president to create a council on boys and men! Messengers with te same tired “man up”, Im a real man” conversations are completely out of touch. Their antiquated message and inability to recognie that confining men to a traditionally defined role in the social contract while empowering women to opt out creates an imbalance.

    http://www.theboysinitiative.org/images/Study_and_Proposal_to_Create_a_White_House_Council_on_Boys_to_Men.pdf

    http://whitehouseboysmen.org/blog/

    Excerpt regarding evolving roles

    Prior to the women’s movement, girls learned to row the family boat only from the right side (raise children); boys, only from the left (raise money). The women’s movement helped girls become women who could row from both sides; but without a parallel force for boys, boys became men who had still learned to row only from the left—to only raise money. The problem? If our daughters try to exercise their newfound ability to row from the left, and our sons also row only from the left, the boat goes in circles.

    A family boat that goes only in circles is more likely to be sunk by the rocks of recessions. In the past, a man was a family’s breadwinner and he might be with one company for life. In the future, advanced technologies make economic change the only constant, increasing the need for a family boat with flexibility—with our sons eventually able to raise children as comfortably as our daughters now raise money.

    A White House Council on Boys and Men can provide leadership to help our sons adapt to the next generation’s needs for more flexible family participation and more flexible work participation. To introduce both our sons and daughters to the trade-offs of both a traditional partnership (of each sex specializing in rowing on one side of the boat); and the trade-offs of a relationship in which both sexes feel comfortable rowing on either side of the boat.

    Excerpt regarding mental health of our boys

    In the past, our dads learned from their dads what to do in the fields, or what to do as an apprentice. It was our dads’ job to do, not to feel. The messages to our dads from their dad, mom, church and community were both clear and unified. And for dads who could fit in, that enhanced emotional stability. Today, with so many boys raised in non-intact families, there is neither clarity nor unity; neither dad nor mentor. And that can create emotional insecurity.

    While our sons need two parent families and mentors, the messages we send our sons to prepare them for the future need not be the same as the messages of the past. Just as more of our daughters found that more flexible expectations allowed them to experience emotional fulfillment from the permission to discover who they are, so we have the opportunity to create more flexible expectations for our sons rather than the pressures of the male role that too frequently lead to emotional distress or suicide.

    The Council’s mandate includes helping our parents and professionals give our sons leadership that balances the ability to do with the ability to feel —to help our sons make the transition from human doing to human being.

  10. Brothers and Sisters, this is great dialog, but this doesn’t solve the problems in our community. The solution is to get the top minds with proven success in their area to individually and then collectively come up with a plan to address these issues on a national base. Until we support something like this, we will continue to talk about our problems instead of solving our problems. The answers are there, we just don’t use them on a national level. There are great examples across the country that shows without a doubt, we can solve any problem.

    But these organizations don’t get the support they need to really make a difference in the community. They rely on people outside the community for their funding, which hinders what they can do or limit what they can say. The bottom line is, if we don’t start creating financial, business, cultural, educational, health, (physical and mental), and others, while supporting these organizations, then we can’t blame anyone but ourselves for the destruction of our community. Go to http://www.blackunitythetotalsolution.com

    Black Unity means financial independence and happiness

  11. natalie says:

    You communicate a fundamental understanding of research design.. i would be impressedwere it not for the facy that i never expounded about the details of my mixed methodological research which include a quantitative measures to determine the relationship between gender role conflict(the instrument grsc scale, oneil) and psychological distress (scl-90 revised, derogatis). There is a body of research in masculinity psychology that counters the arguments you make.. i will gladly accept your offer to debate these issues as i uave enjoyed oir exchanges and even if i may not agree with some of what you say, u sharpen me and i value the discourse.. with that said.. i will jave have my fall lecture schedule released on sept 25.. i will pass through several universities in the midwest one in the east and several in the south… please drop me an email so that we may make arrangements upon completion of my schedule. In advance of our arrangement i would have only one request that we exchange the research you have cited frm evolutiinary biology and i will do the same from clinical psychology so that oir exchange may be more informed and fruitful. Nataliaramirez30@yahoo.com.

  12. hey says:

    Umm Yeah I totally get your point. Our community needs psychological therapy to heal the pain both brothers and sisters have endured for far too long.

  13. Umm Yeah says:

    Wow, I am still tripping that I am defending our Sistas from Black men and women who are justifying beating them up.

    That is a Black pathology if I ever saw one and Sankofa I do more for my people on the average day that you probably have done in your entire life.

    So if that provocateur comment was aimed at me, then I suggest you redirect and address the substance of my argument.

    One final note for those of you who are actually rational. You can simultaneously build Black women up without tearing Black men down. They aren’t mutually exclusive.

  14. Umm Yeah says:

    Natalie, MEN (in successful communities) defend against threats to their family and community and culture. They don’t beat up on their women physically, psychologically, socially or emotionally period. If you legitimately want to debate this with me I can easily begin to cite evolutionary biology research, social and evolutionary psychology research and anthropological research to back me up.

    There is a distinction between critical analysis and rational critique and hostile aggression writing under the superficial film of “honesty” when we are dealing with our people. I understand why rapist rape. That is immaterial to the consequences I think they should receive when they rape. Understanding behavior doesn’t justify behavior.

    Quit frankly I am surprised at reading your past commentary in here that you are passively cosigning on this drivel.

    Let’s address your research, you state that –

    “Some of the preliminary findings of research I am involved in seems to suggest a relationship between the psychological distress experienced by men and strict adherence to the socially constructed idea of male disposability.”

    If you are a researcher then you know that A) There is both a context and B)a subject. Both are moving parts and in general social research is one of the most difficult forms of research to conduct with accuracy. Much of social research output is based upon the hypothesis that the researcher(s) are bringing to the available data. Also the distinction between quantitative and qualitative research is going to influence Output. You know this.

    So providing a simple description of a phenomenon based upon a hypothesis with a limited body of historical research is immaterial addressing the condition although (somewhat) important I concede.

    So, in general, it is immaterial to me whether your research shows
    psychological distress increases because of the perception of male disposability and here is why.

    If there is both a context and a subject, and the assumption is that the subject is the dependent variable that is influenced by the independent variable which is the context then my argument on this post to this author IS STILL SOUND.

    You don’t win by beating up on Black women. You win by shifting the social context in which the dysfunction occurs so that the output (individual depression) is reduced in the case of your particular research.

    There is no win by “getting Black women told”. It doesn’t work. You somewhat illuminate this in your research and if you expand your concept I think you will understand. If what women are doing to men leads to this phenomenon of depression, do you think men then turning the tables on women will lead to a positive outcome.

    No sister, that is not rational.

    So I stand by what I said…this guy is acting like a pussy…real men males “are builders, protectors etc.” of family and community.

    If you disagree I would love to debate you on the subject with more studies, research and data. But for now I find this post by the author simply abhorrent.

  15. sankofa says:

    Darryl and Natalie…right on. Don’t get distracted by agent provocateurs. Their agenda’s are not conducive to healing.

  16. natalie says:

    That is how YOU define what men are (builders, prtectors etc.) Your response to his post was to discredit his argument and label him as “unmanly”, a cryin little pussy. I see no evidence of the “compassionate correction, and building our people up” of which you speak in your counter argument. How manly is it for you to engage in the same shaming tactics used by women? There is some truth in your statement, when you posit that we lose when we attack. Men (and black men in particular) have been under constant attack from us and “manly men” like yourself for decades and now society is reaching a tipping point where men are “pushing back” as many of us predicted two decades ago.

    Some willl channel it into activism, some will vent their frustrations via blogging and still some will allow the years of neglect to unfortunately be played out in ways that we have witnessed on Chicago’s southside. I sat watching several months ago news coverage of the syrian crisis where there were reports of significant loss. As is common practice in western journalism, the reporter stated, “25 killed including women and children.” My nephew turned to me with a look of frustration and responded, “Oh yeah, we get it! Thats how much value is placed on our lives, outrage over women and children being killed as though the 19 men who died protecting them dont matter.”

    Some of the preliminary findings of research I am involved in seems to suggest a relationship between the psychological distress experienced by men and strict adherence to the socially constructed idea of male disposability. Essentially men’s manhood has long been defined by their willinness to sacrifice and render themselves as utilities for society and we have begun to witness an increase in depression and a suicide rate that is 5x that of women. What have men gotten for all those years of sacrifice, a community of women that tow the feminist line and speak the “talking points” while not having any clue what it was doing to our men. Why are they angry? Well I strongly suspect that much of is the expression of depression and/or PTSD like manifestation of symptoms related to involvement with family courts, child support agencies, neglect in the education system, huge funding disparities in mens health, anti-male policies where securing educational loans is continent upon their willinness to sign up for potential military conscription. The anti-male bashing permeated the publics consciousness and we all have been lulled into apathy regardin the struggles of men. ANd interestingly enough in our community it wasw us black and brown women that collaborated with the “too big to fail” domestic violence industry, child support agencies and family courts to “attack” our men while perpetraing the myth that we were victims of their ill intent. I know why they are angry. For the same reason that I have had to channel my anger and frustration into advocacy for men. Because as I have shared before in 2007, my nephew (19 at the time) committed suicide after a woman 7 years his senior admitted to pregnancy entrapment (contraception tampering) He was to attend college in the Fall but instead was served with CS orders. After two years of depression his suicide note read… “I cannot believe this has happened. Some days are better than others, but I have decided that I would rather die than to continue to support – - – – . My entire life has been turned upside down and I pray that God receives me with understanding”. The pendulum has swung too far and men need a safe place to be able to speak it, scream it, whatever needs to be done to work through it without bein ridiculed for it! Im not personally offended because while I may not agree with everything said I understand.

  17. ummm yeah says:

    Most of you on this thread are missing the point. You don’t build by destroying. The whole concept of ‘dirty little secrets’ is idiocy. It reminds me of something a tabloid would do “did you see Oprah is really a man” stupidity.

    Men build. This does not build. The concept of exposure is ridiculous in this fashion. Women do have problems. Black women have problems. DUHHHHHHHH.

    But the fact is that men don’t put women ON BLAST. Not really men. Men nurture, guide and protect. Does this article really do that? Or is it that the author is masturbating to his own writing and attempting to be a man when he is really being a beta male.

    Then to conclude the article by saying “i love women, kids, community whatever” yada yada. After writing an article like this that is the same as an abuser punching his woman in the mouth and saying, “but baby, I do this because I love you”.

    Cats who cosign on this kind of nonsense are equally beta male at their core.

    There is a way to correct while simultaneously protect. This article is an attack. We don’t win as community by attacking each other (just by nature of the title of this article you can see it is an attack”. We don’t build community by throwing each other under the bus.

    Finally, we are not men if we can’t show true love, which is rooted in protection, compassionate correction, and building our people up.

  18. I completely understand the author’s sentiment. This type of candid convo is despeaely needed in the Af-Am community. The website BLKSvsNGGRS.com directs the discussion towards the subculture that is decimating our community.

  19. I think this article is a good one, in the sense that it tells the other side of the coin. It does take two to tango. It does take two people to have sex before marriage, to not use protection that could prevent pregnancy. I agree with Brother James, you don’t hear many articles that talk about the other side of the coin. A lot of these problems come from the mental effects of slavery and following behind people who have a totally different way of thinking then we do. It’s time we start to think for ourselves. It’s time to come together in order to solve our relationship issues and all the other issues in our community. It’s time for Black Unity.

    Black Unity means financial independence and happiness

  20. natalie says:

    Part of the problem is that we have socially constructed ideas of “manliness” defined not for empowering men to be the best they can be for them but by the definition that benefits us. (We often adjust the definitiin according to what our need is at the momentt) the social contract has been broken as feminism facilitated the evolving role of women while mainating the expectation that the men would be confined to their same role.. there is no more balance amd we continue to shame men with terms like man up when they dont comply with the mixed messages we have been semding them.. for instance a woman may use a man to exact violent aggression towards a nother man in defense of her “honor” (even if she is being dishonotable) same woman will condemn his violent. Perpetration of aggression towards her if she initiates physical aggression against him (e.g. a man should never hit a woman). how about no one should ever put their hands on anyonee? No we find ways to justify some violence and agressiin while condemning others..the complexity of the current gender divide and conflict between man and woman and child demand a more nuanced discussiin than the same tired antiquated simplistic male accountability focused discussiins weve been having in our community for the past forty years. U sorry bout typos …tyong on these smart phones are a challenge.. thanks king james for this

  21. natalie says:

    It needed to be said! No one was arguing that we as black women were “whiny” or being counterproductive as we joined in the “pile on” of men for forty years.. we swalled feminist indoctrination hook line and sinker and it has cost our community the most…i will post at greater length later but all i can say is it is im glad men are finding their voices! Instead of always minimizing mens legitimate hurts and pains because of disagreement about how it is communicated its time we try and understand.. its like ive said before..after yeats of working in community mental health ive come to realize that we shifted to a paradigm that emphasizes male acoountabiliy while extending them little compassion, it is ruthless and it is respecting men on some level but not loving them. For women we extend limitless compassion while not being consistent in emphasizing accountability, it is infantilizing and it is showing us love but not respecting us to jold us to a different standard of accountability than men.. and the fallout is what i have blogged about for five years now, the idea that a community that despises its men run the risk of creating despicable men..society has reduced our men to the sum of their “doings” instead of value in their being..and we wonder why? I cannot understand for example the way that we continue to focus on a post birth model of responsibility/accountability and condom ise as THE method of pregnancy preventin and family planning.. we do this because it abdicates us compleye responsibility given the complete rights to not be forced into motherhood in a post roe v wade world.. if we focused on pre conception irresponsibility with our access to patches pills foam female condoms shots iuds morning after termination adoptiin safe haven laws etc, we would be directly implicated for being irresponsible and not engaging in the family planning and pregnancy prevention that prevents children from being brought into the world under these circumstances.. but no we pivoted towards full acceptance of the babymomma culture laying blame at the feet of black while we watched 4 in 10 illegitimacy increase to almost 8 in ten. All the talk of womens liberatiin independence and an ability make our own “grown folk” type decisiins while maintaing the idea of ourselves as victims of mens ill intent is getting old and iys unfortunate that we will be the last community to realize that the conversations are changing regatding the paradigm i mentioned earlier..great article in that for too long you have been shamed into silence about your pains and struggle! I may not have communicated it the way uou did but I understand! Smile.. appreciate your honesty. We cant let the same like minded idealogues continue to dominate the discourse or miss valuable pieces of the honesty needed to heal..

  22. Umm Yeah says:

    I don’t understand the value of this post. It doesn’t help us win. I doesn’t help edify and it isn’t manly. It kind of makes your look like a crying little pussy.

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