(ThyBlackMan.com) Giving honor and respect to those that sow into our lives is very important. However, boundaries are also important. Having a grasp on one’s truth and reality is vital as it plays a role in how much control we give others over our life. This could also affect how others interact with us, or not. Where you attend church is a very important decision. Spiritual leadership plays an important role in one’s spiritual development. What we learn has a great effect on how we live and how we approach our faith. This is also a go to when dealing with the challenges of life, especially when those challenges involve other people. The relationship between a believer and their church…and a believer and their spiritual leadership can be profound to the development of the individual, family, and community. The problem enters when leadership is given the leadership positions, or Head position, that is meant for others.
It is unfortunate but there are some that have placed their pastor over God, self, parents, and even one’s spouse. There is way by which the church leadership should not be leading your house…or leading your life. Be it consciously or subconsciously too many have begun to treat their pastor like their beloved superstar, or like an idol. This behavior leads one to a dangerous space whereby they can be taken advantage of, they lay down their power, and it can run those you love away.
No one has a perfect pastor, and there is no perfect individual. As a believer you should be able to bank your trust in leadership by studying the Word for yourself and seeing the teaching and the text line up. Too many of us neglect this aspect over time, or we’ve never done it to begin with, and slowly the pastor becomes head or our home and life. Basically, if pastor agree so do I, and if pastor does not agree neither do I. It’s understandable that this can be a very tough revelation to accept when dealing with self, but it’s easy to see it in other places. One can argue that a large majority of racism could be properly addressed and condemned if the pastors in certain pulpits would battle against that evil.
However, as the pastor leads the charge, or is silent as though it will disappear, racist rhetoric continues. Some people are feeling justified because their pastor cosigned. This is very easy to see, and we agree that the believer needs to take responsibility spiritually for their walk. They need to understand their pastor is flawed and not follow a flawed teaching. The question is do you also see it when you place pastor over your spouse? Do you see it when you miss out on things for your kids because you feel you need to be present at everything happening at church because pastor asked for the congregation’s presence if possible…and you heard a request as law? This is important because the affect this will have on the relationships around you matter.
No woman wants to be in a relationship whereby the word of another woman carries more weight than hers with her partner. Many of us will even wage that, if married, the mother of our partner’s council should not sit higher than ours. Imagine if every time you spoke on a matter you heard your husband/partner tell you what the First Lady said. Imagine if they are constantly comparing you to the first lady of the church you all attend. You are constantly giving advice on a matter, but they don’t listen until the first lady says it. Imagine your husband/partner being in the hospital and you are fighting to get them to help themselves…but first lady gives a word, and they start moving.
This would definitely drive a wedge in your relationship, and you would not feel valued in that space in part because your place in the house and relationship has been given to another. This is the same thing some men feel when women make their pastor the head of their life in terms of council and care. This can leave your husband/partner feeling that he isn’t needed and is not valued in his home. The issue is that you have at this point formed an unhealthy emotional attachment to your spiritual leadership that is now bleeding into other aspects of your life. This doesn’t just hinder you spiritually, but your partner as well as its only natural for there to be resentment towards the person that has your attention and ear. It could drive him away from said church and have him questioning God even if its one sided. This gets to the heart of putting those we follow on a pedestal.
No one is accusing you of having a thing for your leadership [though sisters we really do need to have a conversation about wanting to wife up the pastor…out of lust on a different day], but there should be boundaries for everyone in your life. Your pastor can be your spiritual leader at church, but he should not be the head of your home. If you are married, you and your spouse should handle that instead of making your spouse feel as though they take a backseat to someone that will not have to bear the weight of the house should something happen. Having healthy boundaries in our interactions and where we place people in our life helps us navigate life. It is an asset to our spiritual, mental, and physical health while protecting those dearest to us.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.