Why Black Men Don’t Go To Church… : ThyBlackMan

Wednesday, September 26, 2018

Why Black Men Don’t Go To Church…

December 16, 2011 by  
Filed under Brother Talk, Christian Talk, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) It’s time for some real talk. I gotta warn you: if you’re a Christian or a pastor, you may find my words offensive. That’s not my concern. I’m just honest enough to keep things real with you.

I want to address a few of the reasons why I believe more black men don’t attend church. If we really want to be honest about it, most brothers outright reject church and Christianity. And I think I know why… The following are in no particular order. I’m trying to keep this posting as conversational as possible. So lets get right to it…

1. There are way too many gays in leadership roles in black churches!

Yeah I know…the nasty emails and messages will pour in behind this one. But truth often stings when it first bites you. Go to any black church on any particular Sunday morning, and you’re almost guaranteed to see a choir  director or minister of music standing before the congregation who seems to walk a bit too lightly in his shoes. And God forbid if you go to a church musical! You can watch the skinny pant-wearers coming in posse deep.

And shame on you pastors out there reading this, who willingly put obviously gay men in visible leadership roles in the church! Where are your leadership skills?! What kind of example are you setting for the youth in your midst, whose souls you are supposed to be watching over? Don’t you know that effeminacy breeds more effeminacy? And some pastors have the audacity to put gays in charge of the youth ministry! Its no wonder we constantly hear about gay adult male predators molesting little church boys. Some of you pastors will pay for this with your own souls.

Understand this: NO real man will come to your church if it’s populated by a bunch of wimps and sissies! As a pastor if your church is heavily attended by gay men, maybe you need to check yourself. Why are the gays so attracted to YOUR church? Maybe you want to take a closer look at that and get a little more honest with yourself.

From what I read about Jesus, he surrounded himself with manly men. They were gruff fishermen, dock workers, carpenters, tax collectors, revolutionaries. They were men who weren’t afraid to draw the sword and commence to cutting off ears when the time called for it. These are the kinds of men who were attracted to the ministry of Jesus; and he to them. So why such a dramatic change for us today? It may be offensive to say this but it is what it is…

2. Men need discipline, not hugs and emotion.

 What do the black muslims, the military, sports coaches and prison all have in common? Answer: they know what it takes to discipline your sons and turn them into men.They know how to take young men who the world says are hopeless thugs and the scum of the earth, and turn them into unified productive members of a community.

You’ll never see a drill sergeant hugging a new recruit and telling him, “Son, do you know how much you are loved“? But what you will hear one say is something like: “Move your god-blankety-blank-blank over there and give me 100 blankin’ push-ups”! And you know what’s crazy? By the time the drill sergeant has finished training the new recruit, that young man will willingly charge a bunker filled with hostiles, bullets flying in his face and even give up his life for his newfound military family.

When I visit churches nowadays, its evident the focus of most pastors and their ministry is on young single black women with kids. And by young I mean early 20’s to mid 40’s. Most of the preaching is designed to appeal to the female’s sensibilities. “Are you hurting, and feel like you need Jesus to wrap his arms around you?” Too many feel good, gummy-bear messages designed to make people feel good. I’m sorry, but messages like these only turn men away from Jesus.

Men want to be taught. Appeal to our sense of logic and level-headed thinking. Don’t just put on a bunch of happy music and expect the men present to dance their way down to the altar. The only men you’ll be seeing are the ones in the skinny jeans and tight teeshirts.

When was the last time besides Father’s Day you even heard your pastor speak a pro-masculine message? Don’t think too hard… I don’t want you popping a blood vessel! Too many pastors are too busy preaching messages to please their majority female audiences. They’ve become teachers of those with itching ears, preaching false hope of positivity and ‘all will be fine as long as you pay your tithes’, instead of giving those same women the truth that they need. Again: shame on you pastors! I’ve never seen such a bunch of weak-kneed spineless wimps in clergy collars as I see today!

What’s needed is good solid biblically-based teaching. Teach the people how to discipline their lives by the teachings of Jesus Christ. Stop making Jesus out to be some soft pushover and show him to be the strong masculine figure that he truly is! Men need discipline, not a bunch of soft music playing on the organ while the pastor makes an emotional appeal for us to ‘Come to Jesus’. A real dude may walk the aisle and come forward; but what will keep him in the church after that one prayer at the altar? Only solid instruction and discipline will. He needs to be taught how to discipline his life by a new world view and new principles. And I’m sorry to say, but the way most black churches conduct their styles of ministry, this will NEVER happen. Hence why churches are filled with women and kids.

3. Too much emphasis on tithes and offerings.

Let’s keep it 100: if a man smells a scam, you ain’t getting his money! And if he’s married, you ain’t getting his wife’s money either!

Today’s churches have become maniacal about money. I recently watched a minister on tv spend 30 minutes convincing people that Jesus had a house. Who gives a cookie crisp?! But it was an attempt to convince people to focus on the idea of giving money to the minister to get money back from God.

Understand that when you mention things like: Sowing your seed, a financial harvest, money cometh, and other such popular phrases, you immediately push smart, rational thinking men away. He smells a scam. It’s the punchline he’s been waiting for. “Aha“, he declares. “I knew there was an angle!” You’re not getting a man’s money without first getting his heart. And you’ll never get his heart if you focus too much on his wallet. The best way to get a man’s heart is to be the kind of leader he’ll willingly follow. Then if you ask for 10% of his income to finance church projects, he’ll have no problem doing so.

These are just a few of the many other things I’ve observed over the years: things that seem to keep more real men away from the church. There will definitely be a part 2 in the near future.
Staff Writer; Mack Major ||




66 Responses to “Why Black Men Don’t Go To Church…”
  1. Jason says:

    “I am an atheist and very a very proud and happy at that. More Black men and women are joining our ranks. Most of them,like me, used to be believers. I’ll be more than happy to catch the ones who slip through the cracks.”

  2. Cassandra Mcknight says:

    You are wrong. Your message is totally wrong. The church is for religion not making boys to men. That’s his father’s job.

  3. Jay Henry says:

    Jdgwisd I understand what you are trying to say and respect your view. The bible teaches us these things that I mention in my previous post. It’s not for me to debate the scriptures because they are already laid out. The Word of God is there for our instruction. We as believers can’t pick and choose which parts we want to follow and when. The issue remains that we as men (more importantly black men) have a tremendous responsibility and not all of us are doing our part. God has put a mandate on men to be the head. That’s why Adam was created first. All of the issues in the article are valid and true but we have a responsibility to correct them as men of God. We have to take our rightful place and keep all of God’s commandments to the best of our ability not just the ones that are the easiest. Appreciate the feedback. God bless.

  4. jdgwisd says:

    Jay, I have to respectfully disagree with you on two fronts: The “tithing” component of religious worship as well as the aspect of commanding one to church. Please let me qualify what I’m about to say by saying I understand there are people in our society who are deeply spiritual, but not religious. And there are the deeply (churchgoers), but not necessarily spiritual. I don’t usually discuss faith, but it just goes to show you how some people can be misguided in their viewpoint. If you read Chapter 2 and 3 of Malachi, it was Malachi’s intent for the PRIESTS to make the tithes available to the people, since they were abusing their authority to become wealthy at the people’s expense. Not for the people to solely give. As for attending church……..The 70th saying of the Gospel of Thomas encourages us to look within for our salvation: Jesus said “If you give rise to what is in you, what is in you will save you. If you don’t give rise to what is in you, what is not within you will destroy you.” The black Christian church was an institution that allowed many generations the ability to stand as human beings in a society geared towards dehumanizing them. In the present generation, the church has become an fossilized institution that condones many things that past generations found offensive. It is with little wonder there are those like brother Mack who are calling things as they see them. You may not like what he says, but he is right in expressing his viewpoint. Mack is wrong in thinking this institution can change. Like the priests in Malachi, the convicts have convinced the inmates that they are the last word in God’s Kingdom.

  5. Jay Henry says:

    Black men don’t go to church because they don’t understand their purpose. Church has nothing to do with anyone else. It is for the individual to deal with their issues through the teachings of Jesus Christ. So when you refer to gays remember How Jesus dealt with sinners. The bible teaches us to love. This is the most important commandment in the bible as Jesus teaches us in Matthew 22:37-40. The bible teaches us why we should tithe. It has nothing to do with the preacher. The church is sustained by the tithes and offerings. The church has bills. The bible clearly commands us to tithe Malachi 3:10. There is a mandate on each and everyone of us from God to come to church. The bible commands us to come to church Hebrews 10:25. You have a platform to reach many people and possibly change lives. Please use it to build up the house of God not tear it down. If you are going to post an article about the church please use scripture to support YOUR view. The bible clearly contradicts every thing that you are saying in how WE should conduct OURSELVES as Christians.

  6. Deeann D. Mathews says:

    I suppose I am forever going to be a contrarian…

    Black men DO go to church! Two things have to be immediately added, though:

    1. They go to churches where there is more going on than just Sunday Morning standard

    2. They go to churches where the Biblical definition of the Church — big C — is understood and equipped for, where Church is understood as what you carry with you when you handle your business outside of the building.

    I have recently observed something every interesting; a church that has a strong something-or-other during the week (or, a strong Sunday School) will have men who attend that, and then, given enough time, may trickle back into Sunday morning service. It is amazing the number of Christian men I run into who either attend faithfully on the margins — that is, they may not do Sunday morning but you’ll find them in services and activities timed right to eliminate most of the drama-starters — or, after some time of being fortified on those margins, then slowly begin showing up on Sunday morning standard. And then there is no counting the number of Christian men who do Sunday morning standard but wouldn’t if they weren’t also sustained by the extra occasions. Nor are these men confined to one building; I find them doing the same thing I do: getting out into other buildings where REAL church is going on at times when the folks who are coming for drama won’t sacrifice to attend.

    I also observe: in a local church where there is strong teaching about what being in the Church — big C, Biblical definition — means in terms of the character of one’s daily walk, one will find men and their families attending at whatever time that teaching is going on. There are a few Black churches in San Francisco that, in spite of the demographic challenges in terms of Black people leaving the city, are still attracting two-parent (or two-grandparent) families with children for that reason, and if that is happening in San Francisco, it is probably going on elsewhere as well. It is never going to get air time, as these churches tend not to be big-shot churches, but it IS happening.

    Black men DO go to church… but they don’t do drama when they can avoid it. I was talking last night with a young Christian brotha who was quizzing me about a multi-church ministry that goes on year after year in these parts run by some STRONG brothas who are deacons and laymen. He has noticed the way I talk about the excellence of the ministry, and the standards the brothas maintain for participation … now he wants to check it out. My suspicion is that there are a large number of Christian Black men who want to have some REAL church, and they are not finding it on Sunday at 11. But they are looking, and they are finding. “Seek and ye shall find,” the Lord promised, and He keeps His promises to His people. He is not hampered by the messes that are going on in some Sunday at 11 situations, and neither are the Christian brothas.

  7. Stephanie 9'Daniel says:

    Hope I can comment since I am a female.

    I find the entire issue of going to church in the black community .. quite frankly stupid. For one, its an issue brought forth from slavery and black movies always begin or end in church as if it solves the problem being portrayed in the movie. Movies with black cast members always give the impression that all the members in the movie, the cast will resolve their problems after going to church. Why can’t you see a good movie with a black without church being added as the only resolve? And, why do black people ask in forums and on tv talk shows why black men and women do not go to church as if it is something that you HAVE to, supposed to do or is a pre-requisite for happiness. For once, I would like to see a movie with a black cast that is not centered on church or, does not show only law abiding black people sitting in church, nodding their heads in agreement and shouting amen. I do not go to church but I live a moral life. I believe in the devine and I pray in private and I do not need to go to church to be respectable, moral, have values or ethics. There are millions who go to church every single Sunday and are black stabbing, mean, unethical, immoralc cheating and lying individuals. A lot of women go to church to socialize because they use it for gossip and to dress up. I truly hate hearing people asking “how come black men are not attending church as if they are suppose to. Doing right or wrong is a choice and you don’t need the preacher to tell you that. People who go are not any better than those who don’t and I wish that producers making movies with black cast members would stop focusing on a chuch theme in the movies giving audiences the impression that all the problems will be resolved if they went to church. Frankly, I find it to be a very negative stereotype about black people in general. To me, it never came across as positive relating to the black commmunity. I watch movies all the time and I do not see any other race blaming the problems on a lack of religion. I was noot raised to feel that going to church is something that I had to do to be an upstanding citizen. Or, if you don’t go you are lost, dealing and using drugs, robbing people, etc. I watch Joel Osteen on Sunday’s because his sermons are more in tune with every day issues that touch all people in every walk of life. But sitting in church every Sunday, waving my hand up toward the ceiling, shouting amen and shaking my head up and down is not doing anything. I would like to see a movie or a play with African Americans who solve their problems without the aid of church.

  8. Dw says:

    This article is so true, n to think when i was contemplating on a divorce from my now ex wife, all i heard the pastor doing was just talking so highly of the women and downing the men. I was like what about men who are married to ungrateful women that use and take them for advantage? It totally turned me off from continue going to church. Plus, the countless of churches i see in the community, the black community i always ask myself what do these churches who take people money each and every Sunday do to contribute towards the community they take money from? They are no different than these Arab own corner shops in black communities in urban areas. Take the peoples money and don’t contribute lick back. They don’t offer no programs for the youth outside of the church, or create opportunities such as jobs for the men. Don’t even talk about bringing self awareness towards the women and encouraging self respect and taking responsibility for one action. All they do is just give fairy tale stories and don’t hold non of the trifling members behaviors in check. It is the women they feed too because it is the women that are the only ones paying their bills. So who pays the church bills gets the most attention. The black church today is a joke.

  9. Ramses says:

    They get it, they just want you to get with the program….is the preacher nowadays any different than the dude in the hood selling drugs, luring females with his status to get in their drawls? But I don’t feel sorry for either one because these chicks know what they do. Always making demands on men, bu when men do the same (like actually treat the temple like a serious place of worship) instead of a whorehouse, then something’s wrong with you. Black churches are entertainment. Pure and simple. They are literally like most of Tyler perry’s productions. These chicks are going nowhere fast. like I said on another article on here, churches should release the numbers from their churches in terms of their rates of marriage amongst their parishioners. To me this shows how good or bad the church environment is. If your church is not able to bring women and men together in that capacity it means to me you’re not teaching at all. The church institution has been running game for a lot of people for long time and the black church is no different. The same black church who kept blacks from rebelling during slavery would never want a Nat Turner in the flock because it would mess up their crumbs from massa. This institution has no credibility with me and the women in it either. When I was going to church as a youngster the women were much more regal and respectable than nowadays. They dressed classy and didn’t have they ass all out either. They sit in the front row legs wide open for preachers giving them the cue that polluted womb is for him. And then in this age, after he stops running through them, this same chick tries to embarrass him on twitter or facebook!!! lol…losers bruh and it’s all on them. Then be the first one to scream “Lord Jesus”!!!! lol

  10. Mack says:

    @ Ramses: Whats sad is that the church is full of women…some estimates say as high as 90% for most black churches…yet they can’t read whats going on around them to realize somethings terribly wrong. Why no brothers? And why what few brothers are present happen to be two snaps away from a trip over the rainbow? WHY ARE THERE SO FEW REAL MEN PRESENT???

    I would be skeptical of any movement of any kind, especially a spiritual one, where few men were present. It smacks of a scam. Everyone knows you can’t have a serious movement of any kind without the support of men. Hell, even the women’s lib movement was basically planned by men from the CIA to destabilize the American family. But that’s a different topic for another day.

    Think about it: what other type of venues are heavy with the ladies but light on men attending? Fashion shows, hair salons, nail shops, bullcrap fiction reading clubs. But you’ll notice these venues all have a strong GAY male presence. See a pattern here…?

    But you know why these ladies see nothing wrong with the huge disparity in church attendance? Because they really believe black men are just too bad, wicked and evil to attend. They are those same Extra-Average Baggage-Laden Females I spoke about elsewhere that think this way. Instead of realizing that men simply recongnize game and refuse to participate, sisters think THEY know more than WE do. So they make church going a requirement for a husband; not chastity, integrity, masculinity and honor. Church attendance.

    I’ve been to churches where the pastor actually told the majority female audience to leave their man if he doesn’t come to church! Imagine that!!! This dude tells you to leave your man, provider, confidant, protector, father of your kids, and for what reason? Because he doesn’t attend a female bridge club wrapped up in spiritual garb?! This is the hogwash that keeps real men far away from churches and so-called ‘saved’ black women. And they just don’t get it…

  11. Ramses says:

    right on @ mack about the chick banging toe preacher….nothing but a sexual doormat…i’m not even mad at the preachers necessarily because by them screwing them, they prove how worthless most of these chicks are….i’ll be damn if my woman shows more devotion to a so-called man in church over me, the one who’s at her home with her….like i said, most of these chicks damaged goods….dead flowers can’t be brought back to life…..we project onto these chicks positive notions because they tend to be physically attractive but it doesn’t apply because when their behavior gets revealed, we realize that they are church-going hoes….I got more respect for the woman on the corner because at least she’s an honest hoe…the one in church is he biggest devil because she smiles in your face while the whole time getting bounced around like it’s pinball at the arcade. and then has the gall to demand marriage…how psychotic

  12. Ramses says:

    when the leaders in your community are preachers (pimps) then you have a serious problem. and you definitely have a problem when our women idolize these figures as well….women in church are like groupies in concerts on these preachers…..waiting to let them bend them over….i’d rather go to a white church than a black one….damn all that hollering, amazing grace, negor spiritual shit….too much coon behavior for me….there’s only entertainment and not teaching….i would love for these churches be forced to release their rates of marriage in their churches….this to me would show whether this environment was good or not….if it’s not bringing men and women together then it’s not successful

  13. Mack says:

    @ Sankofa: Speaking of the gash man…

    I recently had a conversation with a young lady who is a ‘devout’ churchgoer. She shared her ‘dirty little secret’ with me: about how her and the pastor, who is single, had an ongoing sexual affair… for 7 years!

    Now check the mindset here: this chick has been content to be the pastor’s sperm bank for seven years; no ring, no commitment, no promise of a future together. He would tell her things like “Its okay. God will forgive us.” And even though she had a bible and could clearly read, she went along with it.

    She hears from another female in the church that the pastor been ‘laying hands’ on her too. So she gets angry, finally decides to conduct a little research, just to discover this dude been banging at least 25 different women in the SAME church! No condoms, no protection. And these weren’t all young chicks. According to her, some were well into their 30’s and 40’s. Amazing at the level of self-deception it took for these women to all agree to be this dude’s other chick.

    But whenever we hear about the spreading of AIDS in the black community, everyone attempts to focus on the man, when its clear that black women are equally if not the greater culprits. Sisters be slinging coochy around like its going out of style. There’s another post on here somewhere talking about some pastor passing HIV around the church. But that can only happen if women are willing to open their legs to catch what he’s passing.

    I go hard against the sisters and these weak kneed preachers because it takes one to make the other relevent. If there were no silly women projecting their fantasies onto pimping pastors, these degenerates wouldn’t have a pulpit to stand in. They would basically find a less harmful scam to run on folks, or simply square up and do the right thing and be a real true to the game preacher.

    Too much false flagging going on in the church.


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