(ThyBlackMan.com) Not all divorces end acrimoniously and just because you have both decided that you no longer wish to spend your lives together there is no reason why you can’t part on good terms.
As any law firm like IRB Law LLP for example, will tell you, it makes sense to sort things out properly and get your divorce terms sorted out so that both of you manage to walk away from your marriage and still be on speaking terms.
Define amicable
All of us will probably have sort of different interpretation of what amicable means, especially when using the term in the context of a divorce situation.
A fair percentage of us will probably have a pre-conceived notion that there really is no such thing as an amicable divorce, but despite the fact that plenty of ex-couples are unlikely to be meeting up for coffee on a regular basis after they divorce, an amicable settlement is perfectly feasible and for most people, desirable.
For a divorce to be considered amicable, there are normally several possible scenarios that will have to take place. 
It may be that you both agree to divorce without apportioning any specific blame on each other for the marriage failing.
It could be that you are able to negotiate a mutually acceptable divorce arrangement which you are both happy to agree to and sign.
Or it may be that you are both more than willing to put the needs of your children first and are able to agree a co-parenting arrangement that is beneficial to them and acceptable to you.
The dictionary definition of amicable covers numerous synonyms such as cordial, polite, harmonious and cooperative, so you can see that an amicable divorce settlement could cover any one of these terms, without you necessarily having that much to do with each other, except for parenting arrangements, after your divorce has gone through.
Divorce without blame
The very nature of a divorce situation means that you are not getting on with each other as you used to and therefore it can be all too easy to fall into a bout of mud-slinging and accuse your partner of being responsible for the demise of your marriage.
It is always best to take a step or two back if things are looking like they might get a bit heated during your discussions about divorce. The truth about a lot of marriage break-ups is that you were probably compatible when you first decided to get married but people and interests change over time, so it is perfectly possible that you simply drifted apart from each other.
Many couples lead extremely busy lives and it is often the case that you forget to make time for each other as a couple and before you know it, you no longer have that connection that you once had with each other.
The fundamental point to take on board if you are trying to achieve an amicable divorce is to try and take the view that the time for blame has well and truly passed if you are already in agreement about divorcing, so maybe try and keep your comments or thoughts to yourself if you can.
Making the decision to divorce without apportioning any blame on each other is one of the best ways of giving yourself the chance of divorcing amicably.
Try mediation
Another potential path to reaching an amicable settlement would be to consider the option of choosing to mediate your divorce and agree on the terms of settlement in an environment where mutual respect and a dignified atmosphere is expected.
This would involve appoint a professional divorce mediator, who has the knowledge and skills to be able to negotiate the various aspects of a divorce settlement such as child support and alimony, together with working out how to divide the marital assets and liabilities in a fair way.
This sometimes works well with couples who are happier to outline their requirements and concerns by speaking to a mediator, who can then try and put together a mutually-acceptable plan for separation.
Divorce is stressful and challenging
It may be stating the obvious, but it is always worth reminding yourself that divorce can be extremely stressful and challenging.
This can often cause tempers to fray and things to be said that are later regretted, so you will sometimes have to work hard at staying friendly during the divorce process.
If you can follow some of these guidelines, you stand a better chance of achieving the amicable divorce settlement you both want.
Staff Writer: Mark Murray
