(ThyBlackMan.com) I’m going to get right to the point and dispense with the formalities. Toxic people are dead weight in your life. They are like energy vampires who drink, drain and cypher the positive blood from your veins and the positive energy from your heart and mind. You feel tired, frustrated, stressed and/or unfocused after being around them. While they go on to train other people, you are often left unbalanced. But commonly, far too many of you make excuses and keep being around them anyway. Largely because of the type of relationship you have with them. Here is the deep part of all of this.
Sometimes toxic people are drawn to you because of how you feel about yourself on the inside. And they can almost sense that, regardless of what image you project. So this article is about a little self-assessment also. For many people, if they feel like they don’t deserve the good things in life, they connect themselves with toxic people. People who help them sabotage their lives and their potential. And it all seems normal because the people who are gluttons for punishment don’t feel good about themselves anyway. Such activity allows people to make excuses instead of get results and still feel like they are doing something when they really aren’t.
My training in psychology, profiling and communications enables me to spot both toxic people and people who have a low self-image or low self-esteem. But you know who else can spot those people? The toxic energy vampires who drained them. That is how a pimp operates. I remember speaking with a 27-year-old pimp decades ago. He told me something very interesting. He said no matter how the woman looks, what she wears, how much money she makes, where she lives or what she drives, he was able to spot a woman of low self-esteem and turn her into a working girl who would make him a lot of money. I didn’t believe him until one day I saw him with a businesswoman who was in mid-level corporate management. She drove a nice Jaguar and dressed like she just walked out of Saks Fifth Avenue. But she had low self-esteem, a lack of identity and low self-worth.
In another case, a woman who worked for me was absolutely stunning, I mean WOW! And she was a phenomenal woman inside and out, the type of woman who men would have lined up around the corner for. But she couldn’t see that, even though she got a ton of attention. She felt bad about herself. Low self-esteem again. Such was the case with Paula Abdul, Halle Berry, Gabrielle Union and even Jennifer Lopez and Stacey Dash.
When you don’t feel good about yourself guys, no matter how you try to hide that, you send out a negative frequency energy that attracts toxic people. Sometimes it’s just misery loves company. A way of staying around others who complain yet never realize that they are their own solutions. So far too many people live life being a problem to themselves and attracting people who will help them in the process. Sometimes YOU are in your own way and the toxic people around you are helping you put up the roadblocks.
The good news is that toxic lives can turn around. Any of us can stop that self-destructive, self-sabotaging process. So if that’s you, yes you are going to have to drop the deadweight in your life. People who always complain. People who never get results because they sabotage their own efforts. People who take more from you than they contribute to your life. People who tell you that you cannot do what you are trying to do. But really it’s just that they don’t believe they can do it, so they don’t believe you can do it either. How many times have you heard someone say “if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is”? I don’t ever say that about anything. Why not? Because while I don’t just blindly believe something is great until I do further analysis, I do believe that I deserve it. Every bit of it. Some of you need a change of scenery. Some of you need a career change.
Some of you need to get rid of the toxic friends that you have, and you know who they are. They are not only rubbing off on you, they are draining positive energy that you need in order to make things happen in your life. If you cannot drop toxic people completely because of the nature of the relationship, you are going to have to keep them at arm’s length. You are going to have to minimize contact and communication. That means doing this regarding anybody, except a spouse or child who lives with you. Those are unique cases with extenuating circumstances which require unique and complex solutions.
By now you may be saying easier said than done. And I don’t necessarily disagree with you. But regardless, it still has to be done. So talking about how hard it is to accomplish won’t help anything. For many of you, it’s time to clean house, mentally and emotionally. And for some of you, even spiritually because you need to leave that so-called church where you are. Why? Again, because they are taking from you more than they are pouring into you. And you don’t need to be somewhere that feeds you only what you want to hear. You need to be somewhere that challenges you to go higher, be better and keep growing.
A while back I wrote an article on why the minimum wage should not be raised. One of the biggest points in the article was to say that it was a minimum wage, not a career wage. It was never intended to be comfortable and it shouldn’t be. Inadequate wages should push and prod, poke and challenge people to do better and rise higher. Why? Because most are capable of doing all of the above. But if you are looking for someone to hand you a check because they are covertly taking care of you, regardless of how much you make, you are not independent. You are well able to take care of yourself through your job and other means. Don’t count on them, count on you.
There’s so much more that I could tell you, but this article was just to get the wheels turning, to poke you to wake up and do a self-assessment as well as assess those around you. To look at what is not working for you and do something differently. To set goals to go higher because you can if nothing is holding you down. Here is the bottom line. Every person in your life is either an asset or a liability, like it or not. And liabilities need to go.
Finally, whatever you do, make sure that when you look in the mirror, you are not in your own way. Make sure you are not the toxic person who is poisoning yourself. It’s time for a mental, spiritual and emotional detox. So don’t waste time – be thorough and get to it. Because you can’t take flight with the wings that you have been given if you won’t use them to fly. Eagles don’t make excuses. Eagles only fly with eagles. And you can’t fly high with dead weight. Here is to your success.
Staff Writer; Trevo Craw
A Free Thinker, who loves to talk about Politics, etc. Also, all about uplifting the Black Community even if it doesn’t fit your mindset. One may hit me up at; TrevoCraw@ThyBlackMan.com.
