Dealing With The Ex…
(ThyBlackMan.com) Everyone has a story about an ex. Whether it’s a year-long stalker tale that landed you both in the hospital, or a new found friendship that grew stronger. Dealing with ex’s can not only affect your past relationships with them, but it can also effect current and future relationships.
Can you be friends with an ex?
This is an age old question that has an answer only each individual can give. Of course you can be friends with an ex, but when you’ve shared love, lust, and personal interaction, continuing a traditional friendship can be difficult.
If you’re really being straight with yourself, take some inventory: “Are those old feelings really gone, or are they lying dormant for a while, ready to burst into flames if stirred?”
If you think there is a possibility that the old flame still burns, then another question arises — “Have you reconsidered your current situation?”
Difficult questions. Yes.
Will there be even more difficult problems to contend with if you don’t answer those questions? Definitely.
However, there are many occasions when love is lost and the ex is someone who will only be an innocent friend. Perfectly healthy friendships can come as a result of two persons deciding that the romance road wasn’t the one they should take. Many people often wish success for their ex’s, hoping they will find persons who better fit their personality or preferences.
What about my current mate?
Another age old question, and one that has generated a lot of problems for many couples.
What you absolutely cannot do, is demand that your mate severe ties with ex’s. She shouldn’t ask the same of you either. Of course, this is recommended and expected only if the ex was good for your mate, and wasn’t the cause of undue heartache. It is unlikely that she will want to remain friends with someone who brought emptiness to her life.
While it is considered good relationship practice to tone down friendships with persons of the opposite sex, totally ignoring friends or ex’s, isn’t always necessary. This is especially true when both parties had good intentions and things just didn’t work out.
Furthermore, your current partner always comes first. This is not something you should have to be told. Many hurt feelings can arise if the time you spend with your ex, or chatting with your ex, exceeds the amount of time you spend with your current mate.
What about jealousy?
Ultimately, each relationship is different. While women aren’t totally comfortable with their mates having numerous female friends, they’ve learned to accept it (that is, if their mate is only friends with the ex).
Men, however, are totally the opposite. Guys usually see an uninterrupted friendship with an ex as a territorial issue. For good measure, think about this: If your current mate has an ex who didn’t misuse, abuse, or disrespect her, and who currently keeps to himself, you have no worries.
Any man with good self-esteem should be able to understand that an ex is simply an ex. If you have problems recognizing this, try to lighten up and trust your mate. In other words, it’s not the ex you should be worried about if there are trust issues in your relationship.
The ex question can be tricky, so you’ll have to play it by ear. If at any time there are questions or doubts from your current mate, be sure to put her first. No innocent friendship should have to be severed when you enter a relationship, but those friendships also shouldn’t disrupt your current love.
Written By MyBrothaShare