(ThyBlackMan.com) Very rarely is the end of a relationship solely one persons fault. It can be difficult to look at your mate, when angry, and admit you had a hand in the destruction of your relationship. Far to often if you didn’t cheat nor lie you are innocent, and more importantly you are the injured party. Sisters there are many more offenses that can tank a relationship, and while we defend ourselves in heated verbal battles using words like emotional abuse it seems some of us feel we don’t have to be accountable to the very same measure we require. Its important to understand that any form of hypocrisy, or double standard, when it comes to these matters destroy the equality in a relationship. Rightfully so, we don’t want men telling us how to be women, and how to function…but let’s be honest, we have no problems telling them how to be men and what qualifies as being a man.
Granted, there are men that are narcissistic, selfish, and abusive. When dealing with those monsters it is best to try to get out of that situation for your well-being, and he needs to be accountable for the actions he took that created the negative culture of your relationship. I’m sure we can agree on this…the problem is when must be held to the same standard.
Now that the men have been acknowledge, in our sister space, let’s work to better our part in the relationship. Love requires us to be accountable for our words, and actions. We don’t deserve to be subjected to verbal, and emotional abuse, but then again no one does. When a man is angry, for whatever reason, that doesn’t excuse the words coming out of his mouth; sisters the same rules apply to us. We must realize that if we are working through things like insecurity, and anxiety we must be open about it with our mate.
However, those things are not a license to chastise a man when he doesn’t do or say what we want…the way we want. Honesty is the beginning of change. There is truth in the fact that some of us don’t know when to stop talking. Men and women do not process information the same. If he asks for time to digest an important discussion…give him that time. It is not selfish of him to request it. Insecurity can erode patience, and we need to understand such.
It is difficult to be in a relationship, man or woman, when every single day our partner has something else to have a long drawn out discussion about, as if they are never content. This is hard on the relationship…if you are the cause of a lack of contentment own it so both of you can grow together. If he brings the concern to you it doesn’t make him dismissive, weak, nor uncaring. You don’t want to communicate like you are walking on egg shells, so why should he.
These small differences lead to arguments, and the erosion of a relationship, not necessarily love, that we desire to have. We often feel we are doing everything we can to make our man happy, and no we aren’t perfect, but we try. That may very well be the case…but we must make an effort not to do the very same things to him that tear us down. Being quick to result to abusive language, and narcissistic tendencies is wrong, and its wrong no matter who does it. You are not accountable for the actions of a man. However, if you must stand accountable for you. Often times both sides need to reflect on themselves, in truth, before coming for the other party.
It’s understandable that accountability won’t save every relationship as they can go up in spoke for no other reason then you are not compatible. However, when you stand accountable in your love you can honestly say you did all that you could, and you were fair while doing such.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
