(ThyBlackMan.com) Marriage is a beautiful covenant that brings two people together as one to share a life together. Each person brings a unique individuality to the marriage; they also bring their strengths and weaknesses. Some people believe that God is a very important part of a marriage, while others believe it is an agreement based on the loyalty and boundaries of the individuals involved. Though marriage is beautiful, and there are many benefits, it is also a lot of work. This state requires compromise, patience, self-evaluation, communication, and a lot of forgiveness. There are various deal breakers when it comes to marriage, but one that seems quite common is cheating.
In many cases cheating is seen as the ultimate betrayal of a marriage which for the most part is based on being sexually monogamous with one’s spouse. Far too often spouses are looked down upon as being weak if they are not willing to divorce for cheating or at the very least get into a serious fight about such. Women can be very judgmental of each other in this space. The thing is cheating is not a deal breaker for every marriage, and that can be the case for various reasons.
Some women will not seek immediate divorce for cheating because of their children. Kids can complicate a marriage as it can be difficult to balance the two. Children require a lot of time and energy. Sometimes moms feel as though they lose parts of their identity as a woman which can hinder interaction with the husband. Sometimes they are simply too tired for intimacy or feel alone in the parental space which can cause bottled up resentment. Regardless of the why many will try to work on the marriage so that the children don’t have to come from a broken home. This can be part of the thinking if the woman comes from a broken home.
There are women that love hard so though their heart is broken they want to try to work it out…even if it means they will ever trust their spouse again. Sometimes there is the feeling that this is the best I can do. There is also a fear of life after marriage. It is normal to feel one will be judged or deemed a failure because their marriage didn’t make it. It can be felt even if she’s not at fault in the situation. One can argue it’s these are unhealthy reasons to stay in a marriage, but it is still the choice of said woman. She still ought not be shamed because she decided to stay.
For some cheating isn’t a deal breaker because it requires one to take an introspective look at self. It can be argued that cheating starts on an emotional level in many cases and evolves into a physical manifestation. Some choose to look at self to see if anything was done that could have provoked one’s spouse into the arms of another. This doesn’t excuse the actions of the cheating spouse, but it speaks to the idea that two wrongs don’t make a right. Sometimes spouses can work out their issues, offer forgive the cheating, and come out on the other side of this confusion stronger.
The bottom line is everyone is not going to end their marriage for the initial offense of cheating for an array of reasons. However, regardless of why they chose to preserve the marriage we ought not engage in relationship shaming. Women should support each other or at the very least remain silent when the women in their life face this challenge in their marriage. They already feel vulnerable and attacked; support would be the best course of action. Every cheating situation won’t end in divorce and its okay; it doesn’t mean someone is weak and lacking in the dignity department.
Staff Writer; Christian Starr
May connect with this sister over at Facebook; C. Starr and also Twitter; MrzZeta.
Also via email at; CStarr@ThyBlackMan.com.
