(ThyBlackMan.com) Getting a man is easy, maintaining a relationship on the other hand, well that’s where the work comes in. Many times in relationships we look to our past experience for guidance on how we should act and react in partnerships.
Lately I’ve found myself reflecting on why I think I can use the nonfactor individual (i.e the ex) whose no longer present as an model or format of what to or not do, what to expect or how to love in my current affair. Many times we move forward with the same baggage of pain, frustration and confusion from the past as if we haven’t grown or ascended romantically.
No doubt we should use the lessons learned in our past union to develop and improve ourselves. Each partnership is a journey that creates a space for self awareness, personal responsibility, healing and releasing.
I had a beautiful conversation with my beloved earlier this week and here are a few things I gathered from our exchange.
Men want:
To Feel Sufficient. Every man wants to feel like he’s different from the men you’ve been involved with in the past. That’s the point of new love, right? If you are constantly attracting the same type of men, you are not evolving. Each man wants to feel like an individual. He shouldn’t have to make up for the mistakes other men made in your past, he shouldn’t be subject to tests and games to see how he’ll respond and he certainly shouldn’t be expected to be the voice or authority of “why men…..” in life.
Praise and Approval. In this harsh society where men are always expected to be strong, to be courageous, to disregard their emotions and to kill any bug or animal that doesn’t belong in the house, we often forget that men are human too. They too need praise when they’re doing things right, they need words of encouragement, they need to be reminded that their loved, supported and cherished.
Commitment. They may not show you in the movies or tell you in songs but more men crave commitment more than those who don’t. Most men want to be apart of a successful union, they desire to return home each night to one mate and to have someone with whom they can realize and fulfill their dreams.
A Confident, Self Sufficient Partner. In real life the damsel in distress is desired only by the men who suffer from low self worth or are controlling. When he a man is seeking a partner with whom to create a life and family, he’s going to choose the woman who is confident, who knows how to overcome obstacles in life with dignity, who has her own dreams and who stands in her personal power.
Emotional Intimacy. Say what you mean and mean what you say! Men are logical by nature, they’re not mind readers and often get irritated when they have to figure out what cues women are throwing off. Deal with issues immediately as they come up and communicate with patience. Always refrain from shifting blame, yet be open and transparent with what you are feeling.
Sexual Connection. Many times women reduce the sexual experience to a mere orgasam. While this may hold true for the man who has no long term plans involving you, within a partnership, sexual bliss is a sacred experience that deepens your connection and adds to the quality of communication. Spiritual sex also lowers blood pressure, boosts the immune system and relieves stress levels. Did I mention it’s a form of exercise?
Privacy and Respect. A man wants to know that when he confides in you his secrets will be safe and his weaknesses will be covered. He doesn’t want to hear his family business in the streets. He also wants to be spoken to and interacted with as an equal rather than as your child or even worse, as your pet.
A Woman Whose Godliness Shows Through Her Cleanliness. Having a clean, fresh smelling environment that is filled with love, trust and peace is essential to every successful relationship. This doesn’t mean you must act as a maid, it simply means cleanliness attracts cleanliness and it’s truly easier to keep it clean than it is to clean it up.
Physical Touch. Aside from being sexually aroused, a man needs to be touched in loving and nurturing ways outside the bedroom. Back rubs, holding hands, unexpected hugs and fingertips against the neck let’s him know you’re available and near to offer affection.
Consistency. A man loves a woman who is consistent. He doesn’t want to wonder what mood she’ll be in one he returns home or if an argument will transpire once he opens the door. Shifts in moods happen however you do have the power to effectively communicate what’s going on with you and to seek some alone time if need be.
Space. Having a relationship filled with trust makes it easier to offer space to your partner. Everyone needs time alone to re center, refocus and cleanse themselves. While women may find comfort in opening up to family or close friends, men tend to wonder off to themselves when they need to think. Leave room for him to have a weekend out with the guys, hit the open road or spend the day watching his favorite sports when he desires. There’s something about your man being away for a few that makes his return all the more special.
Staff Writer; Dina Tuff
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Also feel free to drop an email at; DinaT@ThyBlackMan.com.
