Thursday, September 28, 2023

Seeking Validation In All Of The Wrong Places!!

July 30, 2013 by  
Filed under Health, News, Opinion, Weekly Columns

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( Too many times in my walk I’ve observed many people seek to fill the void that they carry inside of them by seeking the validation of others who are the wrong people to seek fulfillment from.

It’s almost like they are on fire from within in an unseen manner and seek relief from the first thing that comes along that shows some promise to being the answer for their pain.

I feel that our upbringing has a lot to do with the voids that we feel and it can be directly traced right back to specific personality forming incidents that will have a life long effect on our psyches and how we deal with every situation that we come across in our lives.

It’s almost as though these incidents “color” how we view the world without us even realizing it.

This is why I believe certain dysfunctions are perpetuated down from generation to generation unscathed and even gain more momentum because they’ve been absorbed and gone unchecked for so very long.SeekingValidation

It’s like that bill that goes unpaid and no one acknowledges, it continues to come back month after month with extra late fees that make it even more of a burden to squash in the end.

There comes a time when someone has to step up to the plate to stop the madness in our lives from within regardless of the original source of the void.

So in our seeking the various validations to sooth our unique brand of emptiness, we oftentimes don’t even check this thing that looks like the answer to our void and dive head on into it with disastrous results in the end.

You’ll have the attention starved young girl who discovers the intoxication of becoming an overnight “star” through the overwhelming amount of views and requests for conversation on her Facebook page. She rolls with it and eventually finds herself pregnant, alone and with a hard story to tell as she now sees the reality for what it is and wonders why she couldn’t see it in the first place.

You’ll see that young man who was always be afraid of the beatings that his cold distant father always gave him for the slightest infractions, yet he grows up to be that same bully who gets a rush from handling everything with his fists and ends up in jail with a long time to think about what drives him.

His penchant for bullying people to whom he has a disagreement with was amplified once he had an audience much the same way his beatings as a child seemed to always transpire at a family function or in public.

Again, we seek validation for our pains, voids and hurts in all of the wrong places.

I see many becoming reactive to the things that drive them to the wrong people and situations in their life rather than being proactive internally to short circuit through meditation and deep thought those things that have them on fire.

Life should not be experienced with a ready made set of dysfunctions thrown on us for us to sift through and banish. This in itself will rob us of the joy that our early experiences will bring because we won’t be able to enjoy them for what they are as our views are already tainted because of our upbringing.

We have got to always ask ourselves WHY do we do the things that we do but many are too afraid to look within and settle for seeking comfort outside of themselves usually in the form of the bottle, wild sex or even diving themselves into a cult-like religion that lacks any real spirituality.

So many years are wasted attempting to unknowingly “cleanse” ourselves of that “thing” that we know that we have on us but just can’t seem to figure out what it may be.

The best solution is to separate oneself for a good long period of time from any excess trivial activity and use that time to go deep within to have a real conversation with oneself being more honest than they’ve ever been.

You have absolutely nothing to be afraid of as the feeling of being free from the painful voids that you’ve walked with for so long will make you wonder why you’ve never had this conversation with yourself long before.

It’s best to conquer those demons on your own than to open yourself to another person who just may have a hidden agenda of their own which will leave you in an even worse place than before you met them.

These sharks can sense your voids and immediately come up with a plan to capitalize on them to get what they want from you while appearing to be the source of what you’ve always craved. But remember that NO MAN OR WOMAN is the answer to the task that you must undertake in your self explorations and meditations.

The attraction to them will be strong as they will make sure to appear to be what you need and actually make you feel so full as the empty feeling that you’ve felt inside for so long is temporarily gone.

This feeling usually leads us down a road that many never ever return from in this lifetime.

There will always be that women who will stroke a mans ego in a way that takes away his insecurities while she drains his bank account.

The will always be that slick talking man who occupies those empty spaces that only that absentee father could have filled but didn’t so you fall in love hook line and sinker while you are just another notch on his belt of victims.

The answer to your emptiness is NOT in the form of another! You’ve got to face this yourself and until you do, expect the sharks to circle you in your life seeking to “give” you what you need in exchange for what they want.

Such is the price for seeking validation in all the wrong places!

Staff Writer; Lance Scurvin
Official website;


4 Responses to “Seeking Validation In All Of The Wrong Places!!”
  1. Thanks for sharing your neat web-site.

  2. hoodgirl says:

    I Wholeheartedly agree with this Article. At this juncture in life we need each and everyone of us to work on SELF to shield us from perils that will surely come our way masquerading the most BEAUTIFUL smile.

    It is best to put all your trust in GOD than an inkling in man who will ALWAYS disappoint you.

  3. Great points, except I disagree with not seeking out help or support. I actually think this is the problem. We carry our burdens and insecurities alone. Some of us have the ability to work out our isues alone, but I think the majority of us can’t, which is why it gets passed down. It’s too deep. I do agree you have to be careful in who you confide in, but that’s what real friends and family are for. They will tell you the truth and what you don’t want to hear. Thank goodness for real family and real friends.

    Black Unity means financial independence and happiness

  4. Maleeka says:

    Time to go within. An on time article that confirms my need to get down with self. Bless you

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