(ThyBlackMan.com) Everyone loves in a different way, and they receive love differently. Love should not be a selfish act, but I guess it has become such these days. It seems like these days we love a person based on who we are and what we need. Each of us have a love language that is unique to who we are, but the person that claims to love us should want to learn it so that they might love us more efficiently. When both parties involved focus on the love needs of the other no one is left out.
In that space a love that’s is beautiful, and strong is created. How do we get to that place when there seems to be more focus on securing the love needs for self? Some may feel there is no wrong way to love someone, but that is definitely not the truth. There is a strong push to promote black love, and it is beautiful, but we can’t get there if the actual love factor is not working. Let’s look at a few ways to address love language which should not be selfish.
1. It is important to remember you are not loving someone solely for yourself. How your partner feels about your interaction with them is very important. Some lovers need more attention, some less. Some love the playful interaction…while others are more reserved. No, you shouldn’t have to be less of who you are, but you want to make sure that you are willing to make room for their love needs. Keep in mind you deserve the very same treatment.
2. We should always try to deal with the baggage or trauma that comes from previous relationships as it can affect our ability to love someone the way they deserve to be loved. Furthermore, this can hinder us from receiving the love we deserve and so greatly need. In this it is important to heal before jumping into another situation. If someone is insecure, and has trust issues, that stem from another relationship this can cause them to hover or be smothering to the person they are with now. It’s unfair to take the stance that they must simply accept that smothering behavior is how you love, and they need to deal with it. In allowing oneself to heal it allows you to know your love language without the smoke screen of baggage from the ex.
3. Remember why you chose to be with your partner. Their love language is a part of who they are…apart of what you fell in love with. They must remember the same regarding you. No one should have to feel as though parts of them must be suppressed for their lover to be happy. Double standards should have no place in this space. One should be willing to give the same attention to individuality in love then expect.
Love languages is something that should be used to better understand our partner. it should not be something that is weaponized, used so that we can cater to self, or used to accommodate the insecurity and hurt in one’s heart. This is something both men and women must be aware of as we continue to elevate black love. Having a “capitalistic” all for self position on love is dangerous as real love is choked out with that kind of energy. We must remember love is not selfish, and neither is the act of such.
Staff Writer; Chelle’ St James
May also connect with this sister via Twitter; ChelleStJames.