(ThyBlackMan.com) It’s one thing if you have been expecting your wife to tell you she wants a divorce. But it’s quite another if she blindsides you with the announcement — especially if you don’t have any intention of agreeing with her. If the divorce proceedings go forward and you don’t agree, you’re facing a contested divorce, which can be a long and rocky road. According to Boyd Collar Nolen Tuggle & Roddenbery, an Atlanta divorce lawyer firm, “We understand that contested divorces often present our clients with the most stressful period in their lives.” If you’ve found yourself in the unfortunate position of your wife wanting a divorce and you do not, here are some things that you can do to possibly have things work out in your favor.
- Be Your Best Self and Keep Busy
This may feel like a crushing time that makes you want to crawl into bed and never get out. However, that is neither best for you nor how your spouse sees you. Keep up with your appearance, do things to better yourself, try new things. Also, try and keep busy with your normal daily life and routine. Work out, meet up with friends, make the extra time to spend with your children and devote more time to your hobbies and the things that bring you joy. You can ask your spouse to join you, but don’t change your plans or act negatively if she declines.
- Be Respectful of Your Wife and Yourself
This is not the time to cling to drugs, alcohol, the bar scene, distracting yourself with other women through flirting or more. These are not the types of behaviors that will change your wife’s mind about a divorce. Also, don’t go through your spouse’s bills, e-mails, cell phone, mail or other personal property. It is important not to follow or spy on her either. This is a time to regain and build trust, and these actions and behaviors can break trust.
- Get Help
During a time like this, reading books that help with self-improvement is a wonderful idea. Find books that fit your situation and reflect on the principles presented and how they apply to you. Also, this is a wonderful time to see a counselor. It can help you sort through some of your shock and feelings and make huge strides toward being a better partner. Also, remember that your spouse is not in the mood for books about love and marriage right now, so don’t try to push self-help books or therapy onto her if she is not interested. It comes across as begging and even being manipulative. Use this time to work on yourself.
- Control Your Reactions
Even though your spouse’s announcement may come as a shock, do not fly into a rage, fall apart or get vengeful. You also don’t want to mope around in a pathetic state. All of the actions will be very unattractive to your wife. The best thing you can do is work on having the best attitude you can manage, project confidence that you will be okay regardless of if the divorce continues or not and give your wife some space so she can sort out her feelings too.
- Allow Your Spouse to Come to You
It is important to be clear that you do not want this divorce from the beginning and to also communicate that you are ready and very willing to discuss the marriage and problems in it. However, make it clear that how you proceed can be on her timetable. Let her come to you when she is ready to talk. When she does try your best to be a pleasant, engaged and active listener and really try to hear what she is saying.
- Do Not Engage in Arguments
If your wife baits you into an argument or you feel a sore spot of contention coming up in which you will react in an argument, remember that arguments aren’t going to solve problems. Walk away if you have to. Make it clear that you will discuss these issues in a mature civilized manner if you are both capable of that. Be a good listener, a clear communicator and do not engage in bickering.
- Decipher Why Your Wife Wants a Divorce
It is crucial to mention that you should figure out what drove your wife to want a divorce and make the necessary changes. Persuading her to stop divorce proceedings without working on the issues that caused her to want a divorce in the first place will likely land you right back in the same situation down the road. And in case you are abusive, have had an affair or have an addiction to porn, drugs or alcohol, you should seek specialized care and treatment to work on these damaging behaviors before you can even begin to consider a reconciliation.
Staff Writer; Craig Martin