(ThyBlackMan.com) The first ally black women should have is each other. We can identify the issues we face when dealing with white women, and even other women of color. There is a conversation that can be had about our relationship (on various levels) with black men. However, we should be able to come to the table as black women and stand with and for each other. The shade of our skin, hair texture, education, class, or preference should not stand in the way of us seeing ourselves in each other. Today the conversations are being had amongst sisters as we work to find the common ground of support amongst each other. No, black women are not a monolith…but we do face many of the same issues in the country. To be frank we are not a monolith within community, but to the rest of the country and world we are not very different at all. To further the discussion of how to become better allies for each other there are five things, I’m sure there are more, black women must stop doing to each other.
1. Use your mouth to build up verses tear down. Black women know how to empower in a way that is beyond words. You could be in a space whereby you are a bit unstable because you feel isolate, then you see another sister and she simply let you know she sees you and WE got this. That moment can re-define your day. However, too many sisters are using said power to tear each other down. Of course, society wants to see us at each other’s throats…why would we give them the satisfaction. If you aren’t going to use your words to give life at least don’t do harm.
2. There is enough room at the table for all of us. You don’t have to throw a sistah under the bus to get ahead. You don’t have to treat another black woman like she’s your enemy because she exists in a space she’s earned. Work together…reach back and check for the sistah you see working heard to earn her place in the world. Don’t ask others to refrain from destroying you when you would put down another sistah for no justifiable cause.
3. If must be able to accept help, and correction from each other. Shaming exist in our community and it must stop if we are to truly build positive bonds. With that being acknowledge, every situation is not a shame space. We must be able to advise each other, and sometimes respectfully correct each other, based on where we are and the world we live in. There are plenty of things I can do and should be able to do them without harm befalling me, but that’s not the world we live in. We must be able to discuss how to protect self, exist in different spaces, and correct practices that won’t benefit us. A sistah should be able to pull us to the side without being accused of shaming or hating.
4. Yes, the men in our life must be responsible for their loyalty to us. With that being said if we know a sister is in a committed relationship, or she’s married, don’t betray her trust by trying to put hands on her man. This is what enemies do…unfortunately sometimes it’s the sistahs we trust that have betrayed us in kind. Not every man falls for it when approached by “that” friend…but it should never happen.
5. Must stop downplaying the experiences of another sistah because it’s not our own. Black women face challenges in this country be they brown skin, light skin, or ambiguous presenting. Some of our hardships may vary…but there are some challenges that just comes with being a black woman. There is more than enough hurt going around, and we need safe healing spaces. Just because a sistah speaks on something she deals with that you don’t there is no need to try to silence her. We are all in this thing called life and black womanhood together.
In the realm of womanhood, no woman understands a black woman like another black woman. when we work together, we empower each other, uplift our men, and nurture our babies. When we stand together, we can move mountains. Who can come for my sistah if I’m standing with her? The answer should be no one. However, no one can destroy a black woman like another black woman…and that has to stop. We need each other now more than ever.
Staff Writer; Adonicka Michele
