(ThyBlackMan.com) Accountability in every relationship and individually is very important. There can be no growth without it, and in its absence relationships fall apart. There is strife in this country, within ethnicities, in our communities, in our churches, and in our families due to a lack of accountability. Everyone wants to call out the next person without taking any heed to themselves. We say we have forgiven but hold grudges, we say others should work hard but aren’t honest about situations, and we pick and choose who gets grace and who does not. All of this works against accountability, and instead of aiding one in growth it can give one outs because the person talking is unaccountable and a hypocrite.
Stereotypes exist in every space and they are damaging. It is difficult to see our people stereotype each other knowing that we face it on a larger scale from others. Stereotypes ought not be used to hold someone accountable because it speaks against the character of the person trying to hold one to account. This is difficult to digest for some because they won’t like that they can’t just call someone a thug, or fast, or angry, or violent or ungodly as a way to hold them accountable in areas where growth is needed. All of those things have an origin and none of that addresses the issue. We need to take a long look in the mirror regarding how we hold people in our life accountable.
The first thing one should do is look at themselves honestly. If you know you battle with anger, unforgiveness, or have been given help to get on your feet then you must take these things into consideration before you come for another. Far too often, especially with young people, they are stereotyped and labeled by others who should be willing to help them. Yes, I’m talking about families that look down on their members that don’t have it together. Being condescending and labeling these loved ones is not holding them accountable. It’s not teaching them how to own themselves, and their situations so that growth can begin. Far too often we are not willing to be honest about what happened to these family members. In the attempt to protect the “favorites” in the family we won’t hold them accountable for what they have done to those we demand to be accountable. This is a touchy topic for too many so there is no accountability across the board. Those spiraling are unwilling to hear because they know how they are seen, and they begin to recognize they are alone.
Family elders must stop stereotyping their younger family members. Too many elders need a come to Jesus with themselves, and because they can better hide their lack of accountability, they think it’s unseen. Too many lean on deference and respect feeling that no one should speak to them a certain way. The truth is if you are honest with an elder in a respectful tone, they will then deem you disrespectful simply because the truth is told. Far too often this turns into a shouting match, and the younger member is given more negative labels and ungodly might be one of them. These family members can be lost because they will understand there is a lack of accountability, and hypocrisy. They may choose to come around less or not at all. Unfortunately, there are times whereby this is also the troubled family member. They could end up losing their life because of how they were seen so they were never loved properly. And we all know the funeral is going to be a re-writing of history about how they were so loved. It’s tragic.
The younger generations must be mindful of this very same thing. Too many of us give no grace but demand it. The elders of the family are human beings and imperfect. If they humble themselves and teach the lessons through transparency that is a blessing. We ought not to label them and use that information to tear them down, or as a reason not to heed their warning. Many of them have seen things they pray we never do, blowing them off with labels that are not justified to avoid accountability doesn’t help us grow and become better.
The bottom line is labels and stereotypes have no place in the discussion of accountability nor responsibility. When this happens relationships and communities shatter as hypocrisy surfaces in an ugly way. We must see accountability, and address it, though the lens of love, care, and honesty. More of our loved ones would be saved if we just took the time to check self then address others with healing as the goal.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
