(ThyBlackMan.com) Family reunions are a staple in the black community and have been for generations. How come so many people are not showing up to them as they once did in years past? There’s many reasons some have passed away, live in other cities, or some don’t come because there are relatives they don’t want to be bothered with. Family reunions are also the place where people debut new spouses and significant others and can be ground zero for drama and BS. Most of us know that there’s a lot of stuff that can happen at family reunions and we have our reasons for why we have not attended in a number of years. Family reunions are important rituals to the African-American culture. With changing generations it also has incorporated new and more modern traditions that still adhere to the black culture.
It also has erupted a lot of negativity among family members especially those who don’t get along for whatever reason. Some of us want to see family, but then you have to deal with the relatives you would rather not waste time in conversation with. Surviving a black family reunion takes just a small amount of ingenuity and patience.
Avoid relatives who gossip and tell stories about family-It’s one thing to talk, but you have family who are the purveyors of verbal diarrhea and saying stuff about family that may be untrue. Also remind mom and grandma that this is not the place
for them to discuss your recent job loss or break-up and asking around if they know anyone who’s single or who’s hiring for jobs. Only you know when and where you wish to make some parts of your private life known. It’s bad enough when mom and grandma run their mouths about things that they should be best kept to themselves. Gossipmongers tend to embelish and often tell things about about you that may not be true and could get misinterpreted by other family members making them think badly of you as well. Your personal life is not a free for all for family to dive in and share with others.
Keep the racially-influenced relatives at a distance-These relatives are the ones you need to be careful of next to the gossiping relatives. These are the ones who will not stand for interracial dating or marriage and only deals with anything that revolves around black people. These are the same family members who look at you funny because you dated or married someone outside of the black community primarily someone who is white. They have a hang up on whites and won’t leave it alone if they can try to convince you that you’re missing out-meaning dating and marrying a black man or woman.
Keep conversations free of discussing politics and religion-Most of us have our individual views of religion and politics and the family reunion is not the place to have this kind of conversation. Everyone’s political and religious views are different and quite frankly people should respect it whether you agree with it or not. Don’t bring that to the family reunion unless you want the whole day to look like back to back news coverage off CNN. Family reunions are about reconnecting with family not just to have verbal war with that bible beating cousin or aunt or the militant-minded uncle who served in Vietnam.
Don’t let family members make you feel bad about yourself-African-Americans are often seen as judgmental and will at times guilt trip those around them. You’re made to feel bad if you lose your job, you’re in a job that is considered beneath you, or you don’t make a lot of money. Why should anyone have the right to judge you because of your situation. Bottom line is that those relatives who have such a high opinion of you are not the ones paying your bills or supporting you in your every day life. So ignore those relatives who feel the need to degrade you for what you do for a living. If you are paying your own bills and not asking for help some family members need to worry about what’s in their own backyards and less on yours. You’re not at the family reunion to get assessed by your relatives. Sometimes relatives need to respect family members for where they are in their lives. If they don’t like the job they’re working why should it matter to them when the person is paying their bills and supporting themselves. Don’t let a few disgruntled family members spoil your day.
Drink in moderation-Nothing is more embarrassing than a relative who has had one too many and seeing other family members taking pictures and videotaping so they can upload it to the Facebbook and social media pages. Black people at times do not know what appropriate behavior is when at a family function and photographing someone and putting them out there on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram for all the world to see. It’s best to shut it down after a couple because you don’t want relatives photographing you in compromising situations where it could end up online and you won’t have NO idea who took the photo especially if it goes viral. It’s best to limit alcohol intake to no more than two drinks.
Give guests you bring the heads up on your family dynamics-Everyone’s families are different in term of dynamics. It’s best to give your guests the heads up before bringing them to you family reunion so they’re not walking in blindly to your family’s antics that they’re not used to seeing or experiencing.
Attend your family reunion with the purpose of seeing your family and not letting family ruin your day with pointless and trifling behavior. Most of us are well aware of family members who are not exactly ideal characters for appropriate behavior in public. It’s a once a year event and it’s just for a few hours so you can bear to deal with a little nuttiness or whatever for that time. Just be aware of what you share or converse with family with and you will do just fine.
Staff Writer; Nafeesah Abdullah
