(ThyBlackMan.com) Most of us know the narrative of the deadbeat dad: The man who shows up to make babies, but never comes by to take care of them. Maybe he doesn’t pay child support, doesn’t spend time with his children, or has more babies mamas than the local maternity ward. I get it, we’ve heard it. We know that horrible fathers exist, and that they should be confronted like the terrorists that they are to the black community.
But the untold story is that of the deadbeat mother. She often slips under the radar because the “N*ggers ain’t s**t” rhetoric drowns out the voices of her defenseless children who are suffering under her regime of blatant selfishness and irresponsibility. Like former North Korean Dictator Kim Jong Il, the deadbeat mom reigns supreme over the lives of her kids, seeing them as possessions rather than real human beings. The words “my babies” come out of her mouth like a pimp claiming hookers on the corner, or a farmer talking about a flock of pigs that he keeps in his barn. Her children have become a weapon.
When it comes to the deadbeat mom, the non-existent father never had a chance, as she straps on male G*******a and demands that people send her a Father’s Day card every year. In fact, the father might have been dismissed before the baby shower. Yes, she’s doing it all by herself, but doesn’t know the difference between raising kids and teaching them to be successful, productive and well-balanced human beings. Since her kids don’t complain about the
When I participated in the Fatherhood tour with former NBA player Etan Thomas, I heard stories about fathers who might have been victims of the deadbeat mom. These were men who desperately wanted to see their children, but were blocked at every turn by a Maternal Security Force that had become convinced that she’d created the babies all by herself.
One man told me that he’d been required to pay child support for years, but that the courts wouldn’t even tell him where they were sending the money so he could track down the mother of his child in order to see his son. It appeared that his son’s mother had decided that she wanted access to his money, but was unwilling to share any of the parental power, the way the Democrats convince black people to vote for them so they can go fight for gay rights.
Another person reached out to tell me about a teen girl who’d been sexually assaulted by one of her mother’s boyfriends. As the endless parade of random men were being brought into the household and being asked to babysit, the child’s mother was oblivious to the idea that thousands of children are abused every year by their mother’s boyfriends. When the child mentioned the abuse to her mother, the little girl was punished for lying, and the mother continued to live her life as if everything were just fine. Few stories have ever made me want to use a gun as much as this one.
One of the greatest myths in the on-going conversation about the breakdown of the black family is that every woman is equipped to be a good mom. That’s just flat out wrong, I don’t care how many ABC News specials try to blame everything on black men. The fact that your kids are in your home does not make you a good steward of their future. Not acknowledging the need for strong male role models (preferably the dad) can lead you to raising your boys to remain little boys into adulthood, thus ruining another woman’s husband. You think you did a great job with your son, but notice that 20 years later, he’s a pants-sagging, uneducated, wannabe thug who sits in his mama’s basement playing Xbox all day in order to avoid paying child support. Even worse is that the deadbeat mom loves having her 30-year old son in the house because he has taken over the role of her missing husband.
Most of us know that bad parenting exists across both genders. We also know that bad parenting can be predicated on making really bad choices. The best way for men to overcome a deadbeat mother is to avoid choosing one. The idea that you should place your p*enis into any functioning v@gina attached to a pretty face is one of the easiest ways to end up stressed out because your child is being raised by a stripper.
Family planning should start with simply having a plan. That plan begins with being thoughtful about where you choose to place your seed. Yes, I know that rappers on the radio tell men that they should sleep with every girl who offers to give them what they want, but what rappers don’t tell you is that this is where unwanted babies come from. In fact, the easiest way for a man to spend his life financially devastated is to have a bunch of children out of wedlock. The courts will eat your bank account alive and not feel the least bit sorry for you, just ask fallen NFL star Terrell Owens.
When it comes to mothers, old and young, it’s always important to understand that you didn’t create the baby by yourself. You have a co-parent, and he has the same rights that you do. You may not like his girlfriend, where he lives, what he does for a living or how he disciplines your child, but he is your child’s father. You chose to sleep with him, and thus made a lifetime pact to share parental rights and responsibilities, even if he is not the father you’d like for him to be. Of course there are exceptions, but it seems that we live in an era where people are more likely to discard inconvenient relationships instead of working to improve them.
When I speak to my daughters about men, I tell them that “If a man doesn’t appear to be someone who’d be a good husband or father, don’t even give him your phone number. If you can’t tell just yet, that means you don’t know him well enough to be sleeping with him, and you should certainly keep your distance.” Your children should not be the product of a one night stand where you were seduced out of your clothes by “bad boy swag.” Our kids deserve better than that.
Also, parents should realize that being ADDICTED to your child is not the same as LOVING your child. The “Motherholic addiction” is when you can’t live without your child, need your child nearby and snuggle with your child so your brain can be hit with constant fixes of the neurotransmitter Oxytocin (aka “the love drug”) necessary to keep you from feeling lonely in your life. Loving your child means making difficult sacrifices so your child can have a productive and positive future. It might mean putting up with a dad who differs from you in parenting style, or knowing the difference between being a parent to your child and being a buddy.
To men who find themselves locking horns with a deadbeat mom, I recommend securing your rights in the womb. That means going to court early to set up visitation, and fighting for space in the life of your kids. I also recommend being thoughtful about the women you share your body with. Your child is usually better off if you keep your family together in the first place – I don’t care what anyone else says, children are typically better off with two parents than they are with just one. I speak from personal experience after having a child at the age of 18 and paying a huge price for the next 25 years. We all make mistakes and I’ve surely made a share of my own.
It’s time to modify the story when it comes to the state of the black family in America. The whole idea that black men are ignorant, lazy cavemen who throw their offspring out with the trash is tired, inaccurate and ultimately disrespectful. This certainly doesn’t let men off the hook for the role we play in our personal and collective outcomes. But it does mean that we have to broaden the conversation.
Staff Writer; Dr. Boyce Watkins
Dr. Boyce Watkins is the founder of the Your Black World Coalition. For more information, please visit http://BoyceWatkins.com.
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want proof: this black woman killed her two sons and is claiming she's schizophrenic.....she plead guilty twice to domestic violence after getting in fights with her mother (yes I said mother) and her boyfriend. Black women are the only females who I have heard stories about fighting their own mothers (although some for good reason). Damn if your mother has you fighting her, she has done a poor job. But here's another story of a beastly black woman killing her sons. Like I say "the father that leaves you does less damage than the woman that raises you." You stab your sons to death? Execute this troll
Wow....I'm actually impressed. But I want to interject something into the debate. First and foremost, why do black men have to protect themselves against black women when it comes to their seeds? I mean why should you have to fear a woman who we've been taught is the superman/woman of the black "community?" I thought black women cherished black men. I thought black men were black women's kings. If you are telling black men to protect themselves against black women, then aren't you really saying black women are black men's enemy? Even Bell Biv Devoe said "never trust a big butt and a smile." This is something that black men are being forced to ask themselves: is the black woman more friend or foe? I remember when I watched Roots for the first time in a long time a few years back and Kunta Kinte's woman asked him "why do you keep running away?" And he responded "I know what it's like to be free." She was angry at him for wanting to run away which is psychotic. If your "woman" can't understand why you don't want to be under the rulership of another man, then that is not your woman. This is the black woman's number one problem: she has accepted her enslavement and tries to teach her men and children, especially her boys to accept it as well. However, when she meets a black man who won't accept enslavement, instead of her partnering with him, she throws monkey wrenches in his plan to throw him off his goals. I have heard horror stories, just like the author recounted, about black men being in court and having black women smile with joy as they are given the opportunity to either lock a black man up, or set him free and they most times choose to have him locked up. Whenever you go to court to settle your family affairs, the courts look at you as incompetent (and you are). And that goes for the women.
I told a woman that wasn't getting child support from her ex-husband to not take him to court for child-support. I said "why would you demean yourself and let some complete stranger dictate your family dynamics?" But this is black people. They complain about how much "whitey" runs their lives, yet they run to court to tell on each other all the time (mainly women) to force "massa" to discipline each other. I agree that man should be careful with his seed. However, it's a difference between careful and being in fear. Black men should be in fear of black women when it comes to exchanging their seed for pleasure. Black women have become the new "slavcatcher" because more times than not, she is the culprit behind many black men getting locked up behind their kids. All fathers who don't pay are not in a position to pay. Some want to. But just really can't at that present moment. Locking up these men not only gets you no money, but many times turns fathers off from wanting to be involved in their children's lives forever. Is that really worth it? Vindictive is many black women's middle name and they laugh with their girlfriends how they locked their baby daddy up but never realize (and i doubt they care) the psychological damage they do to their kids long-term. I remember a chick told me years ago she was gonna raise her daughter to never depend on a man. I was like "are you serious?" Many men don't have a clue to how evil these women are until it's too late. Some of these women actually drive these men to kill them for their treachery.If you cats want to bring up slavery so much then let's.
If slavery affected black people so much and disrupted our family structures, then why in 2013 would a black woman use her kids as weapons against her so-called "king?" Of all the things a black woman could do, why would she use family as a weapon against black men? Because she doesn't care about the black "community" like we've been taught. Did Harriet Tubman risk her life to free her fellow blacks, only to see her fellow black women lock her men up years later? What was the point in God freeing black people if their women were gonna be like this? Who would want a mother like most black women? I noticed in 2002 the way white women dealt with their sons and it finally hit me what they were doing. I'm sure many of us have seen young white boys talk to their mothers in a way we would have gotten knocked through a wall for. However, it finally dawned on me that they were not letting them disrespect them per se, but they were given their sons the freedom to rule. White women don't teach their sons to be in fear of women. They teach their sons to be in control of their woman. They don't teach their sons to be in fear of women at all. They will tell their mom to shut up in a minute. Why would any woman raise her son to be in fear of women only to grow up and be worthless? In other families, daughters are raised to serve their brothers food to teach them to serve their men. But black women, instead beat the hell out their sons and then wonder why when their son is 18, he has no confidence and is useless in terms of accomplishing something. Black women are the only women out here who, as a collective, beat their sons. Other groups of women don't beat their sons. The fathers do that. Black women teach their sons to fear other black women when they get older and whenever a man fears woman, he's useless. This is why I can come on a site like this and have my point proven by how many weak dudes come to the defense of sorry women. Too many black men have a "bitch" nature.
It took for Bill O'Reilly to call them out for an honest discussion to take place. Once again, white man has to give the truth on the subject for it to have credence. I've been saying what he said for months and negroes called me every name of the sun. Black women have stunted the growth of their men and women and have singlehandedly set their "community" back at least 100 years, if not longer with their wicked ways. Like the scripture says "they have a stench" about them. How can you abuse the very boys who are supposed to grow up and defend you? Look at how Hamlet's mom drove him crazy due to her being behind his father's death? Many black women are responsible for the death of their sons and men as well whether it's physical or spiritual or economic. What plan could you possibly implement to fix the mindset of black women? They go to church more than any other group of people, yet go against the very rules they claim to live by. Government programs don't help them change. I mean what else can you do to change this? I mean if you approach black women with the mentality "I need to defend myself against her" doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose.
I mean every man should have discernment. But having fear and discernment are two different things. If you want to be guaranteed a day in court behind your seeds black men, put it in a black woman. It's a guarantee you will be standing in front of Pontus Pilate wondering what you did wrong. All the money 50 Cent makes, and he still has all these problems behind his baby mama. Why? Because all the amount of money cannot quell the self-destructive nature of the "STRONG BLACK WOMAN." If your baby daddy is a billionaire, has you living in a nice house with your child and you have nothing to really worry about, why not STFU? We shouldn't even have to see 50 Cent arguing with his baby mama on twitter. Argue for what? Dude has all that money and she still isn't satisfied because he's a free man.
He doesn't need her and is not under her control and the only way that this woman can try to exert any control over him is by taking him to court for child support. Now if 50 cent's baby mama will do this to him, what chance does the average black man have with a black woman? leave em alone fellows
Excellent Article.