MEN: Access & @ss!

by Staff November 26, 2012 7 Comments Brother Talk News Opinion Relationships Weekly Columns

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(ThyBlackMan.com) Today’s technology gives men, all kinds of men, access to women like they’ve never, ever had. Have you ever stopped to think about that? I mean really ponder what a man has access to. The married woman. The stripper The hood-rat. The porn star. The weird classmate from the 10th grade. The ex-girlfriend that is now married. The girl he was crushin’ on but never said anything to. The recent divorcee. The girl that liked him but was unavailable.

Now let’s remove the creepy factor and think about what this instant access is creating for someone like the “average Joe“. He’s educated or has a skilled trade which brings him a decent wage. He has pics of himself as a child on his profile page (awwwww). He usually has a funny or sometimes introspective status update. He never has pics with women that would jeopardize his image of appearing “available“. This prohibits skepticism and the following inbox message “She’s cute. Is that your girlfriend?” His relationship status is not visible and is never updated. He appears (via screen) to be a really nice guy (blank stare) DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS REALLY MEANS? Ass-quakes. Ass-trays. Ass-states. Ass-shakes. It’s a plethora of ***and all he has to do is log in. When he’s bored. During halftime. Waiting to be interviewed. When his date goes to the restroom. Waiting on the movie to begin. At work. When he can’t sleep.

Odds are there is a woman available to converse via inbox at any one of those times. Its simple math and time zone calculation (the net is worldwide baby). And those conversations are a plan. No matter how long it takes. It’s a systematic pecking order and a steady drip eventually creates a hole. Even if he never beds you, the fact that you converse with him boost his ego. When you fall out of place he can go days without communicating with you because there is always someone else. And when you reconnect it’s just like time never passed you by. Know why? Because the previous conversations are right there for you to peruse and they rekindle (over and over again) that euphoric bliss without him even saying (typing) anything additional. By this time you’re gon’. Not gone. GON’.

Once these conversations manifest into meeting for coffee or “just hanging out” half the work is done. You like him. This actually cuts down on the time it takes to get you in bed. Instantly this dude is gettin’ it in with women he would have never had a shot with. Sounds like paradise for a man – its not. It’s actually the most dangerous combination known to man. Access +Opportunity+ Yearning + Willing Participants = Internal powder keg.

Just because you can tap that doesn’t mean you should. Men do you know what you’re setting yourself up for? Let me be clear. I like men. I’ve loved a few you; one of you unconditionally. I love how men handle their business. I love the way they are with their children. I love how you can make me feel like the only girl in the world. I love how you brighten my day with the smooth sound of your voice over the phone. I love how we can talk about world events and nothing; all at the same time. Contrary to popular belief they do exist – Good Men!

So in good conscious I can’t sit back and allow your insatiable appetite to destroy your soul. I get it. Sex to you is so good it’s not even describable (Be sure to read The “4F’s – Feed him, **** Him, be Faithful & stFu sometimes” – coming soon). But you have to know and understand that for every woman you run through you are losing a piece of yourself, destroying a piece of her and relinquishing any hope of ever loving a woman unconditionally. You can front for others in the club, in the office, at the game; but don’t front on yourself. Stop believing “these hoes are all the same” and giving into the one part of you that can eradicate any hope of something sensible.

Whenever you decide to allow yourself to love and be loved – what will you have left to give? You’ll end up a shell of a person; all because of some ***. Your larger than life ego has convinced you that you should satisfy every urge and fantasy because now you can. Here’s your chance to shine. To be that dude you once envied. To not have one dime pieces but a few. All that glitters is not gold and every sugary thing is not sweet. At the end of the day you’re a grown man. You’ll do as you please. In the course of doing what you please be mindful of that empty feeling that creeps up on you every so often. Every so often is going to turn into every day. And that 30 minutes of getting it in (I’m being very generous) with the chic you don’t even like will not be enough to fill that void that you willingly created.

Staff Writer; Nikki Woods

Also connect with this talented sista via Facebook; NikkIsTruth and Twitter; NikkiThoughts.

Can also visit her online at; http://theaffirmedtruth.blogspot.com

7 Comments

Ramses says:

November 29, 2012 at 11:35 am

@ nikki it’s that type of thinking that got females out here without men in longterm committed relationships…..a man wants a prize no other man has… that’s women’s problem out here…it’s not a Man’s job to be your parent when he’s with you…you should be emotionally ready to be with him…a Man guides a Woman no doubt but not in a parental way…it’s guiding her down the path he thinks will be conducive to his success….what Man wants to sit there teaching a woman her proper role as a woman while at the same time trying to be with her? trust me i do not listen to kanye west nor will i take advice from a boy who will make amber rose and kim kardashian his woman. that’s asinine…i don’t see his comments having any validity in what I choose as a Woman for me to be with…women who don’t protect their virtue (womb) are bad women in terms of possible partners because all it takes is one dude to mess up a woman for life…what man wants damaged goods? women don’t want to hear this but this is how men think…..loose females want us to confirm to their “new age” personas but but traditional men will never budge from this and furthermore women should be glad that men are not willing to make a loose woman their wives anyway. Why should a female like kim kardashian enjoy the protection of marriage when her claim to fame is as sex tape? if men marry this, they deserve the hell that ultimately these females bring. in my lifetime, the women who have exhibited crazy personalties are always the ones who have had multiple guy (sometimes girls) sexual partners. I’ve never seen a crazy virgin, have you? Most women don’t understand the science of the womb and pollute it without a second thought. You think it’s a coincidence that the most pleasurable physical act also has attached to it the reproductive capabilities of men and women? That’s not an accident dear and a woman should covet her virtue more than she covets a degree. If a woman shows me she doesn’t care about her womb (abortions, multiple sex partners, etc) then why should I?

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Nikki Woods says:

November 28, 2012 at 9:11 am

Ramses you are correct on many of your points. However, there are plenty of men willing to marry women that don’t have the best reputations. I know a few. They aren’t all bad women. Poor decision makers, yes, but not bad people. They found someone that loved them enough to look beyond what they did. And if it works for that man and woman I’m happy for them.

In the words of Kanye “I never met a ***** that didn’t need a little guidance; I’ll forgive her for her past until she disappoints your highness.”

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Nikki Woods says:

November 28, 2012 at 9:06 am

TLP, thanks for reading the article. Let me clarify a few of your statements.

“but you’re obviously under the impression that men have this super power that lets them pretend they’re in love when they aren’t.

-There is not one mention of “love” in the article. I didn’t mention love because I know what love is and this behavior is not it.

“I’ve been with my woman for almost 3 years AND i talk to exes. Here’s something else for you – I’ve never cheated in my life and I’m damn near 30! Real men stick by their women!”

-Great! I’m glad conversing with your exes is OK with you as well as your significant other. Let the band play! You’ve never cheated and your almost 30. I’m not sure how you’re trying to position yourself with that statement but if you are in a relationship you aren’t suppose to cheat. You don’t get “extra credit” for earning your keep. That would be the equivalent of me saying “I’m a great parent” or “I cook and I clean”. I’m suppose to.

“The point I’m trying to make is that love and respect are things that come with a relationship: if you don’t love and respect someone, you’re not in a relationship. THAT’S IT!”

-Again, nothing in the article references this behavior as a relationship. As an FYI, love and respect are subjective. One may think that talking to exes is disrespectful; you clearly do not.

If you strongly believe that you’re man is unfaithful but you’re still looking for proof, he IS being unfaithful! How will you know? Just ask your dude! Oh wait… he isn’t there

-I’m not sure why you keep referencing relationships. This article is about neither a relationship or cheating. Sorry, its just not. It’s simply about having access. No more. No less. How can a man be unfaithful if he isn’t in a relationship? One more time – this isn’t a relationship.

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Nikki Woods says:

November 28, 2012 at 8:47 am

You’re welcome Michael Chester!

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TLp says:

November 27, 2012 at 9:24 pm

Wow! I get what you’re saying, but you’re obviously under the impression that men have this super power that lets them pretend they’re in love when they aren’t. I’ve been with my woman for almost 3 years AND i talk to exes. Here’s something else for you – I’ve never cheated in my life and I’m damn near 30! Real men stick by their women!
The point I’m trying to make is that love and respect are things that come with a relationship: if you don’t love and respect someone, you’re not in a relationship. THAT’S IT!
If you strongly believe that you’re man is unfaithful but you’re still looking for proof, he IS being unfaithful! How will you know? Just ask your dude! Oh wait… he isn’t there

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Ramses says:

November 26, 2012 at 5:57 pm

I agree with this, however, let me say one thing. There are females out here who are used as test subjects. They are the type of females who allow men to hone their skills on. Not necessarily bad, unless men go overboard with this. A Woman needs to decide if she will be this type of woman or not. Once she starts down this road, she pretty much won’t ever recall from this path. I know this to be truth. Seen to many women try this path and then try to reverse midstream but your reputation is already known. Sad indeed. To give you an example, this brother was dealing with an Indian woman. He asked her “are indian men virgins when they marry you’ll?” She replied “no, that’s what the prostitutes are for.” So the brother asks amazed “you’ll know that they deal with them?” She says “of course, that’s what they’re there for. and when they’re ready to get married they come to us (virgins).” I definitely agree men shouldn’t go overboard with prostitutes or females who think and act like them, but these females serve as a springboard to men and their sexual prowess. It’s just the way it is. It’s nature. Only when females try to blur the lines is when it gets complicated. You can’t start off screwing the football team, and then when you leave college expect to be treated like a wife. That’s absurd.

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Michael Chester says:

November 26, 2012 at 5:43 pm

Thank you for writing this, Sister.

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