Thursday, September 21, 2023

The Importance of the Black Father and Son Relationship…

December 14, 2011 by  
Filed under Brother Talk, Fatherhood, News, Opinion, Relationships, Weekly Columns

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( I have written a number of articles relating to men and the many issues they are confronted with.   I recently wrote Black Father and Daughter Dance here at Thy Black Man, which expressed the significance of the father daughter wedding dance in a woman’s life.

Men stepping up to the plate and taking on the responsibility of fatherhood is also significant for our young, black boys.  As a matter of fact this may very well save a life your son’s life.  We all have read the negative statistics associated with black males being reared without their fathers. We know that the jails are full of fatherless black men and why they are there.

So instead of talking stats let’s talk about the simplistic needs that the black  male child requires.  From the time a black boy is born he is faced with challenges that others may never experience.  Some will automatically mark him as a thug, lazy and no good simply because of the color of his skin.

In order to deal with these challenges young men will need someone to guide them in the right direction. They will need someone that has walked in their shoes and understands what they will face.  Everyone is not in the position to do this.  His white coach, mentor and stern, but loving mother may mean well, but they cannot fully relate because they will never walk in their shoes. They will never encounter their unique dilemmas.

When boys are maturing they are searching for someone to look up to.  Black boys are no different.  They are seeking a hero.  These heroes should not be sports figures, rappers or sadly enough drug dealers.  The hero should be you.

When a male grows up without his father he is missing a very important element that goes into making him a man.   This is not to take anything away from single mothers raising their sons or from other men that have graciously stepped in, but a son needs his father.  It is just that simple.

Brothers imagine the sadness in your son’s eyes when he can’t attend a Father and Son luncheon because you are not there.  Can you feel his pain as his mother tells him that she has no idea where you’re at and that she has not seen you since he was an infant?

Where will you be when he has questions that only a man can answer?  We mothers raise our boys as best as we can.  But we really don’t want to do it alone?  Regardless of what you may have heard.

But I strongly believe that some things should also come from a man.  For example the topic of sex will be different from a man than from a woman, simply because we’re designed differently, which causes us to think differently.

Women will be able to give basic instructions on life, but there will come a time when we are unable to relate to our son’s experiences simply because we are not men.   Of course I may be able to toss a ball, fish and do other so called manly things with my son, but in all honesty it’s not the same.

Yes it is true that a large number of men raised by single mothers turn out fine.  Many are successful, hard working, law abiding citizens and great fathers.  But again I am sure they wish their fathers where there to share in their success.

Remember dads your sons want wonderful memories as much as daughters.  If you are no longer involved with your son’s mother this is no excuse to be absent.  Being unemployed and financially strapped is no excuse to go MIA.  Spend time doing little things with them such as visiting the park, attending free festivities and spending time in the library.  These small things will mean a world of difference.  When he grows into a man he will definitely cherish the quality of time that you spent with him.

Children did not ask for any of this.  You and the mother made the decision to physically become one. Therefore, in a sense you chose him and since he has arrived you are required to do right by him.

So be the man that you are meant to be.  Step up to support him, guide him and teach him to be the man that he is destined to become.

Staff Writer; Eleanie Campbell

For more writings by this sista feel free to visit; SoulXPosed2U.



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